Fragments of Heaven
by NightmareGlitter
Summary: Juudai wants to move on and marry Johan since the world changed. However, his answer and a dark secret are in the way. Will Juudai be able to convince him to change his mind about things or will it be too late? Rating will change for violence and lemons
1. Chapter 1: Ambiguity

**A/N: I know, I know…another spiritshipping fic. Really, I have been coming up with a lot of ideas for this pairing lately. Sorry to spam fanfic with more of a pairing that is not needed. DX And whereas the idea has been touched upon before, I can assure you that it HASN'T been touched on in the manner I choose to approach it…unless I'm missing something. In that case, TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND IT!! :D Um…ahem…anyway…I was hoping to develop some more ideas for Valentineshipping or Selfshipping or some of the other various shippings I entertain in my mind, but…it'll be awhile before those ideas are fully developed. I've dwelt on this one for awhile, and I think I've found an IC way of doing it. If I phail, then I request your forgiveness and a chance to redeem myself in a rewrite. Anyway, don't get any expectations about this one. There will be NO mpreg. I HATE mpreg. It's the most senseless, biologically impossible…Ok, never mind. And there will be no lust. And it will be T rated (at first. The rating shall possibly rise later. I'm not sure). And it will not be perfect. Toss those stereotypes away. JoJuu HAS imperfections. And I intend to draw upon those. Now, without further adieu…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own GX. A very big thanks to Chaotic Blades and 2True for looking this over! You guys rock. :D**

* * *

Chapter 1: Ambiguity

Juudai sat on the edge of the counter, swinging his leg impatiently. His dark eyes darted towards the clock on the wall, then out the window of the small house he owned. The morning was a dreary one; a bit of mist was falling from the gray sky in a drizzle. Sighing heavily, he leapt off the counter and wandered around the kitchen, pacing. Every second seemed to tick by agonizingly slow. He really didn't want to wait anymore. He _really_ didn't want to have his desire weighing on his mind like that. What he wouldn't give to unload it on someone! Yet, at the same time, the thought made him nervous. He didn't entirely understand it, thus, he wished to keep it to himself. After all, how foolish would it make him seem to not understand his own mind! At least he had an excuse. His mind had become quite a complex place since Yubel had fused with his soul. Not to mention since he'd learned to control Haou's power. It could get quite noisy in his head, at times. It was hard to concentrate. This was what he used as an excuse, although he knew very well it was because he just _didn't_ know and wouldn't have known even if Yubel had never come into his life.

Nibbling on his lower lip, he told himself again he had nothing to be anxious about. After all, he had everything he could ever want. Yet his life was so empty, so lacking. Could there possibly be something he'd missed? That was impossible! He'd been on countless journeys all over the world, dueling and helping people who needed his assistance. It was just his destiny to protect the world. He was doing what he loved, he had a constant traveling companion, he had a lovely residence, and he had Johan…What more could he want?

Sometimes, though, he wasn't really sure if he did have Johan or not. They more or less shared an emotional attachment and an unspoken agreement to be exclusive. They'd never actually said it, but they had an unspoken understanding. It was one thing he was sure of. Although, he still was not quite sure how to describe their relationship. They might have talked about it a few times, indirectly, and they had said those three words countless times. But it hadn't been easy getting there. It had taken him two years to actually realize it and confess: one year for the realization and another year to actually say it comfortably. Those two years had been hell for him. He'd been trying to sort out so many new emotions, trying to figure out exactly what they were and what to do. It had taken so long for it to escalate.

By this point, he almost felt like he couldn't stand it anymore. He hadn't seen Johan for far too long. At least, that's what it felt like to him. In reality, it'd only been several months. He felt lucky to get to see him at all, especially since they'd gone two different paths in life. Since Johan was in town, for a tournament, Juudai had gone ahead and made the trip back home for a few days. He planned on meeting the teal-haired duelist at a nearby café for lunch. He only had to wait a few more minutes before leaving…a few more agonizing minutes.

Staring out the window, he let his mind drift to the first time he'd told Johan he'd loved him. It had been agonizing, yet natural. It had been difficult, yet easy. In fact, it was the most contradictory mix of emotions in the world. And even more contradictory were the thoughts that had flown through his head when he'd said it. Sighing heavily, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift back…

* * *

_Johan and Juudai stood on the balcony of Johan's condominium, chatting lightly about the past events in their lives. They hadn't seen each other in several weeks, which wasn't nearly so bad compared to the months that separated their visits. It was a rather pleasant day in early autumn. The breeze blew coolly on their faces, the sun warming them just enough so that they didn't need any extra clothing. The leaves were beginning to change color from a rich emerald hue to reds, yellows, and browns. The air smelled fresh and crisp, the sky a deep azure with wisps of cirrus clouds floating gently by. It was the perfect day to be outdoors. It was nothing special, just the typical day where one could enjoy nature. _

_There soon came a lull in their conversation, though the silence was not in the least bit awkward. The two young adults merely leaned against the railing, staring down at the leaves wafting gently to the ground. Sighing heavily, Juudai closed his eyes and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. It was an infirmity that he contracted whenever he was around Johan; it was inevitable and without fail. By then, he knew what it was, but was not willing to admit it to the other boy. He just couldn't do it. It made him sick, absolutely sick. It wasn't that he was afraid to, necessarily; he just didn't know how to say it. Neither did he know if he wanted to burden Johan with the information. It might make him feel uncomfortable._

_Johan's gaze slid over to Juudai; he'd heard the brunet sighing over and over again during the past several minutes, as though he were feeling ill. And, out of his peripheral vision, he'd noticed Juudai running his fingers through his hair and clenching and unclenching his fists, obviously nervous. These were idiosyncrasies that had developed over the course of about a year, growing worse and worse. At this point, he had no clue what was ailing the poor boy so terribly. What could possibly be wrong? However, he was growing increasingly worried. Something was not right with Juudai. Something might even be hurting him. Laying a hand on his shoulder comfortingly, he leaned a little closer to see Juudai's face, his expression serious and concerned._

"_Juudai…What's wrong?" The words were casual enough, since he was concealing his true emotion. His stomach was twisted in knots over the matter. It was a question that had rung perpetually through his mind since he'd first noticed the pattern of these habitual actions. And yet…it had finally reached the point where he'd asked it._

_Juudai's chocolate eyes shot open, wide with surprise. "Oh…well, nothing. Why do you ask?"_

"_Because you've seemed really…off. At least, even more so than usual. What's gotten into you?" Johan asked, frowning a bit, "If something's bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?"_

_Juudai felt his mouth go dry. He gave a faint nod, then stared back off into the distance, propping his chin in his palm._

"_Juudai, I'm serious," Johan continued, not willing to let him get away that easily, "Tell me what's going on." Grasping Juudai by the shoulders, he forced the other to look at him. "Come on…please...I've never seen you like this before."_

"_If I told you, you might not believe me," Juudai grumbled, even though he knew very well that Johan would take him seriously._

"_You know that I would listen to you!" Johan insisted, looking a little offended, "You know I'd believe you! Come on, I've held my tongue long enough. What's been wrong with you for the past few months?"_

_Juudai took a few deep breaths, then shakily strode across the balcony, brushing past Johan to go back into the living room. Dropping to the couch, he clasped his hands and hung his head a little, preparing himself. He had suffered in silence long enough. He knew what he had to do. Why, then, was it so hard? Perhaps it was because he'd harbored the secret for two years; two long, lonely years. It was the kind of lonely that could not be remedied, no matter how many people he surrounded himself with, no matter how much he occupied his mind. The gaping hole in his heart remained. It had grown worse with time, though he'd been able to mask it whenever he was with other people. However, when he was with Johan, it was everything he could do to keep it inside. At first it hadn't been that difficult but then…_

_He shook his head a little in disbelief, wondering how he could've gotten himself into such a difficult mess. He heard Johan call his name in exasperation from the balcony. The teal-haired duelist came into the living room and sat by the brunet, looking determined. Then, seeing he was distressed, he put an arm around his shoulder._

"_Juudai…" This time, his voice was gentle._

"_I just can't hide from it," Juudai sighed, looking up and smiling weakly at his friend, "I just…thought wrong about this all. I'm sorry if I've put you in an uncomfortable position, or if I will with what I have to say…But it must be said, I suppose. I'm sorry for keeping this from you before. It was stupid of me. For two years…I've kept a secret, and it's been deeper than any secret I've ever kept. At first, I didn't even know of it myself. It took me a year to even realize the depth of it…Can you imagine? A year of being so confused as to what's going on? A year to second-guessing things you'd thought were clear before? And now…I'm just not sure about anything concerning this…I can't even put my thoughts in order long enough to say it."_

"_Ok, Ok…" Johan told him, grabbing his shaking arms and looking him in the eyes, "It's all right to tell me about it. Whatever it is, I'll accept you, Ok? You know that. Just relax. You don't have to worry around me, all right?" He offered Juudai a gentle smile._

_Juudai returned the smile, feeling a little better. "You're right…I shouldn't be getting so worked up over something like this. This you'd truly understand…at least, I'm pretty sure you would."_

"_So will you tell me?" Johan's sea green eyes searched Juudai's chocolate ones._

_Looking into those eyes, Juudai felt comfort wash over him. He felt silly for having dreaded telling him. It really wasn't something to make a big fuss over. Perhaps it was because he hadn't known what was going on. Perhaps from the moment he'd met Johan, he'd been attracted to him, but he really hadn't felt so nervous about it until then…Why had it bothered him so much? Had he really been afraid all along? Afraid of his own emotions? Perhaps that was it…_

"_Well, I'm not sure if you'll like it or not," Juudai found himself saying, not daring to look away from those eyes for a second. They were his stability, encouraging him and giving him the strength to say what he'd hidden so long. "The truth is…although we've been best friends for a really long time, I'm not sure…if…maybe…there's more to it."_

_Johan smiled faintly and nodded for him to continue, giving his arm a reassuring rub. _

_Swallowing hard, Juudai took a moment to think. Who was he kidding? They were more and they both knew it. They'd been more for a long time…He'd never cared about someone so much as to do everything for that person…And yet, at the same time, he'd never had anyone hurt him so much. It really wasn't something that should hurt. It didn't make any sense to him, how a positive emotion could evoke such a powerful negative response. _

_His eyes darted around the room before returning into those deep pools of green. How long had it been…since they'd last kissed? It had been lighthearted, perhaps even called just friendly and innocent, but that had only been on the surface. He could not help but think of the first time they'd kissed. It had been when Yubel had left Johan's body, and he'd been so happy to see that he was all right. True, it had been nothing more than a quick peck on the lips, a mutual peck at that, but it had left him feeling so exhilarated, like he'd never felt before. There had been kisses after that, mostly just little pecks on the lips in greeting or in parting. They'd never sat down and made out. That just wasn't something they were interested in doing. The tiny touches of lips were enough…enough to show how they cared for each other by being considerate and tender. Each kiss was fragile, precious. Each kiss was shared at an important moment. He wondered if he should kiss him then, since he was about to deliver this piece of information. Perhaps it would make it easier on the both of them, to remember what it felt like. It certainly would make it more meaningful. _

_Although he was a little loath to do so since they hadn't in so long, he decided to go through with it anyway. Blinking innocently, he slowly leaned closer in Johan's face, stopping to hesitate as he felt the other's warm breath. Johan did not make any move back. He merely sat there patiently. Juudai knew he trusted him. It made it all the more worth it. Finally, he closed the distance, only to merely graze their lips. Johan returned the slight pressure for a brief second, before they sat back, and looked at each other. Juudai's fingers lingered on his mouth, curling as he pressed his lips to his knuckles and closed his eyes to ponder the situation. All the while, Johan was silent. He was patient with the other._

_Finally, Juudai opened his warm brown eyes to meet the European's gaze. And that was when he said it. "Johan, I love you." It was so simple; the words flowed with great ease from his tongue. He was a little surprised with himself._

_Johan didn't even blink at this. He didn't seem shocked, however, he didn't answer for a moment. Instead, he seemed to be thinking in depth on the words, turning them over and over in his mind. Eventually, he brought his gaze back up to Juudai's. "I know…" It was spoken in a whisper, "I've known for a long time…"_

_Juudai's lips twitched in a smile. "I suppose I wasn't that good at concealing it then."_

_Johan shook his head, looking amused. "You wear your heart on your sleeve…And you're a terrible liar. Really, if that was what was bothering you, though…Why torture yourself with that?"_

"_I don't know," He admitted, his face burning, "It was really stupid in retrospect."_

_Chuckling softly, Johan put an arm around him and gave him a quick squeeze. "Ah, you'll never change, no matter how old you get. And that suits me just fine."_

"_Do you…?" Juudai began, then stopped, biting down on the disobedient tongue and wishing he hadn't tried to rush Johan to say something that he wasn't ready for._

_A small, mischievous smile played on Johan's lips, his emerald eyes dancing. "You tell me, Juudai…You tell me."_

* * *

Juudai smiled fondly at the memory. He'd gotten so worked up over absolutely nothing. When he thought about it those days, it really made him shake his head in disbelief. It had been so obvious all along that they felt the same about each other! Usually, they had a silent way of understanding each other. However, he'd been so blind to it, thanks to his own worries. Perhaps he had merely been second-guessing the reality due to previous misunderstandings. He didn't know. He'd never known about love before, and he most certainly didn't know much then. Well, it was all behind him, and he was ready to move on with his relationship. Since that moment he'd told Johan, he'd realized the reality behind their bond: they'd always been together and always would be. They didn't need any "official" words to describe it; they just were.

Yet, at the same time, he felt the familiar hollow feeling residing in his chest. He didn't understand why he felt as though what he had wasn't enough. At first, he'd written it off as a passing fancy, though it was becoming more apparent that that was not the case.He felt the increasingly strong need to be closer to Johan, though he wasn't really sure how that could be. Several possibilities had flown through his mind in disjointed thoughts, yet none of them seemed feasible. What he was considering was absolutely absurd. There was no way it would ever happen…or was there?

Glancing at the clock, he quickly shook himself of his thoughts. It was finally time for him to go meet Johan. Swallowing the excitement rising in his throat, he hurried out the door, fumbling to lock it before getting into his car and pulling out of the driveway. It was not a long drive, perhaps two miles at most, but it felt like forever to him. He might've even sped had the car in front of him not been going so slow. In fact, that was probably the only thing that spared him from getting a ticket that day. His impatience made the trip feel unnecessarily long, though it was over in about ten minutes.

Feeling as though he was barely able to think at all, Juudai locked his car and walked briskly into the café. He stopped to breathe in the heavy aroma of coffee before scanning the seating area. His heart leapt in his throat when he spotted what he was looking for; spiky teal hair over the edge of a booth. Swallowing his excitement, he approached the booth to make sure it really was Johan, lest he shout out the name and cause a scene.

The European was lazily stirring an untouched mocha. He was staring absentmindedly out the window at the fog outside, his mind obviously a thousand miles away. His sea green eyes were slightly dulled, perhaps even misted over. This concerned the brunet. Was something wrong? Johan usually had a pleasant, cheerful demeanor, so this was quite unexpected. He didn't even seem to notice Juudai's presence.

"Johan?" Juudai called the name softly.

The emerald eyes flickered up momentarily, wide with surprise. "Oh, Juudai…" His mournful expression melted away into a relieved smile. "I'm so glad to see you."

Reaching up, he captured the other in a tight, warm embrace. Then, not seeming to care where they were, leaned up and pecked the brunet on the lips. Juudai returned the slight pressure and the hug before releasing him and seating himself comfortably across from him.

"Is something wrong?" Juudai asked, sensing the other boy's lingering distress.

"Ah, well," Trying to conceal his troubled expression, Johan smiled again and ran his hand through his wild hair, "Not really…"

Juudai frowned slightly at this response. "There's no need to try and spare me. Tell me what's wrong."

Johan sighed heavily. "I really don't want to burden you, especially since we haven't seen each other in so long. It's not really that bad, it just concerns me. Besides, you've probably noticed it too."

"Well, what is it?" Juudai asked, leaning his elbows on the table, "If I already know, then can't we discuss it?"

Considering this for a moment, Johan stirred his coffee again, then nodded. "I guess it should be discussed. I'm not sure if it's affecting Japan as badly as it's affecting Denmark but…" He paused to think, then: "The thing is…there has been talk of uniting the countries of Europe under one leader. They're also discussing making agreements with any other country that will be a part of it… This wouldn't be so bad except…I don't trust that sort of thing. This could lead to serious trouble. Especially since they're already debating who is eligible for it. I think it's far too soon to be discussing who the leader should be but…you know how people are. Not to mention they disagree on the laws. Plus, the main leader in consideration seems to be a shady individual. It's just a hunch of mine. There's not quite any hard evidence to back it up, except that some of his administrators have died while under him. Of course, that could be coincidence but…these administrators were also in disagreement with him about some very deep political issues. Ah, I don't know…"

Juudai was silent for several moments. He only watched as Johan stirred the coffee, though it was at a quicker pace then before. The only sounds were those of people around them chatting quietly, the hum of the espresso machine, and the gentle tapping of keyboards. Although he hated to admit it, he knew exactly what the other boy was talking about. After all, he did travel the world frequently and, while residing in those countries, had come to learn of the current issues.

Finally, Johan spoke again. "Juudai, I don't know if you've noticed but…the world is going to hell…"

Juudai nodded, his mouth going dry. He had to admit, he hadn't been as perceptive about it at first since it was subtle, but he had noticed more recently, especially when major changes started to take place. Not to say that he endorsed them. Instead, he felt rather uneasy about it. But at that time, there was nothing he could do. Perhaps if things got too out of hand he'd be able to step in. He'd already been able to settle a few regional disputes. However, since it was nothing but talks…Yet communication held more merit these days. It could result in the end of the world as they knew it. Yes, things were changing, and not for the better of the people.

"I've noticed," He finally murmured, his eyes dropping to the tabletop.

"So what are we going to do about it?"

The question caused Juudai to glance up in surprise. Johan's eyes were fixated on him in a serious gaze. "Well," Juudai leaned back in his seat and sighed, then admitted, "at this point, I'm not entirely sure. The time will present itself."

"Let's hope it does," Johan sighed as well, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand, "But I don't think that we will be able to do anything soon…because…they're banning Duel Monsters."

"What?!" This caught Juudai's attention, "I haven't heard of this! Where?"

"Oh, it's so popular that it can be of good use to politics but…in a few small countries such as Georgia and Lithuania, they've passed laws regulating the terms in which you can use them. But, I don't think that will fly in many other parts of the world. I'm mildly concerned about it…But it's such a huge statement, you know?"

"That's insane…" Juudai shook his head, "And why haven't I heard of this?"

"Probably because the media is trying to cover it up," Johan replied, "The only way I heard about it is because one of my relatives lives over there…And it was just this past week, too. There's no way you could've known."

"In a week…" Juudai murmured, stunned, "Do you think it's temporary?"

"Maybe," Johan responded, looking glum, "Let's hope. They might re-instate it simply because it's such a popular sport…Well, just think about it…Scotland banned golf for awhile because it was too popular and people were neglecting combat skills. Perhaps it's the same case here."

"Well, whatever the case, we have to do something to keep it from spreading…" Juudai told him, "I can't let this happen."

"I can't stand back and do nothing either," Johan agreed, "We'll think of something."

Silence reigned once more. Suddenly, Juudai felt as though he shouldn't have worried about his relationship with Johan so much with all that was going on. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, staring at his hands in his lap. Another sigh from Johan prompted him to look up. The teal-haired duelist was smiling, then, much to Juudai's surprise, laughed.

"I'm sorry," He said, shaking his head, "I dumped my worries on you. It's not as bad as I made it seem like…Those are just my own personal fears. I hope you won't let it get you down or anything."

"No, of course not," Juudai blinked, "I'm not depressed about it…I'm just concerned as well. But if you say that it's not as bad…then I'll take your word for it. We'll just keep an eye out, Ok?" Although he said that he'd trust Johan, deep inside, he felt all the more uneasy about the matter.

Nodding, Johan agreed. "All right. But let's not spoil our day with this. I was just depressed about it since I got some of the news last night. But now that I've talked it over with you, I realize I was blowing it out of proportion. After all, you've been traveling the world and seem to know more about it than I do, and you're not overly concerned. So why should I be?"

"Well, it's just nothing to get too worked up about," Juudai reassured him, "I have travelled but…that doesn't mean I know more or less. I've noticed. It's not much of a threat right now. Perhaps it will all blow over once they discuss it more in depth. I think it has far too many disadvantages."

"True," Johan picked his mocha up and took a sip, then made a bit of a face. "A little too cool…"

Juudai watched him sip his beverage for a few moments. He let his mind drift a bit, glossing over the information that Johan had told him and connecting it with his own recent experiences. If he recalled correctly, the world's governments had not been in too good of a shape for the past several years. In fact, it had begun shortly after he'd graduated Duel Academia. It startled him to think that in five years so much had already happened to ruin peace and prosperity. A few stray, gradual problems had snowballed, and soon it would probably avalanche out of control.

"Are you ready to get something to eat?"

The question shook Juudai of his thoughts suddenly. Jumping a bit, he looked up at Johan, surprised. "Oh, yeah…" He smiled faintly at the man in front of him.

"Hmm, well, I'll go get some sandwiches for us, Ok? This one's on me so don't worry about the tab." Johan started to get up, ignoring Juudai's protests.

Sighing, the brunet leaned on the table and propped his chin in both hands. His melancholy chocolate eyes followed Johan; he could not stop watching him. The familiar ache entered his chest. He wondered how he could still feel that way even when things were going so well between them. Or at least it seemed so. He knew that things were going ANYTHING but well between them. Of course, they might have had a calm, peaceable relationship. That wasn't the problem at all. The problem was…they didn't talk nearly enough. Naturally, they spent many a sleepless night on the phone, but it wasn't the same. He hated having to live so far away. He just wished Johan could be nearby so he could go visit him more easily. That was all he asked for. However, he was always on the move. There was no way that could be unless Johan traveled with him. But Johan would not give up the Pro Circuit for anything. Not even for him. Juudai didn't blame him though. He wasn't willing to give up his life either. Thus, they were met with this impasse. He supposed in the end it didn't matter as long as they had each other all the same. They could satisfy themselves with this life if that was all.

Drumming his fingers impatiently on the table, he let his eyes drift back out the window. The fog was thickening, and the rain began to fall steadily until it was pouring. He realized he'd have to drive in it, which irked him. It made him uncomfortable to drive in the rain. Especially when he was alone. It made him feel so cold, so empty. He wished he could have some company. He didn't get company nearly enough. The sudden idea came to his mind that perhaps Johan would have the time to come over and spend the afternoon with him. It would make him feel a lot better. He had been so down lately. Not the type of sadness that wouldn't go away necessarily. It was more like the type of depressed that one felt on occasion, when he realized how full his life was, yet, something was just missing.

A club sandwich was placed in front of him, causing him to forget all his thoughts. Food had that effect on him, even then. Sometimes, it seemed like the only cure for his troubles.

Taking a bite of his sandwich, he looked up at Johan. "Do you have time to come over after we eat?"

"Hm, I'd like to," Johan murmured, "It is a really nasty day. Not to mention I don't like going out in this weather that much. I do need to go pick up some things to stock up my hotel room, though."

"I could go with you," Juudai offered, "Or, you don't even have to stay in a hotel! I'll save you some money. You can stay at my place."

Johan laughed softly. "I'm not sure I can do that. I couldn't burden you. Besides, the other duelists are staying in that hotel, too. And it's really for a reason. We have a lot of special banquets and functions to attend there."

"Oh," Juudai looked disappointed for a moment, then perked up again. "But I can perhaps take you to the store or wherever you need to go? Unless you drove here…"

Johan laughed a little. "No, I didn't drive here…My chauffeur took me. But…I don't have to call him back. If you want to take me, I'd be more than glad to go with you. I don't like having a chauffeur that much, anyway. The greeting party at the airport just insisted on it 'for my safety.'"

"All right, then," Juudai said, finishing his sandwich in a large bite. He chewed for a moment, then swallowed before speaking again. "I'll take you wherever you need to go."

"As long as it's no trouble…" Johan pointed out.

"Of course not!" Juudai insisted, standing and stretching, "We might want to leave now, though, before the weather gets too bad."

Scarfing down the last of his sandwich, Johan stood as well and followed Juudai out the door. The rain pelted them like tiny bullets, stinging what bare skin there was exposed. Juudai ran to the car and unlocked it, opening the door for Johan first. The teal-haired duelist practically leapt inside the vehicle, followed by Juudai. Crawling over Johan's lap, Juudai managed to get into the driver's seat and start the car.

Shivering, Johan hugged himself for warmth, his teeth beginning to chatter slightly. Juudai pulled the same Osiris jacket that he always wore off, and slid it around the other man's shoulders, smiling. "Here, I know it's wet too, but it should help."

"Thanks," Johan pulled the jacket closer around himself, "But won't you--"

"I'm fine," Juudai insisted, "But…are you? You don't usually get cold so easily"

"Oh, well," Johan explained, "I'm getting over a bit of a virus. I'll be all right. I just get the chills now and then."

"You haven't been taking good care of yourself, have you?" Juudai teased gently. He knew Johan hated for him to get on his case about that sort of thing.

In response, Johan swatted playfully at his arm, invoking a small chuckle from Juudai. "Everyone gets sick."

"All right, all right. I guess I have to trust you with yourself. Now, where are we going?"

"Well, I think we should just go to your place first," Johan answered, having changed his mind, "It's best I pick up groceries when I'm ready to go to the hotel. Besides, I don't really want to go right now."

"I don't blame you," Juudai muttered as he pulled out into the street.

"Ah! Juudai, please be careful!" Johan cried, as Juudai narrowly escaped being hit in the bumper by an oncoming car.

"Whoops! Sorry…" Juudai laughed nervously, gripping the wheel a little tighter, "I'm still not too good at this." _Especially when you're distracting me…_

Looking a little wide-eyed, Johan told him shakily, and somewhat jokingly, "I'm not so sure I trust you to drive, then."

Juudai sent him a faux injured look. "You don't like my driving?"

"Not on a day like this," Johan laughed, "but I don't care what we have to go through, even if we do crash, because being with you is worth it."

"Glad to hear that," Juudai beamed.

The rest of the ride was strangely quiet. Perhaps it was Juudai's erratic driving that kept them from talking. Out of the corner of his eye, Juudai saw Johan visibly flinch every time he jerked the car too much. He didn't want to make the other man uncomfortable but it really could not be helped. He was too distracted by Johan's presence to drive properly.

Johan breathed a large sigh of relief when they pulled into Juudai's driveway intact. Glancing over at Juudai's hands shaking on the wheel, he laughed softly, though he was shaking himself. "Too much?"

"Huh?" Juudai blinked, looking puzzled.

Johan laughed again at his clueless expression, one that reminded him of how his friend had been long ago… "I mean, even you weren't able to stand your own driving."

Shaking his head, Juudai told him, "It's not the driving…"

"Then what is it?" Johan unbuckled his seat belt reluctantly, as though he thought the car might start moving again.

"I'd rather not say." Mumbling this, Juudai stepped out of the car and ran through the rain, fumbling with the keys to unlock the door.

Johan ran up to the doorstep as well, using Juudai's jacket to cover his head. The two hurried indoors, though by then, they were thoroughly soaked. Their clothes dripped with excess water, creating a rather obvious puddle on the floor. Collapsing to a chair and ignoring the water, Juudai thought about how he wished that Johan could stay. The regret rose inside him again; he wished he had tried harder to keep Johan close to him. Perhaps they should talk about it…

"Um, Johan?" He felt a little awkward, but it had to be done. He couldn't harbor this feeling any longer.

"Hm?" Johan looked up, his eyes locking with Juudai's.

"I was just wondering if we could talk." Juudai shifted his seat. Revealing those feelings was not something he was particularly good at.

"Well, all right," Johan agreed, laughing a bit, "You didn't have to say that, though. You could've just started talking. Really, don't be so uncomfortable."

"Yeah…" Juudai laughed as well, "I just…was buying myself some time, I guess. It's just that…I'm not sure about some, um, things."

"What sort of things?" Johan prodded, encouraging him to go on.

Wringing his hands, Juudai bit his lip, hesitant. He wasn't sure he knew how to put his feelings into words. "I kind of wish we…could be closer."

"What do you mean?" At this point, Johan looked genuinely confused.

"I wish we could live near each other at least," Juudai explained, staring down at his hands, "And I wish we could talk more often. I just want to be closer to you in general. Do you know what I mean?"

Running a hand through his hair, Johan thought before replying. "I think so…Yes, I do…"

"I don't want you to leave," Juudai continued, refusing to meet Johan's steady gaze. "I just want you to stay with me. But I know that you can't because…you have your life and I have mine. And it just sucks, you know? Because I want to be by your side all the way…I want to be able to be there for you and all." Taking a deep breath, he shut his mouth. Actually, it hadn't been too difficult once he'd started. He didn't regret having shared this information with Johan. Of course, he didn't mean any of it in a bad way. All he wanted was to be able to support Johan emotionally. He grinned cockily up at the teal-haired duelist, his eyes finally locking with the other's, somewhat hopeful.

Nodding, Johan paused to take the information in. Juudai felt a great deal calmer, even though Johan hadn't said anything in response. He knew the other well enough to know that he would understand.

"I know exactly what you mean," Johan finally replied, "I feel the same way. But what can we do?"

Juudai bit his lip and tried to push back the idea that came to his mind. He couldn't do that, could he? Then again…Shaking his head to clear his mind of the thought, he tried to think of something to say in response. However, Johan had already seen the adventurous gleam in Juudai's chocolate eyes, as well as the smirk that was still playing on his lips.

"Eh? Juudai? Did you get an idea?" Johan blinked, though he was smiling as well.

"Umm…" Juudai looked uncertain, he laughed a bit nervously, "I don't think I should talk about it…"

"Oh, come on! You get that look on your face whenever you come up with your best ideas! It can't be that bad…"

"Um, it's nothing," Juudai told him, dismissing the idea, "Just forget about it. Maybe we can talk about it some other time, Ok? Just not now. It's not the time…" Even he knew that it wasn't the time to mention such an absurd, out-of-the-question idea.

"Well, all right," Johan reluctantly agreed.

Juudai stood suddenly, and wandered off into the back room. Johan watched the brunet curiously, but didn't move from his seat. After a moment, Juudai emerged with a towel, which he threw over Johan's head. Squirming, Johan protested, however, Juudai ignored this and began to dry his hair and face with it.

"You can't sit around here wet," Juudai told him, "You're getting over your cold, remember? And you told me you were taking good care of yourself." He pulled Johan's head back so the European could look at his face, a skeptical expression marking his delicate features.

Smiling weakly up, Johan replied, "I guess you're right. Thanks." His cheeks turned the slightest shade of pink.

Juudai finished rubbing Johan's hair with the towel, then threw it aside. He took one good look at Johan's messy hair, and laughed. Reaching over with a soft smile on his face, he gently stroked the strands of teal hair back into place. Johan's hair was silky to the touch; it felt as nice as it looked. Not being able to help himself, he took a moment to stroke it away from Johan's face and out of his clear green eyes. His hand dropped to Johan's cheek, which he fondled momentarily before withdrawing his hand. However, Johan reached up and stopped him. Feeling Johan's warm fingers curling around his own, Juudai smiled and allowed the other to hold his hand.

The two sat there silently, fingers laced together, for several moments. Juudai could not remember the last time he'd felt so complete. It felt right to be sitting in his cozy home, holding Johan's hand and watching the rain. Nothing could've made the moment more perfect. Well, perhaps that was a bit of a stretch. There was something that would've made it better; however, this was not anything that could ever happen. It saddened Juudai to think that they might never have the type of relationship they could have. Never before had he considered it so deeply; it had never bothered him until recently that they might never have the opportunity to have the same type of relationship that everyone else did. What had mattered was that they were closer than anyone else. At least, it seemed that way. If only there was some way that he could have Johan but also be able to travel the world. The sad fact was, either one sacrificed his dream or they had to compromise their relationship and settle for what they had.

Clutching Johan's hand tighter, he wondered why he felt so desperate to be closer to him. Why, all of the sudden, did he feel the undeniable need to further what they had? Why did he feel as though he might burst from sorrow if he didn't get his way? It really shouldn't have mattered. But at this point, he wasn't sure he could stand it. At the same time, he wasn't sure he was ready to talk to Johan about it, much less go through with it. How were they to grow closer anyway? The same thought continued to plague his tortured mind, almost as though it were taunting him.

"Juudai," Johan said softly, "Are you sure you don't have anything to tell me?"

Juudai shook his head. "I'm all right. I promise."

Giving him a strange look, Johan pointed out quietly, squeezing Juudai's hand tighter, "You got that same look on your face when you were afraid to tell me that you loved me. How many times do I have to tell you that it's all right to talk to me?"

"I'm not ready," Juudai said simply, shrugging, "I don't want to talk about it right yet. I'm not sure about some things and…I don't know how to put it. Just be patient with me."

Reluctantly, Johan agreed, though he didn't look too happy about it. Juudai was not particularly pleased with the situation either, but what could he do? He couldn't just suggest right away that they drop everything they'd worked so hard for. He couldn't say that anyway. He _wouldn't_ have mentioned it at all. After all, that was not going to happen. He was happy with what he did, and that was more important than anything, even Johan. It was something he was not exactly proud to admit, but it was the truth, and that was what mattered the most. Eventually, Johan would have to know since it was a subject that frequently perturbed him; however, this was not the time.

Juudai clenched his fists under the table, watching the rain fall harder and beat upon the windowpanes mercilessly as the wind whipped it about. Thinking about this made his conflicting emotions clash all the more. He knew he couldn't do what he wanted because he couldn't have his life of roaming and a deep relationship with Johan too. But, oh, how he wanted Johan! It was almost impossible to believe that he could want someone so much, especially after having been uninterested for so long. Yet, he supposed it could happen. And he could not get the other out of his head. It was growing increasingly difficult to keep this desire of his to himself. It was hard for him to accept that he could not be satisfied with what they had. It was not enough.

Finally, he decided that he would tell Johan. Not that day, necessarily, but he would tell him if the feeling continued to plague him. He might even arrange a time to tell him, he wasn't sure.

"How long are you going to be in town?" He asked, trying to sound casual, though he held his breath after he'd posed the question.

"Probably a few days at most," Johan replied, "but I'll be really busy. I probably won't have time to even sleep." The last part was said in a joking tone, but Juudai knew that it should be taken seriously.

"Oh, I see…" Juudai took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "That's unfortunate. I was hoping you might have some time to talk or go out."

Johan shrugged. "We'll see. I'll try to make some time for you since we don't get to see each other very much. And this might even be my last chance since I have no clue how much longer I'll be able to leave Europe freely."

Juudai felt solemn all of the sudden. That was right. Europe might not open its borders for anyone to visit or leave soon enough. And if that happened…He could not bear the thought. "Johan…please promise me you'll get out of there."

The teal-haired duelist looked up in surprise. "You want me to leave my home?"

"I don't want to pressure you," Juudai told him, "but you have to get out of there. If you don't…who knows what might happen. I don't want you over there. I want to make sure that you'll be all right."

"I understand what you're saying," Johan sighed, drumming his fingers on the table, "I'm just not sure if I'm ready to leave…" He smiled softly, his sea green eyes filled with concern, "I don't know if I can do it. Even if this may be my only chance…It'll be Ok."

"Well, if you say so…" The brunet stared down at his hands.

"Juudai, it's not like you to be so worried," Johan pointed out, "Did I really give you that much of a scare?"

The former Osiris student seized Johan by the shoulders, his fingers digging into the fabric of his dress shirt, his expression determined. "I will not let anything happen to you. Not like what happened before," He told Johan through his teeth, his voice wavering in a desperate, hushed tone, "I can't bear to lose you again. I can never be too cautious with you and you know that."

"I understand," Johan said again, after a brief moment's hesitation, "and I suppose if I were in your shoes, I'd do the same thing. Tell you what; I'll think about it, Ok?"

It was not nearly enough to calm Juudai's worry; however, he had to trust the other man to take care of himself. He had to trust his judgment, even though his own intuition told him otherwise. Feebly, he nodded, his mouth going dry. Truly, it was not like him to get so worked up. But Johan was the exception to his normal lax, lenient way of living. Indeed, they were overly concerned for each other, and it showed. It'd always been that way. They'd always put each other first. Perhaps Johan thought he was sparing Juudai the trouble by telling him not to worry, but the truth was that it only made things worse. The more that Johan turned a blind eye to the problems, the more desperate Juudai became to get him out of that situation. This gave him more of a reason to do what he was considering. It might save Johan from his imminent fate. Not to mention that Juudai could not stand to see anyone on the brink of destruction, especially not Johan. And after Dark World…He never wanted that to happen again.

He'd made up his mind. He was going to get Johan out of Europe if that was the last thing he did. And he would sacrifice whatever was necessary to keep him safe. He would do whatever it took to save him. Even if it meant that he had to mention his idea before he was ready to. Perhaps things would not be as he'd first considered. He might have to do more than he'd accounted for. Especially since Johan seemed so stubborn. But it had to be worth it.

Johan might've said that things weren't that bad. But Juudai knew better. Things were at terrible unrest, and they both knew it. Johan's concern was evident. And if he was not willing to leave Europe voluntarily, then Juudai would force him to. He even went so far as to think that he might even kidnap him! Well, perhaps he wouldn't go that far. But if he had to, he'd duel him for it. Nothing was going to stop him. Not even his love for Johan. He had to do what was best for the other man, even if it was undesirable. And who knew when the day would come that the borders were closed and he was separated from the other. Little did Juudai know how close that day was.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry that ending was so sudden but…I really tried. I know some of the transitioning is probably off, it's still a bit repetitive for my taste, and I still feel that too much was packed into one chapter but…that is kinda ingrained in my mind because of what my AP English teacher taught me…But then too, less is more. Argh. I hope I did all right with characterization and managed to convey that Juudai is uncertain when it comes to Johan, really. Meh, I'm so dumb. DX Anyway, I tried, and I'm not completely satisfied, but I like it all right. Opinions anyone?**


	2. Chapter 2: Broken

**A/N: Um, I'm sorry if I'm jumping around with this a bit and if it might be choppy but…keep in mind that Juudai is changing his mind a lot…I'm hoping it won't turn out that bad or repetitive or boring. DX This chapter is a helluva lot more interesting than last one, at least in my opinion. Though, I hope Johan is IC enough given the circumstances. -.-**

**Disclaimer: I do not own GX. **

* * *

Chapter 2: Broken

It was late at night and the storm outside had gotten worse since two days ago. Juudai lay awake in his bed, tossing and turning. No matter what he did, he could not force himself to go to sleep. He could not stop thinking about Johan. The storm outside did his discomfort no good either. It did little to ease his worry. One thought was repeating itself over and over in his troubled mind: What was going to happen to Johan? He really wished that the other man was there with him at the moment. He just wanted to be able to see him and know that he was all right.

But that was not the only thing that Juudai could not get out of his mind. He also could not silence the little voice in his head that kept telling him that he should try to find a way to be closer to Johan. He could not stop thinking about furthering their relationship and wanting to commit himself to the other man. However, he just was not sure how to go about it. Nor was he sure how to tell him…

Giving up on trying to sleep, Juudai threw the covers off and bounded down the stairs, where he could sit in his living room and watch some television. Perhaps it would help get his mind off of things. He flopped down on the couch and flipped through the channels, trying to find something to watch. Nothing was really on, except the news stories about the Japanese ambassadors negotiating with some European country to form an alliance of a sort and help boost their failing economy. This bothered him, so he muted the volume and stared out the window at the stormy night. He was feeling really lonely. Ever since he had graduated from Duel Academia, it was almost as though no one was around. He always thrived around people so when he had found that he could not be around them as much anymore--since everyone was busy with their lives--he had felt somewhat lost.

Shifting uncomfortably on the couch, he sighed and thought about how sometimes the loneliness gave him the chills. It could be frightening, especially living in a world that was falling to pieces. He hardly even wanted to watch the news anymore, but knew if he didn't, then he wouldn't be able to help anyone when the time came. It really scared him what was happening to the world, particularly in Europe and, as of recently, Japan. He knew that things were bad everywhere but…somehow he just hoped it might be better someplace else. If only there was someplace to escape to…But for the time being, he had to keep strong for everyone's sake, like he always did. It was difficult though, when he wasn't sure what to do to help or what to do to save the world this time. Every time there had been trouble, all he would have had to do would be to challenge the offender to a duel and that was that. But this time, there were too many of them, too many conflicting factors, and it could not be resolved easily in any sort of negotiation, much less a duel.

Feeling lonelier, he thought about Johan again. The nagging feeling inside of him, the desperate need that refused to be quelled, returned again, demanding that he do something about it. He really wanted to talk to the other man at least, though it would be nice to get this burden off his chest while he was at it. He was afraid, though, that if he gave into this feeling then it would be wrong but…if he at least expressed it to Johan then maybe it would leave him alone.

His eyes drifted in the direction of the phone. He knew he really should not call anyone at this time of night, especially when it was storming so heavily outside, but he felt as though he really could not stand it any longer. He reached out, his hand hesitating over the receiver for a moment, then finally picked it up and quickly dialed the number, before he could change his mind. Hearing the dial tone, he licked his lips nervously, knowing that there was no turning back then. It seemed like an eternity before anyone picked up. But when he finally did hear the click that signaled the phone had been answered, he relaxed, and leaned back against the cushions.

"Hello?" Came a tired, effeminate voice.

"Um, hey, Johan. It's me." Juudai said, tightening his grip around the receiver.

There was a short pause as Johan tried to register who it was. Finally, he answered, "Oh, Juudai! What are you doing up so late?"

"Well," Juudai admitted, running his hand through his shaggy brown hair and laughing softly, "I just couldn't sleep. I was…worried…about you." There was no need to hide it from Johan. It would only make them both the more anxious. Really, it was best to just reveal it.

"Ah," Johan sighed, "I see. Well, I wasn't having too good of a sleep myself so…I don't mind."

"Yeah," Juudai said slowly, playing with the hem of his shirt, his dark eyes directed towards the floor, "Listen, could you maybe, I don't know, try to go to dinner with me tomorrow or something?"

"Hmmm," Johan took a moment to think about this before replying. "Well…I suppose I could. I really shouldn't but…you're worth my time."

"Thank you," Juudai sighed, beginning to swing his leg a bit, "I…have some things I sort of wanted to talk to you about anyway."

"Couldn't you just tell me on the phone?" Johan asked, sounding puzzled.

"Well, I'd rather not. I'd rather tell you in person…" Juudai replied, staring up at the ceiling again. What was he saying? How could he tell Johan what he was actually considering so soon! Not then…It was just ridiculous. Maybe some other time, some time in the future. Besides, it could not be done. It just could not. Still…if there was a way and if they did get the chance, he was not going to turn it down. Johan deserved to know how he felt about the matter anyway. Whether they could or not, Johan deserved to know how deeply and seriously Juudai felt about him.

He snapped back to reality when he realized that Johan had been saying his name for several seconds. Quickly, he apologized. "I'm sorry…I got distracted. What was that again?" His face reddened a bit. It was one thing to be so caught up in a person that one tuned out everyone else. But to be so caught up in someone that one tuned out that very same person!

"Oh, it's all right," Johan assured him, laughing softly, "I just asked you where you wanted to meet and when."

"Um…Well, I…Hmmm…" Juudai had to stop and think about it. After all, he had made the decision on pure impulse. He was not prepared for this. Hearing Johan chuckle softly to himself, Juudai realized that he should have thought about it before asking. His face burned a little more. "Um…I guess we could go to _Palomino_ or something. I mean, if you wanted to."

"Juudai…you sure you want to go there?" Johan sounded genuinely surprised, "But that's such an upscale place…"

"I know, I know," Juudai sighed, running a hand through his hair and playing with the ends a bit, "But…I think it's worth it. I have something important to say, after all."

"Oh, Ok…" Johan finally agreed, though he seemed a bit reluctant to do so.

"Look, if you can't afford it or something, then I'll pay for you," Juudai quickly added, dropping the strand of his hair and grinning, "I mean, I wouldn't mind. I know you already use up a lot of your money…"

"No, it's all right," Johan insisted, laughing nervously, "I have plenty of cash. Trust me. It's not big deal it's just…unlike you."

"Yeah, well, I haven't been myself lately," Juudai muttered under his breath. Then, he asked, "So you want to meet around seven?"

"Whoa, don't you have to make reservations?" Johan interjected, "I mean, it is pretty expensive…and a pretty well-renowned place. You can't just drop in!"

"Oh, I guess that's true," Juudai sighed heavily, "Well, then, I guess we could just use our careers to get us in, right?"

"Mmm, I guess," Johan replied, sounding uncertain, "I just don't know if it's right."

"It's fine," Juudai assured him, "I'll just call them up tomorrow and make us a reservation for seven. I promise you that I'll get it done, Ok?"

"Well, if you say so," Johan agreed reluctantly.

"So, what do you have to do tomorrow anyway?" Juudai asked, turning off the television and standing.

There was a slight pause before Johan answered. "Uhhh, work?"

"Oh, right, sorry," Juudai laughed a little as he wandered down the hall towards his small office room, "If you need to get up early then why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I don't get to talk to you enough," Johan replied, "And if you need me, then I want to be here for you."

"What makes you think I need you?" Juudai asked, flopping down in the chair in front of the computer, turning it on. He did not mean for it to come out the way it had.

There was a longer pause. Then, Johan sighed. "Juudai…"

He realized what he had said. "Oh, ah, that's not what I meant! I meant…right now…"

"Because you sounded like you did…You seem anxious." Johan told him, sighing again.

"And you seem depressed," Juudai pointed out, "What's wrong?"

"I…don't know how to talk about it now," Johan replied quietly, almost to the point that Juudai could not hear him, "I don't know what to say or what exactly is going on. I'm just really tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

Juudai sat up a little straighter in his seat, suddenly very worried. "Johan? No, seriously, are you all right? Please talk to me…"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'll be just fine. I'm just tired…And I've been through a lot today. I really don't feel like talking about it. Nothing's wrong, Ok? Well, at least, it's nothing that can't be fixed…" He laughed softly, though it was a bit forced.

"You…seemed fine a minute ago," Juudai said weakly, feeling a pang in his heart, "But…something just now really bothered you. Was it something I said?"

"No, just forget it, Juudai. It's nothing."

"Johan, please…don't be this way. You're really beginning to worry me." He swallowed hard. "Please just talk to me. You'll feel better. Please? Can't you tell me?"

Johan heaved a heavy sigh. "Oh, I'm just…feeling a bit…down. I'm just…feeling lonely I guess. And it's just like I'm missing something. I…I really don't know how to explain it. I just feel really…cold. But, you cheer me up."

"Until I said that thing about not needing you," Juudai pointed out, "Then you sort of…got upset."

"It just reminded me of something that happened, that's all. I know you didn't mean it," Johan answered, sounding all the more dejected.

In the pause that followed, Juudai thought about how lonely Johan must be. All he had were the Gem Beasts to keep him company. He did not have anyone else. It was then that he wondered just how long they could continue in their lifestyles, especially considering how much they loved to be around people. He knew that Johan was aching as much as he was. He knew that everything that had occurred since they had graduated was slowly killing them. His mouth went dry as he remembered his idea. Though he was not sure if it would cheer Johan up or not, he might as well try it later. For the time being, he would settle for telling Johan the words he so needed to hear.

"Johan," He said softly, in a near whisper, "I love you."

Johan did not answer immediately. He seemed to be taking the information in. Finally, with a weary sigh, he replied, "I love you too, Juudai." He said Juudai's name as though that it in itself would do enough to comfort him. Perhaps he was even reassuring himself who he was talking to, to reiterate over and over again that he was actually speaking with Juudai, and that he was real.

"Are you sure you're going to be all right?" Juudai pressed, his brow creasing in worry. He held the phone tighter and pushed it closer to his ear, almost as though the action would bring him closer to Johan.

"I'll be just fine," Johan told him quietly, "Don't worry about it."

Juudai could almost hear the gentle smile in his voice. He felt his heart melt, and wished he could be there to hold the other man and comfort him. Swallowing hard, he wondered if he should offer to go over and check up on him. Without so much as a moment's hesitation, he asked, "Do you want me to come over and see you? Just for a little bit?"

"It's late," Johan replied, "And it's storming. I don't want you driving out in that. And I should be getting back to sleep in a few minutes. Just…stay on the phone a bit longer. That'll do. Already I feel a little better. I'm sorry, I really am. I just had one of those moments where your mood just drops. I hope you don't think I'm depressed in the long run or anything. I'm just a little worried and a little sad."

"Ok…" Juudai relented reluctantly. He fell silent for a moment, just staring at the computer screen. Licking his lips a bit, he put his shaking hands on the keyboard while holding the phone with his shoulder and slowly typed the phrase that had been plaguing his mind for so long to search on Google.

_'Places where same-sex marriage is legal'_

Swallowing again, he hit the enter key, hardly able to believe himself. Was he actually thinking of doing this? Thinking back to the news stories that had flashed across the homepage about Japan's government and the new laws and restrictions, he figured he might as well consider it. Things were getting really bad…He just wanted to find someplace more comfortable to live and some way to make life better. Though, he hoped to maintain his current lifestyle too. He hoped to be able to continue with travelling the world and helping people, and dueling. And he knew Johan felt the same way.

As his eyes scanned the list that came up and as he tried to make up his mind which country would be best to go to, Johan snapped him from his thoughts. "You still there?"

"Yeah," Juudai replied, though he was only half-listening since he was reading, "I'm sorry…I'm just looking something up."

"Oh." Johan was silent for a moment, then said quietly, "I'm getting scared…"

This snapped Juudai completed from his thoughts. "What do you mean?"

He heard Johan swallow hard. "I…Things haven't be exactly ideal anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if the world is going to end…But then I know that you wouldn't let that happen, and neither would I. Still, I'm really nervous about the situation everywhere."

"Is that why you've been having a bad sleep?" Juudai asked, growing more concerned, "Because you're so worried and anxious?"

"Partially," Johan replied, a bit under his breath, "I've had a lot on my mind. It's difficult to deal with sometimes…"

"We're going to make it," Juudai assured him, "I'll make sure of that."

"I know, I know. It's just unnerving because sometimes I wonder how long we can keep this up. Sometimes I wonder how long we can avoid the trouble. I'll do my best too, I really will. But it's just becoming too difficult for me to handle. Just about everything is. Some days I don't even want to get up…I don't want to face the world…Not when everything's a constant reminder of what's to come. I know I should enjoy life and I have been…until just recently. I can't get it out of my mind and I just can't ignore it anymore. And it seems as though nothing is going the way I want it to…nothing's going right, you know? And…I feel a bit out of place in the Pros, to be honest." Johan finished, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

"I understand," Juudai said, trying to console him, "I feel really bad about these things too, especially recently. It looks as though Japan is on the same route as Europe but…I have hope. Maybe things will turn around. But we shouldn't turn a blind eye to the possibility that it won't. I'm not saying either way at this point. But I am keeping my options open, and I'm looking into what I can do just in case. As for you…I really don't like your decision to stay in Europe. I really want you out of there now."

"So impatient," Johan sighed.

"Well, do you blame me? You're in danger! And if you stay there any longer, if you hesitate, then who knows what will happen! You've got to listen to me. You've got to get out of there." Juudai's voice grew shakier as he continued, his grip on the phone tightening.

"I…I don't want to leave my home," Johan insisted, his voice shaking as well, "It's just really hard, Juudai, please don't be this way. Please understand. Sometimes I think you're the only one who understands…So when you pull this on me it just…" He trailed off, seemingly unable to finish his statement.

Juudai felt his mouth go dry. He felt the upmost sympathy for Johan, he really did. And it was not like he did not understand. He did. He felt horrible about the possibility that he might need to leave Japan. And he supposed if he were in Johan's shoes, he would hesitate to leave as well, telling himself that it would get better and all. But…he had to face the facts even if Johan would not. That was what he was there for; to help Johan realize this truth and cope with it.

"I know what you mean," Juudai said soothingly, "I understand. I'd feel the same way. But…if it's dangerous, then you don't need to be denying the truth. I know it's not easy. But I'm going to help you. Don't worry about it. Now, are you sure you don't want me to come over? I really think I should."

"No," Johan insisted, "I don't want you to risk it…you might get hurt. I'll be all right. I'm just discouraged…And you're not really helping. Then again, what can you do? I know you're right. I just…it's very hard to accept it. I don't want to admit you're right. I don't want to leave and have to face reality. It's all I have…"

"But," Juudai protested, "no matter where you go, you'll always have me, too. I'm not going to let anything come between us, Ok? We've stuck it out this far. We can keep going because even if we don't have anything else…we have each other. And we can derive comfort and strength from that, knowing that the other is always there. And I'm always here for you, and that's not going to change. I won't let anything happen to you and I know you won't let anything happen to me. We have each others' backs. Ok?"

"You're right…" Johan laughed softly, trying to pull himself back together, "I'm sorry. I'm just…not sure how to handle all of this. It's a lot of pressure. Not to mention…my duels haven't been going so well. You know that. You saw. Though I'm kind of ashamed you saw…"

"Don't be!" Juudai was shocked that Johan would say or think such a thing. It made him worry all the more. After all, since when was Johan so self-conscious? "You did your best! And there's no need to be ashamed of your best…Besides, you were distracted. I know you have a lot on your mind. So don't say things like that…Please don't."

He could almost hear Johan smiling weakly from the hint of a laugh in his voice. "Ok, Ok. I'm sorry. I just am feeling really bad right now. It's probably the sleep deprivation and stress getting to me. I'm just not feeling myself right now. But I'll probably be better tomorrow."

"Well, don't try to force yourself," Juudai pointed out, "That will only make things worse. Don't worry about anything. I'll listen to you whether you're happy or not."

There was another pause. Juudai patiently waited for Johan to say something, but he didn't for a long time. Eventually, Juudai turned his attention back to the computer screen while he waited, and scrolled down the page, gathering information. He groaned inwardly at what he saw; almost all of the countries were in Europe. And he most certainly could not move to Africa…Sighing, he propped his chin in his palm, feeling a bit dejected, but hopeful all the same. He kept scrolling down, until his eye caught on a word. Sitting up a bit straighter in his seat, he clicked on the link, trembling a bit. Soon, he was scanning the page rapidly, growing all the more excited. So he had been right! It could be a reality. And it was someplace that he thought was doable, too. Maybe he could find a way to work this out…

Hearing a lengthy sigh from Johan reminded him that he was still on the phone. He wondered if Johan was finally going to say something, but the other did not. So, he decided to speak again.

"Do you want me to let you go?" He asked quietly, trying not to sound like he wanted to get off.

When he got no reply, he wondered if they had been cut off, or if Johan had left the phone. Or…had he fallen asleep? He waited another moment for the other to say something, anything, in response, but got none.

"Johan," He said a little louder, "did you go to sleep on me? Are you still there?"

"Mmhm," Johan replied after another moment.

"Do you want me to hang up? You seem kind of tired…" Juudai continued, a bit worriedly.

"Mmm, don't go," Johan mumbled, sounding drowsy. Even if he might not be asleep at the moment, he was beginning to fall asleep.

"Well, I don't want you to waste your minutes or run your phone bill up or anything," Juudai told him, "So I should probably let you go."

"No," Johan murmured, "I need you. Stay on."

"Ok," Juudai agreed, turning back to the computer screen.

He sat on the computer, holding the phone with one hand, his other hand on the mouse, for quite some time, looking up the information he needed. It did not take long for Johan to go to sleep; Juudai could hear his breathing deepen and even out. It relieved him that Johan had been put out of his distress for the time being. Hopefully sleep was all he needed and he would be fine by the morning.

In the meantime, Juudai finished up with his research by writing down what he deemed important. Then, he shut the computer down and headed back up to his room. Yawning, he flopped down on the bed and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, still holding the phone to his ear. Johan had told him to stay on…and that was exactly what he was going to do. After all, Johan might need him sometime later. The bill did not matter. Johan was more important than any amount of money. So, he let his eyes flutter shut, allowing himself to drift off into a deep sleep.

* * *

By the time Juudai had awoken, Johan had already gotten up and hung up the phone. Either that or his battery had died. But it did not matter to Juudai. So long as Johan was all right. He somewhat expected to hear from Johan later that morning but…the other man did not call him. He suspected that Johan probably had gone off to fulfill some of the things he had been asked to do. If he remembered correctly, Johan was giving a motivational speech to some high school students that day. And he was getting paid for it so…he supposed that might have been the work that Johan had been referring to.

Since he did not have anywhere to go due to the fact that he worked while traveling, Juudai hung around the house all day, doing whatever he felt like. He tried calling a few of his old friends, but only Rei had a chance to talk. Still, it was nice to catch up a little. He did, however, remember to call the restaurant and make reservations. They were not too pleased that it was last minute, but accepted it because of _who_ Juudai and Johan were.

Truth be told, he was not just excited about meeting Johan and talking his idea over with him. He was also extremely nervous about it. He kept pacing up and down in the living room, grinning weakly to himself as he thought about it. It was absolutely ridiculous. But…he did not care anymore. He did not care if it was wrong or not. He did not care what other people thought of him. After all, he loved Johan with all his heart, and he wanted to show his commitment. Even if they could not live close to each other. This would suffice, if he could only convince Johan to do it. It was not as though he was giving up his life. He was not asking Johan to move in with him. He just wanted to show Johan how much he loved him through more than just words. They had already made the commitment nonverbally. It was time for him to finalize it. Sure, it might not have seemed like much, and it might have seemed a bit silly since he really did not need that to be happy but…he felt as though it would be a good thing to do. So, he had made up his mind. He was going to do it.

Glancing at the time, he bounded up the stairs to go take a quick shower. He wanted to be somewhat presentable. After all, he was basically going to propose to Johan, and at a fancy restaurant, too. He made sure to wash himself thoroughly, and when he got out, he dried his hair and combed it back into place. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and frowned, not really liking the way he looked with neater hair. He then shook his head and ran his hand over his hair a bit, to give it a more messed-up, wild appearance, like it usually had. Well, the hair could stay, he supposed. Too bad he would have to dress somewhat nicely.

Wandering back into his bedroom, he dug through his closet. It had been so long since he had last worn dressy clothes. He was not even sure he owned a dress shirt anymore! But, after a moment of rummaging, he found a plain black dress shirt stuffed way in the back of the closet. He grimaced as he held it at arms' length. It really was not his style at all. He would have much rather thrown on a T-shirt and his old Osiris jacket. But he had to dress up. It was his fault for wanting to go to an upscale restaurant anyway. Sighing heavily, he pulled in on and began to button it up, grimacing as he did so.

As much as he cared about Johan, he just could not force himself to wear anything too dressy. In the end, he compromised with himself and threw on a nicer pair of jeans and a pair of somewhat dressy black shoes. Then, he surveyed his appearance in the mirror again. It would do. It was not too dressy but not too casual either. He supposed he could get away with it. Though he figured Johan might be amused by his obvious attempt and fail at trying to dress presentably. Other people might be offended by it. But he did not care. He actually laughed at himself for trying so hard…Johan did not need this to be impressed. He really did not have to take him to an expensive place to eat. But, he reminded himself, this was a special occasion. And once he told Johan, the other would understand. Hopefully. He was not quite sure.

Even though he knew Johan loved him to pieces, and even though he was naturally confident, he could not help but feel apprehensive about it. After all, a voice in the back of his mind was wandering…What if Johan said no? Well, that was the worst that could happen, he supposed. Johan would never leave him. Especially not for something petty like that.

He sighed and grabbed his wallet off the dresser, stuffing it into the back pocket of his jeans before leaving the room and dashing down the stairs. Well, he had spent a little too long getting ready and contemplating what he was about to do. It was already time to go…In fact, he might even be a little late. Even though this did not concern him on a daily basis, he needed all the brownie points he could get for that evening. And if Johan saw he was really making an effort and really trying, it might make things a little easier on them. Juudai mainly worried because Johan had been so unlike himself the night before. He had no clue what sort of shape Johan might be in that day, nor did he know what he would be faced with. For all he knew, Johan's state of mind might affect the decision he made. He could only hope that since then, Johan had returned to his old self. Or, at least, partially so.

Unlike before, the drive to the restaurant went smoothly. The rain had ceased, and the night was clear and cool. Strangely enough, Juudai had felt a sense of calm wash over him as soon as he had started the car. He could do this. And nothing would go wrong. Johan would say yes, he was sure of that. He had absolutely nothing to worry about.

With renewed confidence, he parked his car and headed inside the restaurant. He stopped to sign in at the front, ignoring the obvious looks of the more opulent diners around him. He knew they were judging him. But once again, he did not care. He had something else on his mind at the moment.

The maitre d' led him to the back of the restaurant, to a small booth in the corner. He apologized a bit for the inconvenience of such a booth, but Juudai waved it off. It was fine to him. In fact, he was glad that it was set in the corner. It gave them a bit more privacy, at the very least.

He clenched and unclenched his clammy hands, swallowing a little as he caught sight of Johan sitting on one side of the booth, calmly looking over the menu. He, as usual, was wearing a dress shirt, though it was a bit cleaner cut than the ones he wore on a daily basis. Feeling still a bit nervous, Juudai slipped into the seat opposite him, smiling brightly at the man in front of him.

Johan's emerald gaze flickered up from the menu up at Juudai. At first, Juudai was a bit concerned because he did not look too happy at all. Why was he upset? Had Juudai done something wrong? He would have asked Johan. But then, a warm smile gradually washed over the other man's features. Apparently, he had only been deep in thought.

"Juudai," He said softly, his eyes sparkling a bit as he leaned over the table and captured the brunet in a one-arm embrace. The two shared a quick kiss before sitting back and staring at each other. "I see you came through for me."

Juudai laughed. "Of course! When have I not come through for you?"

"Never," Johan admitted, "Anyway, I'm sorry about last night. And sorry I hung up on you before you woke up. I had an appointment, you know."

"Yeah," Juudai told him, leaning a bit on the table, grinning, "I know. It's Ok. You really worried me though. I thought I was going to have to come down there and fix whatever it was that was bothering you."

Shaking his head, Johan said, "Well, it's all better now. As I said before, the world's problems were just piling up on me and I felt as though I couldn't handle them all. But…now I see that I can. I was just really tired and had had some pretty bad dreams. And I was worried about what might…" He suddenly trailed off, staring down at the table. Slowly, he reached out and took Juudai's hand, squeezing it tightly as his eyes remained glued to surface of the table. "…happen to us. I don't want a repeat of Dark World…only worse."

Juudai flinched visibly at the mention of Dark World. Seeing this, Johan squeezed his hand tighter, which the brunet greatly appreciated. "I understand. Was that what you were talking about when you said it reminded you of something?"

Johan nodded. "That and…Well, I was just a bit stressed out about my career. I remember what happened to Ryo…And I worried that it might happen to me. Not the whole Underground thing. Not about losing popularity. But about losing my touch at dueling. I couldn't bear for that to happen…"

"Well, it won't," Juudai assured him, "I have faith in you. You're a strong person. And I won't ever let Dark World happen again, Ok? And I know you won't let it happen again either. We'll work together if anything comes up."

Johan grinned cheekily. "True. I've just been sort of doubting myself lately, I guess. Simply because I've been scared. After all we've done for the world for the past few years…it's really worn me out."

"I can understand that," Juudai told him, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

Before they could continue their conversation, the waiter came up to their table, inquiring what they would like for dinner. They placed their orders then sat back in silence, staring at their drinks. Juudai wondered if he should ask Johan then…or wait until later. Thinking about how he felt, he decided that it just was not quite the right time yet. Perhaps while they were eating. Or maybe even after their meal, when they were enjoying their dessert or saying goodnight. All the choices sounded good, but Juudai knew that he could not truly ask until he _felt_ as though it were the time. So, he held his tongue and went over his plan one more time in his head.

They ended up remaining silent, each to his own thoughts, until their food actually came. However, it was not unpleasant. Each already knew what the other was feeling, really. Usually, this could be a good thing, but it proved to be a bit detrimental in that case. Johan suspected that something was up, and he kept looking at Juudai as though he was not sure what to do or say. Juudai pretended as though he did not notice, though inside he was feeling a bit nervous about it.

Johan cleared his throat as he took a bite of his fish. Juudai glanced up from his plate at the same time Johan did, causing their eyes to meet. Putting his fork down, Johan finally spoke, a curious expression lingering on his face.

"Ok, Juudai, what's going on?"

"Huh?" Juudai blinked.

"There's no need to play dumb. Why did you really drag me down here? You mentioned something last night…" He paused, waiting for Juudai to fill in the blank.

Swallowing hard, Juudai set his fork down as well, clasping his hands on the table and leaning forward a bit. "Johan…" He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He could do this… "Remember how I told you before that I wanted to be closer to you?"

"Yeah?" Johan frowned a bit, though it was in thought.

"Well," Juudai said, trying to suppress the grin that was coming to his face and the excitement bubbling inside of him, "I want to take our relationship further."

Johan tilted his head a bit to one side, giving him a quizzical look. "What do you mean?" He asked, picking up his fork again.

Juudai swallowed the nervousness that rose up in his throat, trying to calm his pounding heart and ignore the queasy feeling in his stomach. "Johan…" He paused, licking his lips a bit in anxiety. Could he really do this? It was making him feel so many things at once! It was so overwhelming but…he had made up his mind already. Time to pop the question. "Will you marry me?"

Johan's sea green eyes widened. He nearly choked on his mouthful of food. Coughing, he took a quick sip of water and stared at Juudai as though he were crazy. "What?!"

Juudai smiled weakly. He had not been quite anticipating that sort of reaction, though he really should have. "I said, will you marry me?"

Johan continued to stare at him as he chewed. Truth be told, he was so shocked and badly shaken that he did not know how to respond. So, he just thought about it, trying to put a coherent sentence together in his mind. He barely managed to put his thoughts in order by the time he swallowed his food. "Please don't tell me you're serious…"

Juudai's smile wavered a bit. "Well…yeah…" This did not sound good. Juudai was beginning to worry that Johan just might say no, especially with the look he was receiving. Swallowing hard, he tried to calm himself down.

Sighing heavily, Johan closed his eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Oh, Juudai…" He sighed again, "don't be rash…"

Juudai's smile faded completely. "But—"

Opening his eyes, Johan looked tiredly in Juudai's direction, then, smiled a bit as though to reassure him. He patted Juudai's shaking hand, knowing he had to be gentle. "Ok, I'm sorry. I'm just…really surprised, to say the least. But…please don't be impulsive."

"I'm not!" Juudai insisted, "I've been thinking about this for a long time!"

"You have?" Johan looked astonished. "And I didn't even know? Why couldn't you have talked to me about this before?"

"Because I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted," Juudai replied, staring down at their hands, "but…I know now that I do want to spend my life with you. I know we don't necessarily need to get married, and I'm not asking you to give up your life and move in with me or anything. It's just…the world is falling to pieces and I really feel like we need each other more than ever, and I really want to show you how much I love you. We don't need words, true but…it's just something I really really want to do. More than anything in the world."

Shaking his head, Johan told him softly, "We can't."

"Yes, we can!" Juudai pressed, squeezing Johan's hand, "I already looked it up. There are options…There are plenty of them! We don't have to give up our lifestyle or anything. It's just…" He trailed off, noticing Johan was looking him right in his eyes.

Smiling wearily, Johan finally remarked, "Ah, Juudai. I love you so much. You know that, right? Well…I'll…think about it, Ok? Because if I say yes…then it's for your sake. I'll do it if you really want me to…I just have to think about it a bit. And I think you should think about it more too. And definitely look into it more. We'll work it out, Ok?"

Juudai nodded feebly, feeling somewhat weak. Johan gave his hand another squeeze and offered him a pleasant smile, as though to tell him it was all right. But Juudai was not so sure. Johan had not said yes right away like he had imagined…and he was beginning to understand why. Still, he was determined to get the other man to agree to it one way or another. Unless…Johan really did not want to. If he could not bring himself to do it, then Juudai would let it go. He did not want to pressure Johan into anything and he did not want to hurt him. So he backed off for the time being.

They talked a little as they finished their food and then dessert, keeping the conversation light. However, they were both thinking heavily about the proposal, and it was weighing down on them greatly. By the time they paid the bill and got ready to leave, Johan's anxiety had doubled. Even as Juudai started to get up and tell him goodbye, he could feel the other's deep concern…and longing. Johan really wanted to say yes, he could tell. But…logic was holding him back.

"Well," Juudai said, shaking himself from his thoughts and standing, "I'd better go. I'll see you later."

Johan stood quickly as well, grabbing Juudai's arm. "Wait. Can I come with you? I mean…can we just go outside and talk a little more?" His eyes begged Juudai.

Nodding, Juudai led him out the door, ignoring the obvious glances of those around him. He did not care whether they knew what was going on or not. It was most certainly none of their business, but people were going to be nosy no matter what. There was no need to be overly secretive of it. Though, it did embarrass him a little that he was being stared at. The slightest hint of a blush crept to his cheeks.

The night air had cooled considerably by the time they stepped outside. Shivering a bit from cold, they wandered to the parking lot, where Juudai's car was. Then, Juudai unlocked the doors and let them in, before closing and locking them. He turned to Johan, waiting for him to say something. They just looked into each other's eyes for a moment, searching each other's feelings. Then, Johan leaned over and gently took Juudai in his arms, surprising the brunet.

Laying his head on Juudai's chest, he murmured, "I appreciate you doing this for me."

"Doing what?" Juudai asked, confused.

Smirking, Johan looked up at him and replied, "Dressing up and taking me out. I really needed that. I needed to be shown that someone cares. It's been a rough week."

Juudai nodded, slipping his arms around Johan as well and holding him close. "It sure has been." He closed his eyes, burying his nose in Johan's silky teal hair, breathing his scent deeply. It had been too long since they had last been close like that…since they had last held each other.

It made Juudai wish that there could be more times like this…It made him ache all the more for Johan to say yes. He let his eyes open halfway as he stared down at the other man in his arms, wanting desperately to hear him agree. He would have done almost anything to hear it. Johan shifted and buried his face in Juudai's neck, holding him tighter. He knew what Juudai was feeling. He knew what Juudai wanted. However, he just could not say yes yet…He had to look into it first. Though, he really wanted to make Juudai happy. It was one of the things he lived for.

He closed his eyes and lingered in Juudai's scent for a moment before pulling back to look into the brunet's chocolate eyes. He figured they might as well talk about it. After all, he could tell that Juudai was upset about it and wanted to reassure him. "Juudai," He murmured, "I want to say yes…"

Juudai felt his heart skip a beat. "Then go with it," He told Johan, "Do whatever you feel is right."

"It's just…I'm not sure if it's practical or not," Johan explained, frowning slightly, "I don't know if I could forgive myself for jumping into something."

"I've already looked into it," Juudai reassured him, rubbing his back slowly, "And I've already made up my mind. Just trust me with the decision."

Johan grimaced slightly. "I hate to say it but…you tend to be impulsive at times. But…if you say that you've looked into it, then I believe you."

A slight smile graced Juudai's lips and he gently brushed some hair out of Johan's face, all the while staring into his eyes. "I'd really be the happiest person alive if you said yes…"

"Do you really want it that badly?" Johan queried, somewhat surprised, "I never thought that you would need that sort of thing…I mean, I thought we were fine with our relationship where it is…"

"Things change," Juudai pointed out shrugging, "And I've changed a lot since high school. It is what I want…even if we don't get married right away, I just need to know that you will someday."

Johan did not respond right away as he was thinking. Finally, he sighed. "Well, you already mentioned that we probably would not be living together…though most people would think that defeats the purpose, I understand now why you want to do this. You know that we have different lives but…if you really are willing to stick with me even if it isn't the most pleasant of things..."

Juudai nodded, his mouth going dry. "Of course! You already know that I would! Haven't I proved it?"

Smiling, Johan replied, "You have in more ways than the average person would find possible. I know I can trust you…I'm still hesitant about it but…I just might do it." He paused, a bit reluctant to surrender the next piece of information, though he did so for Juudai's sake. "I really would love to."

"So, will you?" At that point, Juudai almost felt like flat out begging. But he knew that would do no good. So, he forced himself to wait patiently, though he did stare at Johan expectantly.

Johan could feel Juudai's anxiety over the matter, as well as his deep desire. He knew Juudai wanted it very badly. But could he really just give in without really knowing what he was getting into? He knew Juudai would not be a problem. Rather, it was the actual process itself. He did not know what they would face. He did not know if it would end up hurting them. It was not a good idea to rush into it; he should wait for the time being and think about it. No matter what, he could not let himself give in so quickly, no matter how much he wanted it. So, he shook his head and laid it back down on Juudai's chest.

"No."

Juudai was a bit shaken by this response. Shocked, he squeezed Johan closer, trying to ignore the hurt that rose within him. He knew he had been taking a risk and…well, he knew Johan had a point. However, that did not keep him from being highly disappointed.

Feeling sorry for him, Johan embraced him closer and tighter. He knew Juudai was aching. He was too. Why had he been faced with such a difficult decision? Trying to console both himself and Juudai, he whispered, "I love you, I really do. I love you more than anything. But…I'm scared and I'm not sure. Maybe…I'll change my mind. I don't know. It's just best for me to say no for now. If I'm uncertain then it's best to say no because then later I can always change my mind. But if I say yes when I'm not ready and when it's clearly harmful for us to get into, then it will do no good. It's not like I'm rejecting you or anything. You do understand, right?"

Juudai nodded, pressing Johan closer to his heart, trying to ease the terrible ache. He swallowed hard and leaned back in the car seat, staring out the windshield at the darkness. The silence between them was suffocating. "So…you might still say yes later?" He finally asked, sounding hopeful.

"Maybe," Johan answered, his eyes shutting slowly, "Just maybe."

For once in his life, Juudai was not sure what to do. He was not sure if he had made the right decision or not. Time would have to tell…And if Johan would not come through for him, then he would know that they should not go further with it. Who knew? With the way things had been going lately, they actually might have to step back. All he could do was wait…Whatever would come, would come.

* * *

**A/N: Woo second chapter. And it's total crap. DX I feel like maybe it's OOC or moving too quickly or they were too fickle or something…but…I was going for an inner battle sort of thing. I need better transitions. I know there were some rough spots, but I liked them that way and thereby left them, due to stylistic choices. Sorryz. X.x**


	3. Chapter 3: Fragility

**A/N: Am I doing all right with this story? Because I'm not getting quite the response I was hoping for…oh well. I guess that will come with time. -.-; Or maybe I should change my summary? O.o Idk but I'm making the chapters shorter if that helps. XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own GX.**

* * *

Chapter 3: Fragility

Juudai sighed heavily as he jammed his hands in his pockets, walking briskly towards the arena. It was Johan's last day in the tournament, and he was not looking forward to saying goodbye. Especially after what had happened between them. He did not particularly want to be coming but…Johan needed his support. And he was not going to let him down or hurt him just because he was not feeling that well. Besides, Johan was feeling a bit discouraged about the way the tournament was going. He had not told Juudai why yet, which bothered the brunet. Why was Johan hiding things from him? Were they really drifting apart? Sighing again and watching his exhaled breath in the chilled air, he stopped in front of the building to check the time.

Well, for once he was early. Perhaps it had been because he had wanted to get it over with. No, he thought to himself, that was not the case. There was not really a time when he did not want to watch a duel. At least he had thought so. Maybe he wanted to talk to Johan. But he was not sure if he would have the chance. He just needed to see him, to know that everything would be all right. He debated with himself on whether or not he should try to talk to him, then finally thought that it would be a good idea. Slowly, almost reluctantly, he pushed past the double doors into the heated interior.

He flipped his cell phone open for the twentieth time since he had parked his car, only to find that there were, of course, no new messages. He stared at the screen for a moment before finally typing a message.

_"Where are you?"_

As casual as it might seem, it was not just a message asking Johan where he was physically located. Juudai was still hurting badly from the obvious rejection and following withdrawal. He felt as though he needed Johan's emotional consolation. He knew that the other had told him not to take it too personally, that it was just not a good idea to begin with but…there was more to it than met the eye. Johan had more reasons than he was willing to admit. Perhaps Juudai had noticed his distant behavior before, but failed to believe it. Johan had tried to cover it up but…it had been there, that was for sure.

He leaned against the wall as he waited for a response. He stared at the phone for a long time, but he never received one. Until it was time to go in to watch the duel, he stood out in the lobby, against the wall, waiting and hoping with all his heart that Johan would reply. When the people finally stopped trickling in through the doors, he finally shut his phone off, and put it back in his pocket, slowly trudging in as well.

* * *

Despite his troubles, Juudai soon found himself caught up in the duel. It was just something he could not ignore. Duels fueled his existence; they were his lifeblood. Even in his physical and emotional state, he was filled with excitement. The energy and tension…the passion of the game…it swept him away. Why had he been so reluctant to come? He had to remind himself of this over and over again, as he watched the two participants battle as though their lives depended on it. And they almost did.

This duel was not just any duel. It was the final round of the tournament, and whoever won would go on to the next tournament and be awarded a large sum of money as a prize. Not to mention, it was a sort of promotion, so to speak. Juudai knew how important winning this duel was. He knew that Johan wanted it so badly; he had been preparing for it for days. However, he had been struggling to stay afloat for reasons that he was not sure of. Perhaps that was what had kept him distant. It was not that he had become a poor duelist. Rather, times had changed and he did not approve of the new norm of the game. Instead, he cleaved fast to the traditional way of playing, the _honest_ way of playing. He respected his cards, and he was not going to hurt them in order to gain more out of it. But by doing so, he had fallen behind a bit. Well, it was not anything he could not fix. He would make a comeback. Juudai was sure of it.

Although, at the moment he was not doing so well. Juudai could tell that it would not be the day he made a major comeback. That, however, did not necessarily mean he would lose. It just would be a close match. Already, they were in their last round. Of course, Juudai kept his mind open to anything. Predictions were not always correct; after all, the entire game could come down to one draw, one card, one play.

Observing the field, Juudai mulled over what Johan could do to win. Already, he had gathered three gems in his magic card zone, and he had Emerald Turtle in defense. As well, he had a face down card. But, by the way that he was gripping his hand cards gave away the fact that he was, in reality, nervous. He seemed so much tenser than usual; he was not enjoying himself, which meant that something was very wrong. Perhaps there was more to this match than Juudai realized?

He turned his attention back towards Johan's opponent. He had one face down on the field and it was his turn. A smirk spread across his sharp features as he drew a card. There was no telling what card he had drawn. Juudai could only hope that it was not another one of those new magic cards he so hated.

"I summon Zombie Master (1800) in attack mode!" He called, as a ragged looking figure with spiky silver hair appeared on the field. "Next, I activate my face down card, Destruction Ring and attach it to Zombie Master!"

Juudai's eyes widened. They would both take damage equal to Zombie Master's attack points, then. But Johan only had 1200 life points left whereas his opponent had 2000. If his face down was not something he could use to ward this off, then he would lose.

"I activate my face down card, Dust Tornado!" Johan waved his hand as the face down was revealed, and a swirling vortex began to move across the field. He still seemed tense, but his face relaxed a bit more. In fact, he actually smiled a little.

Juudai was relieved as well. Perhaps Johan could hang in there long enough to make a recovery. If only he could draw Ancient Rainbow City—Rainbow Ruin. Then the duel was as good as won.

"Like I'd let you do something like that."

This statement was enough to put Juudai at discomfort again. His brows knitted together in frustration. Silently, he encouraged Johan, telling him that he could pull through. He could do this if he believed in his deck.

"I activate Cyclone from my hand. Now I can destroy that trap card." He pointed towards Dust Tornado.

And just like that, Johan's last option went down the drain. Juudai watched in dismay as the tornado dissipated, and the card burst into many fragments. Johan clenched his teeth and his fists, frowning as he watched the ring clamp around Zombie Master's neck. A second later, the monster burst into shards, and their life points went down according to the 1800 attack points.

Johan dropped to his knees as his life points hit zero, leaving the crowd stunned. It was not that he had not played well; it was that his opponent had played disgracefully, having an unfair advantage. Juudai stood, feeling a rush of sympathy and anger. How could Johan's opponent have treated his cards so disrespectfully? How could he have sacrificed so much just to gain one victory? It was not worth it. And Johan understood that. No wonder he had been having a hard time. This was what he had to deal with on a daily basis. This was the fight he had to struggle with constantly; even if it was a given what he would choose to do, that did not make it easy on him considering the consequences. And those dire consequences were taking a toll on him in more than one aspect of his life. Dueling was the essence of his life, just as it was to Juudai. Since it had been corrupted by the new techniques, by these powerful magic cards that Juudai and Johan both refused to use, Johan had been deeply wounded at heart. His love for his creatures and the game caused him much grief as he struggled to resurrect the integrity and respect that dueling had once contained. Juudai knew it all too well. He, too, was trying his best to bring dueling back to its full glory. Alas, those were the hopeful dreams of times long past.

Johan slowly got to his feet, gripping the sleeves of his dress shirt. The duel had hurt; Juudai could see it in his eyes. And not just emotionally. These new duels were hurting both the mind and the body. Not in the same way underground duels might. It was no permanent physical harm. They should be more concerned about the psychological harm done by them, and the harm done to their cards. Johan did not want to put his family in danger, he really did not. That was one of the reasons he refused to use these wretched magic cards. But he had to fight to try to stop this…and the Gem Beasts understood. He never let them get too badly hurt. He would take the blow himself if he had to. And even though Juudai was proud of him for this, he was still worried about him.

As Johan trudged back towards the dressing rooms, trembling from exertion, Juudai slipped past the crowd, and past the reporters. They tried to come closer to Johan, firing questions rapidly at him. He refused to answer. He only hung his head and kept walking, as though each step were killing him. And maybe it was. He seemed to be dying inside, and Juudai was not sure why he was. Why could he not cope with it like he had? There had to be more to it than he realized. And he was determined to both find out and aid him in any and every way he possibly could.

"Johan!" He called loudly, trying to be heard over the roar of the crowd. He squeezed past the fans and newscasters, rushing to catch up to him. "Johan!!"

The European did not seem to hear him. If he did, he refused to acknowledge it. Juudai had to push past security and follow him down the hall. At least he could do this, due to his status.

"Johan…"

This time, the other stopped. Heaving a heavy sigh, he turned and forced his gaze up to meet Juudai's. "I couldn't do it…" A mournful smile curved the edges of his mouth upwards. "You know what this duel meant to me, to us, don't you?"

Juudai paused briefly so he could think about the question. Finally, he replied, "I…do. But I'm not sure I understand or know all that you do."

Shaking his head, Johan answered, "You couldn't possibly. You haven't dueled in the Pro Circuit. You haven't seen what I have."

"Even from the sidelines? I think it's pretty obvious what's going on. And from what you've told me—"

"Juudai," The other's voice was almost pleading, agony apparent in his eyes as he clapped his hands down on Juudai's shoulders, "You may know, but you haven't seen."

There was a moment of silence as the two stared into each other's eyes, trying to gain common ground. Juudai tried to understand, though he was not sure he ever would.

"I…I know what's going on…I know what you've told me and I know from how you feel. I can almost see it but—"

"But you haven't seen it the way I do." Johan explained, his grip tightening, "There's no way you could take it the same way I do if you aren't me…and if you don't experience it in quite the same way. To have those feelings at that moment…to watch it instead of hearing about it…to know deep inside the pain that your monsters are experiencing…and hardly being able to do anything about it. To feel helpless and useless…It makes it difficult to live with myself. To know that it's my fault for putting them in that situation knowingly…and to not do enough to protect them. To know that my family's suffering is a reflection of my country's suffering…and to know that this time, dueling cannot solve the problem because it is the problem. Haven't you ever felt so wrong? So foolish? So uncertain about yourself?"

"J-Johan…" Juudai stared at him in surprise, his chocolate eyes slightly widened. A look of sympathy crossed his face, "I'm so sorry…But you know you're not useless. You're not helpless. I know you can do something."

"That's what I told myself," Johan sighed, swallowing hard and squeezing his eyes shut, "I tried so hard…to believe…It's just getting so difficult…I will persevere. I refuse to give up. It's just very…exhausting and discouraging. I don't know how to bring myself up from this. I don't know how I can help. I just haven't been myself lately. You know that. And you know why you just can't grasp it quite enough…"

Nodding slowly, Juudai patted the other on the back, then brought him into a gentle embrace. He was finding it difficult to follow Johan since he seemed scatterbrained at the moment, but he thought it would be best to reply in a way that conveyed stability instead of confusion. Even if he truly did not know if he and Johan were on the same page. "I'll try to understand. I'll try to help. You know I'll be here for you. You know you have my unconditional support."

"But you don't support me the way I need you to," Johan insisted, "You tell me to get out of Denmark. You tell me to get out of Europe in general. How could you tell me to run like a coward? How could you tell me that?"

"Because…I don't want you to get hurt. Is there really anything we can do?" Juudai swallowed hard, feeling a bit disgusted with himself. If he did think of it that way, then perhaps Johan was right. Was this really like him at all? Had he changed that much in those years? Normally, he would have jumped to the challenge but…What was it about this time that made it impossible? Then again, Johan _was_ in danger and it was something too complex and delicate to be solved by dueling alone.

At the same time, the statement puzzled Juudai further. A moment ago they had been talking about the way Duel Monsters had been changing. And yet Johan had somehow morphed it into his country's political problems. No, Juudai did not understand him but he would just act like he did.

"We don't know until we try," Johan argued, "We have to take the risk of making things worse. Because we can't sit around and do nothing. A couple of years ago you would not have given it a second thought…Look, you know there's always something we can do. But…I suppose I can't entirely blame you. After all, you don't know the situation to the fullest extent." He started to pull away from Juudai.

"No, no…" Juudai tried to engulf him back into the embrace, but it was not accepted. "If you just make me understand…if you'd just tell me maybe there would be something I could do. Because from what I've heard then it just doesn't seem like a situation I want you in." From what he'd heard, it was a situation that could not be resolved easily or quickly. And since it was that dangerous, he wanted Johan to get out of there. Why would the other not understand? What was keeping him from complying?

"I don't care…what it takes…" Johan told him, clenching his fists, "I know this may seem sudden…but you don't know how long I've been trying to hold this in. You don't know how hard I've tried…I just…didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd react like this. Look, I've gotten myself into this mess…and I'm going to make it right. And there's nothing you can do about it because I want you to focus on what you have to focus on, and I want you to stick with your own matters. It's nothing personal against you, it's just something close to home for me."  
"What are you talking about?" Juudai queried, moving closer to Johan and frowning slightly. There. He had expressed his confusion. Hopefully, Johan would take the hint and explain. "What 'mess?' And it is my own matter because I care about you more than anything in the world. I told you before; I'll tell you again…you've done enough for me in times past. I will NOT have Dark World happen all over again. I simply will NOT let you get yourself involved in that much trouble. If anyone dares to hurt you like that…I just could not BEAR it." Taking a deep shaky breath, he tried to still himself, as he was trembling greatly.

"And I'll go through it all over again if I have to!" Johan insisted with such a burst of emotion, it left Juudai rather taken aback, "Sometimes, you have to do what you have to do. And I don't want you to sacrifice the sake of the world for me. That's foolish. And you know it. Don't try to stop me. Because in the end, you'll only end up hurting everyone else, including me. I really hate to have to disagree with you, or talk to you like this because I really don't like to, but you just don't understand."

"Then explain it to me so I will!" Juudai could not help but snap, "How could you expect me to let you do this if I don't understand? And how do you expect me to understand and this problem to be solved if you don't explain it to me?!"

"It's not like I entirely don't want to," Johan replied, "It's that I can't. As in, I really cannot. As in, if I were to tell you, it would endanger us and everyone else even more. Just…trust me. I know what I'm doing." His eyes softened considerably as he gazed at Juudai.

Looking into his sea green eyes, Juudai realized that Johan really was caught between a rock and a hard place. He really did want to tell Juudai. He really did hate disagreeing with him. It was then that Juudai realized that he was far more in the dark than he had originally thought. Johan was keeping a lot of information from him for reasons he could not discern. And that was why this whole conversation seemed so confusing and disjointed. Because Johan knew of a connection that he did not. His own expression softened as well, and he felt remorse for snapping at the other. It was not Johan's fault. He was facing a difficult situation, perhaps the most difficult of his life, and Juudai was not helping. He realized that as much as he wanted to protect him, he could not. He had to be respectful of Johan's feelings and wishes. And he had to let him do what he deemed important. Unless it was self-destructive, Juudai could not hold him back. There were some things, after all, that he could not involve himself in.

"Well, if you're in that much danger," Juudai murmured, bringing his hand up to touch Johan's face, "then you definitely need to tell me at one point or another. I guess it'll do you no good to tell me now. But when the time is right; I want to know."

Shaking his head and gently brushing Juudai's hand away, Johan remarked quietly, "And that time will never come at the rate things are going."

"What do you mean?" Juudai asked worriedly, stepping a bit closer.

"It's just that…" Johan stopped a moment, then sighed heavily. He turned around one hundred eighty degrees, and his entire outlook seemed to change. "Oh, Juudai, even if I stick to my goals and keep trying I still don't know if I'll get another chance to duel in the Pros!"

The sudden outburst took Juudai by surprise. Juudai's chocolate eyes widened and he stared silently at Johan. One moment Johan had been so determined and yet…He seemed as though he were trying to keep his act together. This whole ordeal was tearing him, and his self-esteem, to pieces. He did not seem to know how he felt or what he wanted. Perhaps losing the duel had knocked all the sense out of his head. He seemed awfully stressed. Maybe he had been holding more emotion in than Juudai had thought.

The European laughed nervously and ran a hand through his teal hair, trying to regain control over himself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so pessimistic about it. It's just…what can you do when the game is evolving so? What can you say to a manager who insists that you use these awful magic cards or drop out of the race? I've been as stubborn as I can be so far and it feels as though I'm not getting anywhere. And you and I both have tried to get these cards banned from official tournaments at least. Ah, but everyone uses them. We're just obsolete as duelists, I guess." Shrugging, Johan paused before adding one more tidbit. "And if it means that I have to quit the Pro Leagues, then I will. I'm not using those damn cards."

Juudai nodded slowly. "I won't either. And I don't blame you for feeling that way. If it's going to be corrupt…" At this point, he could somewhat see what Johan meant. He would not want to stick around if something was wrong. But still…that did not explain the sudden change of heart. Why would Johan express a desire to try to reform it if he really did not feel that way deep inside? All the same, he had to pretend as though he were following Johan's disjointed thoughts.

"I mean...why would they decide to make these cards knowing how powerful and dangerous they are?" Johan asked, frowning slightly, "I understand that they were used in ancient times as a last resort if a monster got out of control, but this is now! Duel spirits don't need to be tethered like that. I can't see why any respectable duelist would want to drain the energy of their monster to the point that it was agonizing, just to activate a miniscule effect. Though, some of those effects are pretty nasty to the opponent. The point is…if it hurts people and creatures alike it should not be used. It's an atrocity! It's cheating!"

"It's almost as bad as Dark Duels," Juudai added, to indicate he was listening and thinking about it, "Or something along those lines."

"I don't believe any sort of evolution should call for something that drastic," Johan sighed, completely disregarding Juudai's statement. It was almost as though he had not even heard him. "And only a handful of respectable duelists are honoring their creatures by refusing to use them. What's with duelists these days?"

"I have no clue." What else could he say? It was just best to let Johan vent.

There was a pause. Juudai watched Johan's expression carefully, trying to figure him out. The other would not meet his gaze directly. Rather, he looked off to the side, frowning in thought. Juudai felt his heart go out for the other. He did understand that Johan was dangling from a thin string, so to speak. His career depended on whether or not he changed with the game. And he was sticking fast to his beliefs. Perhaps they could bring dueling back to its former state if the duelists of the day were not so disgraceful. They did not care nor did they possess the same talent or understanding. Maybe they still could to some degree. But things were going to change one way or the other.

"Juudai."

Juudai quickly turned his attention back to the man in front of him. "Hm?"

Johan clenched his fists and finally looked Juudai in the eyes. "Everything…about dueling…is changing. Even the technology for it. You've heard of it, surely?"

"More or less," Juudai sighed, "I've heard that they're working on new developments but nothing's really even close to being ready. The D-Wheel, right?"

Nodding, Johan shifted a bit. "Yeah…That among other things. I'm just…not sure I could ever duel like that. That's another reason why…It's…Juudai…" He bit his lip.

Realizing that Johan needed encouragement, the brunet stepped forward and slowly put his arms around the other. This time, Johan accepted the embrace and returned it, somewhat clutching his love. Juudai rubbed his back gently, trying to console him. Truth be told, he was very concerned. Johan was not being himself at all. He was somewhat incoherent. Everything that he was bringing up puzzled Juudai. It was hard enough to listen, but it was even harder to comprehend. So many things were going through his mind at once. He supposed that was Johan's problem as well. He just did not know how he should organize what he wanted to say.

"Oh…God…" Johan sighed heavily, then took a few deep breaths, "Oh, my God…" He paused again before revealing a piece of information that took the former Osiris student aback. "Juudai, I have to step down. I have to quit…"

"WHAT?!" Juudai held him at arms' length to look him in the eyes. Johan seemed ashamed; he would not meet the others' gaze. "Why?! I don't understand… You don't have to give up! Don't give up! You said just a second ago you wouldn't!! What are you doing?!" It sounded a lot harsher than he had intended it to.

"Because they won't let me go on," Johan explained, forcing his eyes to meet Juudai's, "My manager told me that this…was my last chance to redeem myself. He told me this was my last chance to prove that dueling the old way was still the best way. If I lost this duel…I lost…everything. And I lost. Why do you think I was so upset? Why do you think that for the past few days I have been ignoring your calls and e-mails? Because I've been preparing for this duel! I've been pep talking myself and discussing with my family what I should do. We came to a decision and we went through with it. But we failed. I tried with all my might to get around this. I talked to everyone I could about keeping me in the program. But they wouldn't listen. _It's not my fault._"

A beat.

"I'm sorry…" Juudai felt almost speechless; he was shocked. He took a moment to collect his thoughts before he finally asked, "Why didn't you tell me? Why? I could've helped you. Really, I don't understand…"

"I wanted to do this on my own," Johan admitted sheepishly, though this was not a valid reason in Juudai's mind, "And there was nothing you could've done anyway. I _asked_ if you or our friends could do something. But no…they just wouldn't budge. I even took this issue to the top with Kaiba and Pegasus!"

"And it didn't work?!" Juudai looked truly mortified. By this point, he was beginning to doubt if he even believed Johan. He wondered if he was just not explaining himself enough or if he was delusional.

Johan shook his head slowly. "Not much has come of it yet. They did say they would look into it and try. They are doing everything they can. I know Pegasus greatly respects me and wants to help me out. He will undoubtedly allow me to participate in tournaments he directly sponsors. I also know he does not want to harm his creatures. It's just that sometimes he makes cards that are harmful. Most of those are locked away but these…he did not know they would cause this much harm because it was not understood how they worked. The problem does not only lie in the magic cards or in Pegasus' company. It lies within…the duelists themselves. It's their darkness that is unleashing all this chaos. That's why it hurts some more than others."

Juudai nodded. "I see…" Well, at least…he sort of understood it.

"And since it's up to the duelist and not the card itself…it can't be banned. Not to mention it's so widespread. Some say it's good for competition and for strengthening oneself. I say it makes one weaker in his connection with his cards." Johan shook his head. "I just don't understand…why most people can't see that. Although, Pegasus did agree with me on that much. But he won't ban the cards or stop production. There are duelists that utilize them properly and use them for good. But those are too few…I suppose that we need some in case someone who's power hungry decides to really abuse them…"

"That's true," Juudai agreed, "But I still don't see why you can't work something out and continue your career." They might as well get back to the biggest problem at hand before Johan went off on another senseless tangent. Juudai was not going to let him wave it off that easily.

"There's still the technology thing, Juudai." Johan pointed out dryly, as though that were a good enough reason, "And I want no part of such a corrupt system, anyway. I'm just upset because it had to turn out like this and I couldn't do anything about it."

"Well, can't you adapt to the technology?" Juudai asked matter-of-factly, growing a little exasperated, "And are you sure we can't do anything to reform the game?" Honestly, why did the tables have to turn like this? First, Johan questioned Juudai about his decisions to stay out of Europe's affairs. Yet…he also expected Juudai to keep out of his affairs? And when Juudai tried to convince him that there was no reason to quit the Pro Leagues, he kept making excuses. What was going on?

"Well, even though we were scoffed and blown off…I guess we could keep trying. I am determined to try to save dueling. As for the technology…my Gem Beasts…I don't know if they will adapt to it." He smiled sadly. "I won't part with them. And I won't put them through such a stressful duel. I don't think they want it that way. And from what I've heard…the cards are going to change too."

Juudai sucked in his breath sharply and let it out slowly. This was going to be more difficult than he had thought. Johan really was losing it. He was so upset, he could hardly think straight. His reasoning was completely off, and he kept going back and forth with his decisions. One moment, he was resolute. The next, he was convinced he could not do it. Then he decided he would try. He was second-guessing himself. There had to be _some_ way to snap him back to normal.

Juudai tilted his head a bit to one side, his expression blank. He'd had enough. He could not be sympathetic if Johan was going to behave so unlike himself. "And since when have you ever thought like that? Snap out of it. You don't want to quit. You said so before. I don't understand your train of thought right now. You're not making much sense going back and forth. It's just a spur of the moment thing. If you quit, it'd be the stupidest thing you could do. You'd be giving up on your dream and on everyone, including your family. How could you think like that? How could you do that? Honestly, I don't see how that would help anyone. You're really not being yourself today. You want to give up? The Johan I know would never have even considered that as a possibility. So don't argue with me like that. Stop being so fickle."

Seemingly stunned, Johan opened and closed his mouth for a moment, as though seeking an answer. Finally, he shook his head wearily. "You're right. I really am losing my mind over this. I'm sorry. I guess it's just because I'm so frustrated and tired. I've just tried so hard and even thought I really do want to persevere like I said, it changes on a moment to moment basis because—"

"I know, I know," Juudai interrupted before Johan could change his mind again, "You're just confused. You don't want me to give up and you don't want to give up, but when you think of what's going on, it just makes you feel hopeless. It's just a natural human reaction to feel that way. But I know that doesn't mean you will resign. And you're not going to, are you?" He seemed a little anxious and a little upset. He _hoped_ this was the case.

"No, I guess not," Johan replied, looking down, "I guess it was just something that I said but would never actually do. You're right. Thanks." He forced a smile.

"There, that's better," Juudai encouraged him, smiling back, "I know you can do it. Don't worry; I got your back. So don't think that you're going to have to hold up my sanity and your own." He really hoped that this had hit home. He could not let Johan get too much out of line.

Johan's smile relaxed into a more natural one. He tightened his grip around the brunet and squeezed. This made Juudai feel better too. Relieved, he brought Johan closer, and pressed him against his heart. The two stood in the middle of the hall holding each other for a long time. Not a word was exchanged between them for awhile. Juudai only rubbed Johan's back and tried to assure him through his actions. Already it was working. Johan seemed to be feeling better, though Juudai remained wary. Maybe that was all he needed. He really should not have pushed Juudai away for so long.

Johan finally broke the silence with a little laugh. "I should have called you days ago so you would've talked me out of this negative spiral."

"Well, it's Ok," Juudai told him, "You learned from this. Right?"

Nodding, Johan laid his cheek on Juudai's shoulder. "I'll be sure to talk to you next time. Or, at least, when I can." His mood dropped almost immediately upon saying this. It was as though he had remembered something.

"What's wrong?" Juudai cupped Johan's face in his hands, forcing the other to look at him. The familiar concern rose from the pit of his stomach. He did _not_ want Johan changing his mind again. He could not let him get upset again.

"I can't talk about it."

"Why not? I thought you said—"

"I said when I was able to talk about it. Now I can't." His expression became much more serious, though the underlying anxiety was apparent in his eyes. "Look, I appreciate everything you've done for me but…I have to go."

Before Juudai could say another word, Johan turned around and started to slip back into his room. He stopped before he closed the door, and sent a saddened glance in Juudai's direction. "I'll call you later when I get back to Denmark. But for now, I have to pack."

"Wait, don't you want any—"

"I can do it myself, thank you." And with that, Johan softly shut the door, leaving Juudai baffled, standing alone in the hall.

"What…the hell…?"

It took Juudai a moment to recover from this sudden unexplained action. He shook off the shock and the numbness, and jammed his hands in his pockets as he walked slowly towards the exit. As reluctant as he was to leave Johan, he had just been pushed away again. He was beginning to think that Johan did not want to but felt like he had to. At least, that was the impression he got from the way he had been acting. Frustrated, he slammed his fist into the wall. No, it did not make him feel any better. Nothing would until he found out what was really going on. He would let Johan have his little secret for the time being, but he did not intend on them continuing this maddening cycle. Johan would have to tell him one day. He would _not_ let him continue in this manner, purposely avoiding him and hurting himself. And he most certainly was going to get to the bottom of Johan's indecisiveness. The other man was constantly changing his mind; he was both confused and confusing. Even so, Juudai was determined to help Johan if it was the last thing he did. Question was…Was it already too late?

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**A/N: Bleh shortness. I HATE this chapter so much. Haha. Dialogue heavy. But this chapter called for that, amirite? Yeah…it was confusing. Hated that. Haha. That was the point. I had to set stuff up and make some explanations while showing Johan's messed up state of mind. To be honest, I did lose myself in it too. But…I hope that you did glean something from it all the same. And, oh, man…so much complexity coming up. My outline is enough to burst my brain. I feel almost as though I did not explain it well enough. And Johan…why is he acting the way he is? Ohhh you'll see why. And hopefully then you'll understand. Hopefully it's not OOC for the given situation…DX You will find out next chapter. : ) HAHAHA MAKE YOU WAIT.**


	4. Chapter 4: Scars

**A/N: I really really hope that this is NOT boring…things are heating up in this chapter…though I do have a warning of sorts. There will be violence and abuse. And it might make a few of you squirm because of the who-what-when-where-why-how factor. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own GX. And a big SANKYUU to Chaotic Blades and 2True for looking over this and advising me. Srsly, you do NOT want to see what I woulda done if they hadn't told me otherwise. XD  
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Chapter 4: Scars

Juudai stared out the window at the falling rain. It was such a dreary day. It fit his mood, he thought. In fact, since his last face-to-face encounter with Johan, the weather seemed to have taken a turn for the worse. It was as though the very heavens felt his depression. Sighing heavily, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and flipped it open, hoping with all his heart that he would have even one new message. He had not heard much from Johan for the few months that had elapsed, though, as of recent, it had become much worse. Johan had seemed so much more distant, so aloof. Truth be told, Juudai was beginning to wonder if Johan wanted to even keep in touch with him anymore. He always seemed upset or nervous when they talked, and never could talk for long. He never told Juudai what was wrong, either. No amount of consolation or assuring would bring it out of him.

Stirring his coffee absentmindedly, he wondered if Johan was all right. He had not heard from him for about a week. Or maybe it was longer. He was not sure anymore. Time seemed to melt together and drag on without Johan around. A heavy cloud seemed to be constantly hanging above him, and there was no way of getting rid of it. Part of him was drowning in anxiety, alerting that something was very wrong. On contrast, the other half of him told him it was fine. He tried to listen to his more "rational" half, but it was truly growing unbearable. He was on the verge of deciding to go to Denmark, and to Johan's house.

Standing, he dropped a tip for the waitress on the table, and headed for the door to pay and leave. He decided he would give Johan _one_ more day. If he did not hear from the other in that time, then he would go check on him. He had connections. He could get to Denmark by the next night easily. Little did he know how wrong he was…

* * *

The room was dark and cold. In the distance was the sound of dripping water; at first it gave the impression that he was in a dungeon or a cave, but then he remembered it was only the leaky faucet. Grimacing, he shifted uncomfortably, only to have fiery hot pain shoot through his aching joints. It hurt every fiber of his being. And he was still cursing himself for being caught so easily. Just let his guard down for one minute…How was he to know his comrade was actually working against him? But he should have known, he scolded himself.

"Damn." The word echoed in the empty prison cell. Johan banged his fist against the wall, the chain binding his wrist clinking. He felt so stupid, so _useless_. He was no good for his country at all. He had failed them…

Hearing the outer door creaking as it opened, Johan tensed. He sent the newcomer an icy, defiant glare, as the other came closer, jingling a set of keys. His captor stepped up to the bars, and grabbed them, smirking and gazing upon Johan with cool blue eyes that spoke volumes of his indifference.

"It's about time for your daily interrogation. Will you speak today? Or shall you unkindly hold your tongue and be beaten again?" The man queried cruelly in Danish.

Johan refused to answer. He did not so much as even look at him. Instead, he fixed his stare on the wall in front of him, much rather wanting to look at that.

The man's expression morphed. His face hardened, his eyes all the colder. "Fine. Have it your way."

He unlocked the door and stepped slowly inside, his boots clunking against the floor and echoing. He stepped up to Johan and looked him in the eyes. Johan looked away, trying to remain dignified though he was terribly shamed. Seizing him by the chin, his captor forced him to make eye contact, his fingers digging painfully into the fragile skin.

"But," he whispered through his teeth, "you will sorely regret it." He slapped Johan's face away. The Gem Beast duelist let his neck go limp, his head lolling to the side from the impact. The man gave a short, unpleasant laugh at the sight of the red mark on his face.

Without another word, his captor unlocked the shackles from the wall. Before Johan could get a chance to run or fight, the man grabbed the ends of the chains and led him out into the hallway, kicking him to force him along.

"Not so high and mighty now, are you, rebel?" He sneered, jerking on the chains and nearly causing Johan to fall down. Then, as an added humiliation and pain, he swung the chains up in the air and slung them around Johan's throat, stopping suddenly to tug at them. "Go ahead. Cry for your people. Cry for Denmark. It all belongs to us now."

In response, Johan let out a small, strained choking noise. The chains dug into his neck, cutting off his airway as his captor pulled harder and harder, depriving him of air. The seconds ticked by dreadfully slow, until he saw purple spots in front of him and realized he was being asphyxiated. Unable to help it, he dropped to his knees, trembling vigorously and panting. He tried to claw at the chains around his throat, but the man stamped his foot on the chains connected to his wrists, holding his arms back.

"There's no need for that," He laughed harshly, "It's all of no use. Though, you should take comfort in knowing that I won't let you die. Yet. This is only a taste of what will come if you don't cooperate. Understand?"

Desperate for oxygen, Johan wearily nodded his head to the best of his ability. He felt dizzy. Any moment he could pass out.

Luckily for him, the chains went lax, and he was permitted the privilege of breathing again. Gulping air, he tried to recover so he could think clearly. He knew that part of the reason that this choking was done was so he would be more likely to tell. If his brain was deprived of oxygen, then he would not be able to make proper decisions. He would be more likely to talk. But he was not going to fall victim to that. He _had_ to keep his mouth shut at all costs. The lives of his friends, family, and comrades were in his hands.

He was not allowed to catch his breath for long, though. Soon, he found he was being jerked to his feet, and forced towards the door at the end of the hall again. He felt as though he were a convict on death row. It was almost that way, it seemed. After all, he was a prisoner of political war. Anything could happen then, even if it was unethical. Ethics did not carry any precedence in war.

He stumbled over his feet as he was kicked again, only to be sharply yanked upwards by the chain. Coughing and sputtering, he fell against the metal door. The man smirked and shoved it open, causing Johan to fall across the threshold. Or, at least, he would have had the chain around his neck not been jerked up again. It hurt so badly he nearly passed out. In all honesty, he was surprised his neck had not been snapped from it. But that did not matter at the time. The only thing that mattered was keeping his mouth shut. Even survival took a back burner. He would gladly die to serve his country. If only…if only he could get the chance to tell his beloved goodbye. But he could not have that luxury. Not that he was going to let himself die if he could help it. But if he did, Juudai would just have to know about it through their connection. He figured that the brunet already knew he was in trouble. No, he _knew_ that Juudai was aware of it.

Before he had a chance to think anymore, he was being shoved into a hard chair, the chains being wrapped several times around it before being fastened by padlocks. There were a couple of people around the room. There were always the same people, the same faces, the same uncaring expressions. But the one thing that did change was the amount of torment that was dealt to him every day. And Johan knew that this day was going to be worse. He automatically tensed, ready for the onslaught to begin.

"So, Johan Andersen," A man in a trench coat stepped forward slowly, whip in hand. As he talked, he slapped the butt of the whip in the palm of his hand, as though to remind Johan what his punishment for silence would be. "Are you going to tell us where the rebel base is? Or are you going to risk death? You've been eluding it lately. You just won't die."

Johan dared to keep his mouth shut. It was better to remain silent. If he said anything at all, he was most likely to get caught up in the heat of the moment and spill a bit of information. Anything he said could be used against him.

The whip-bearer leaned forward in his face, placing one hand on either armrest of the chair. The wood creaked in protest as he put all of his weight on it. His eyes searched Johan's for a moment, his jaw clenched. "Is this how it's going to be, Mr. Andersen? I suggest you talk now, or suffer the consequences. This is your last warning."

Once again, Johan kept his mouth shut. He only kept staring straight ahead in proud defiance. Nothing would get the information out of him.

For a moment, there was nothing but tense silence as everyone in the room stared at him expectedly. Nothing was said. No one moved. It was as though they were statues frozen in time. Johan dared not look at them. He knew that if he locked eyes with them, it would all be over. That would be incentive enough to crack the whip over his head. But, alas, averting his eyes had the same wretched effect.

There was the sound of angry hissing in the air, and the next second, fiery pain shot from the middle of his spine outwards, to all the branches of nerves. He set his jaw in order to refrain from screaming out in agony. The room seemed to spin around and tilt on one side. Everything grew a little darker.

"How about now, Mr. Andersen? Had enough already? You've been enduring this torment for a week now. When will you crack? Or will you be sent to your grave first?"

Another crack. The whip licked his cheek, leaving behind an angry red welt. It drew crimson from beyond the fragile surface in a small stream that dribbled down to his chin and stained his snowy white shirt. It was such horribly familiar pain. He felt the bile rising in his throat as he held back the urge to vomit. His stomach clenched in protest, lurching forward. But he swallowed it back, hard. He would hold fast to his dignity. Even though he was in agony, having been worn down and weakened, he kept his shoulders squared, and sat up high and proud.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk today? If you do, you'll be given some decent food. Wouldn't that be nice, eh?" The man coiled the whip, and held it fast in his hand, looking at it as though inspecting it.

No response. Johan would _not_ cooperate. Not ever. Nothing they could do to him would make him talk.

"Well…in that case…You've had enough chances. It's time to pay."

Johan wanted to beg. He wanted to scream that he would tell them, just so long as they did not whip him again. But he did not. He kept sitting still, not letting himself so much as flinch. He would _not_ let them see his weakness. He would not let them see that he was breaking inside. Really, he was ashamed of himself. How could his resolveleave so quickly? All the same, his punishment was not withheld. Within the next second, another lash was dealt to his broken body. He writhed inwardly as it stung down to the core. This time, he could not control the involuntary twitching.

And the worst part was…he knew this was only the beginning.

"Now you're upset," The man laughed softly, "But the difference is, there's nothing you can do at this point but endure it. It's your fault for choosing sides. You should have just been the mindless little citizen you were taught to be."

It was all Johan could do to hold his tongue at this. He bit down on the disobedient organ as a thousand snide retorts ran through his mind. They were soon forgotten, though, as the whip was brought violently down on his spine. His back arched in response to it, his head tilted back. Behind his tightly shut eyelids, he felt the hot tears welling. Even gritting his teeth could not hold them back. The dam was breaking a lot easier, it seemed.

A moment later, he felt the warm fluid leaving his body. Apparently, some of the old wounds had been reopened, and were bleeding profusely. He cringed as it trickled down his back at an alarming rate, pooling in the seat of the chair. Really, it felt and looked like a lot more than it was. Yet, even with this knowledge, just peering through half-shut eyes at it made Johan want to burst into tears. He was so tired of looking at his own blood. He was so tired of watching himself being torn open and exposed to the world. He felt naked for the first time in his life. And there was no stopping it. He was not in control of this. This pain…was new to him. True, he had been living in hell for months, then, unable to tell a soul about it. He felt so isolated, like he was on a desert island, left to die. No one was capable of saving him.

A scream was caught in his throat and pushed down along with the bile. His entire being quaked with effort; he was barely able to handle it. The lash bit him again and again and again…It was monotonous. Every time, he was hit a little bit harder, bringing him closer and closer to his limit. He jolted with every blow, words of retaliation choked down by sheer determination. His breaths grew shallower, more ragged; it was more painful with each sharp intake. Gasping as another particularly harsh blow was dealt to him, Johan felt as though he could breathe no longer. He felt a terrible tightness in his chest, indicating that hyperventilation was about to set in. Feeling himself blacking out as purple dots clouded his vision, he tried desperately to control himself. But at this point, the man was no longer holding back. He was whipping with all his might, and quickly too. Crack after crack after horrible crack. Johan's self control broke. He could hold it in no longer, the name that was catching in his throat, the name that he clung to in order to stay strong. It left him, just as he felt that the person had abandoned him, though it was really the other way around.

"Juudai!"

The moment the word had escaped his lips, he knew it was all over. He crumbled. The tears flowed freely down his cheeks, and he felt shame no more. He felt nothing but the most primal of instincts, and the need to escape. He was aware of nothing but the hot pain from the whip, the cracking, and the gasps that left his lips as he screamed the name of the one he loved.

"Juudai! Juudai! Juudai!" He cried with each sting of the whip. It was all he had to hold onto, to preserve his very sanity.

He gripped the chains in his fists, digging his nails into them, breaking them and bending them so they drew blood. Wild thrashing was the next step, as his body convulsed in response to the agony. He jolted every which way, his head snapped back and forth as he screamed and tried to wriggle free of his bonds. He heard the faint laughter and mocking of those surrounding him, and felt some deep forlorn sorrow bubbling up inside of him and washing over him. He almost even felt hopeless. In fact, he was rather reverting, it seemed. His need for comfort was great; he would have sought it from anyone that was willing to give it. He felt almost as a small child might…so helpless…so weak…so frail. But the need…the need for a _lover's_ touch took precedence over everything. He _needed_ Juudai with every fiber of his being. Juudai was the only one that could help him to the fullest, to heal him. But there was no way he would ever see the brunet again. If only he could get the chance to talk to him just one more time, to hear his soothing voice just once more…

Another scream of Juudai's name ripped from his throat, shaking him back to his senses. His tormentors seemed to be having great fun with this display. He noticed that they were all laughing and sending threatening gestures. The whip continued to reign upon him for awhile, and Johan failed to take notice of anything else in that time. That was, until another man stepped forward bearing a whip as well.

"Ok, we've had enough of this," He grumbled, cracking his whip, "We're going to get this answer out of you and now."

For one brief wonderful moment, there was no pain and there was no sound. He only panted and leaned back in the seat, his head dropping from one side to the next, barely conscious. The whipping temporarily ceased, but he knew that it would not be for long. He knew that the next time the whip was cracked, it would be much worse. It would be not one, but two of them. He was certain that day would be his death.

Both whips were raised and brought down simultaneously on his heated skin. He cried out in pain, screaming Juudai's name over and over as the red-hot agony coursed through his veins. Tears streamed down his cheeks, mingling with the blood and stinging his wounds. Unable to help it, he watched in horror as the very blood from his broken body splattered onto the whitewashed walls behind and to the side of him. And the occupants of the room seemed very pleased.

"He's not going to tell us anything, so just kill him!" Someone shouted.

"Yes, kill him! Kill him!" Another encouraged.

"This will show the rebels! We'll torture him and mutilate him beyond recognition, then string him up in the capital!"

To be hated…it was the most unpleasant feeling in the world. The shame…the resentment…the humiliation…it was almost too much. But worst than the hatred was…the indifference. The crimes against humanity. It was almost too hard to believe that these same people that were tormenting him so cruelly and laughing at his pains also had families at home. Children. Wives. Loved ones. How could they go to sleep at night knowing that they had not only injured him, but those connected with him as well as their own families? How could they do this knowing that he was just like them under the surface?

As the tears threatened to fall again, he heard the faint, but familiar, call of his beloved duel monster spirit, Ruby. He peered through glazed over emerald eyes at the little creature crawling up to his lap, and rubbing against his hand as though to encourage him to keep fighting. Even though he was in more pain than he had ever been in his life, he smiled. His family had not abandoned him this whole time. They had been there with him through the most difficult of situations, and they would not leave him yet. He just did not know why it had taken Ruby so long this time to come to his aid. As he sat there, he noticed the forms of his other Gem Beasts began to materialize, all urging him to hold on. He knew then he could hang on. He did not know why they had been gone before, why it had seemed as though they would not come back, but he was grateful they were there then. Perhaps it was just that they had been feeling anxious and trying to think of a way to get him out of this mess. And as Ruby hopped on his shoulder, unnoticed by those around her, Johan felt a tiny bit of comfort washing over him. His creatures still cared about him very much. All the same, he knew that his days were numbered. Already, it seemed as though he would not live to see the next day.

He turned his attention away from Ruby when his captors strangely stopped whipping him. They talked amongst themselves for a few minutes, then turned back towards Johan. The leader stepped forward and grabbed Johan's head, snapping it up and forcing him to look into his steely gray eyes. Johan looked down. He could keep himself from having to see, but he could not prevent the words that came out of the other's mouth.

"Now, listen, you have been of little use to us. It's obvious no matter what we put you through, you're not going to tell us anything. We can't waste much more time on a hardheaded fool like you. So, let's make this a little more real, shall we? You have twenty-four hours to change your mind and come clean. If you do not tell us what we want to know within that time frame, then you shall be killed. Understand?"

Johan refused to respond. He did not show any emotion. But deep inside, he was being torn to shreds. He was scared; who wouldn't be? Part of him wanted to cry at the thought. He did not want to die. But it did not look as though he had much of a choice. At least…he was doing the right thing.

Ruby rubbed against his cheek, as though to console him. He glanced over at the little duel spirit, whose ears were drooping in sadness. At that point, he really felt like he could cry all over again. Just seeing how upset she was…he just wished he could hold her and let it all out. But, no, he had no choice. He had to remain strong on the outside. At least to make up for the vulnerability he had displayed earlier.

The leader leaned closer in his face, searching for any weakness. Finally, he smirked cruelly, and offered, "You may make one last phone call to a loved one before you are put back in your cell for the night. This will be your last chance to talk to someone familiar, so make a good choice." Looking satisfied, he stepped back, and gestured for the others to unbind Johan from his chair.

As he shakily stood, it became clear in his mind what he had to do. There was no doubt who he had to contact. There was no doubt who he was going to call. Finally, he had hope, and a plan. Although he was almost fainting and he was dripping in blood, he gathered the strength to move towards the door. Survival. Although he was surprised at the offer, if he really did get the chance, he was not going to turn it down.

* * *

It was late afternoon. Juudai sighed heavily as he leaned over the stove, frying himself up some eggs. He was feeling a little down, and a little lonely. Hane Kuriboh floated nearby, watching him intently with a worried gaze. The duel spirit sensed something was wrong, just as Juudai did. Even Yubel had made mention of it earlier in the day. At the moment, neither of them was speaking simply because Juudai just wanted to be left alone to think about his plans. But he could feel her presence, and knew she was just as worried as he was.

Presently, the phone rang, causing him to jump a little. He looked in dismay at the egg yolk that had dropped onto the countertop. Sighing, he wiped it up with a dishrag before picking the nearby phone up off its hook and answering it.

"Hello?"

There was a long pause, causing Juudai to wonder if it was a telemarketer. Frowning, he waited, and was answered by silence.

Just as he was about to hang up, he heard the person on the other end swallow hard, and what sounded like a muffled sob. "Juudai…"

His heart skipped a beat. He heard absolute _agony_ in that voice. That voice he adored so much… "Johan…What's wrong?" He leaned against the counter, gripping it hard, his hand shaking.

"I…" Johan paused, as though uncertain of himself. He seemed to be at a complete loss for words. "I need you…I need you more than you could imagine. I've really done it this time."

"What happened? What's wrong?" Juudai repeated, his heart practically jumping out of his chest. He licked his lips nervously.

A long, heavy sigh. "Juudai…" Johan seemed to be struggling to keep himself composed. Juudai knew he was in tears just by the strained sound of his voice. "Please help me. I…don't care…how you get over here…just do…please."

"Ok, I'm coming. Just tell me where you are." Juudai agreed, pulling his apron over his head and dropping it on the countertop.

"Well…uh…I'm in Denmark…of course…the borders are kind of closed…"

"Closed?" Juudai scowled, "Well, I'll get in somehow. I can promise you. Tell me again where you are."

"I don't know," Johan whispered, his voice shaking, "I really don't know. I just know…that I'm stuck…I'm sort of a prisoner…"

"A prisoner?!" Juudai almost started freaking out just at this piece of information. "Then how are you telling me these things?"

"They let me make a phone call," Johan explained, "And they don't know Japanese. Oh, and one more thing…"

"What more could there be?" Juudai groaned.

"…Twenty-four hours from now…" Johan broke off, almost unable to continue. He took a few deep breaths, then went on, his voice wavering, "…I'll…be dead."

"WHAT?!" Juudai dropped the frying pan he was holding, letting it clatter to the floor. He could have sworn that his heart really did stop at hearing this. It was only moments later that he began to breathe again, and that he fully realized what he had to do. "Johan…No…Please tell me you're kidding…Please don't…I can't…What the hell…" He was just incapable of coherent speech.

"Please hurry," Johan whispered, swallowing hard, "Please. I know you will be able to find me. You'll know where I am. You can sense my presence; I know you can. Please help me out. I know you can do it. If anyone you can. I'm just…so…over my head. I thought I could handle it but I was so wrong. You'll know the whole story if you just please come get me. Please. I'm begging you." He was beginning to get frantic.

Juudai nodded although Johan could not see. "Don't worry. Shush. I'll come get you." He was trying to sound confident, as though he had everything under control, in order to calm Johan down. But deep inside, he was not so sure of himself.

"Ok, but just in case you don't make it," Johan's voice sounded more panicked, and it was obvious he was losing control. He sounded as though he were fighting to keep from sobbing into the phone. "I love you…I love you so much…More than anything else in the world. And I want you to at least be able to be proud of me for dying instead of ashamed of me for doing something to save my own life. So please…promise me you won't get too torn up if I do die. Please promise me you'll think good of me, and that you'll move on. Please. I love you. I don't want to hurt you. Ever. And I'm so sorry I was cold to you. But you will know why…one way or the other. Just know that I do love you. I really do."

"Johan, you're not going to die. Trust me. I'm going to come get you," Juudai assured him, hurrying into the other room to gather a few things as he held the phone with his shoulder, "And I love you too, Ok? That's why I'm going to forget about our little troubles and put those behind us, Ok? Everything's all right, everything will be all right, and you're going to live. You're not going to die. I'm going to come help you. Ok?" He rushed about the room, grabbing things off shelves and cramming them into his suitcase.

"Ok," Johan sighed heavily, "Just please hurry."

"I am, I am. Don't worry. I'll find you in a snap. I just am going to have to call Manjoume to bust me through the border. He has connections. He can help me get to you, Ok?" Juudai threw the suitcase down the stairs.

"Ok," Johan paused, as there were angry voices in the background. Then, he said, "I have to go. I'm sorry. Please hurry. I love you."

Juudai felt sick in the pit of his stomach. Part of him was really worried that this was the last time he would ever talk to Johan. "Ok, take care of yourself, now. I love you, too. Hang in there."

"Bye." Johan hung up before Juudai had a chance to answer him.

Letting the phone slip from his hand and hit the floor, Juudai leaned against the wall, holding his forehead in his hands. He sunk down to the floor, shaking all over, trying to compose himself. "Oh my God…"

After a moment of rethinking the situation and putting together a new plan of what he was going to do, he took a deep breath, picked up the phone and dialed Manjoume's number. He was not going to let Johan die. He was determined. There was no way that he was letting Dark World ever happen again. And once this fiasco was over, he was never going to let Johan out of his sight again. At that point, more than ever, he was determined to get Johan to marry him. The closer they were, the safer Johan was. And that was all that mattered to him.

* * *

"You mean to tell me…You made me go through all that shit to rescue Johan just to tell me you don't know where the hell he is?!" Manjoume stared at Juudai in both disbelief and disgust. "You really are desperate, aren't you?"

Juudai frowned and shifted in his seat. He refused to answer Manjoume, only propped his chin in his hand and stared out the window of Manjoume's private jet.

"Are you even _thinking_ about what you're doing?" Manjoume snapped, "Don't you _know_ there's a huge war going on right now and in about five minutes we're going to land right smack in the MIDDLE of it? And why the hell did you ask me to fly you out HERE instead of the capital? It's so dangerous! Don't you even know what—"

"He's here, Manjoume," Juudai finally replied, folding his hands in front of his mouth, deep in thought, "I can feel him."

Taking a deep breath, Manjoume sat back in his seat. "I don't know how you do it…"

Juudai was silent. He buckled his seat belt as they began to land, and sighed heavily. Closing his eyes, he concentrated. Yes, Johan was nearby. He could feel that he was in pain and scared. Sighing again to calm his own nerves, he reached over in the seat next to his and grasped his duel disk, his hand shaking. It was time. It was time to go in and save Johan. He knew it would not be easy.

As soon as the plane came to a stop, Juudai leapt out of his seat. "Let's go, Manjoume!"

"Right." Manjoume jumped up as well, and followed Juudai off the plane.

Juudai broke into a run once his feet hit the pavement. It was difficult for Manjoume to keep up with him because he was fueled by pure adrenaline. The more that Juudai thought about what might be happening to Johan at the moment, the worse he felt. He charged right towards the guards at the front gate, not caring that they did have guns. In fact, that was the last thing on his mind. Adrenaline surged faster through him as soon as he saw them aiming at him, causing him to run faster. They would have shot him, had Manjoume not had a gun as well. And he shot first. Juudai hardly knew what had happened. All he knew was that they were not a threat anymore, and that he was out of danger for the moment. He ran past the gate, leaving Manjoume behind to pick up the keys.

He stopped when he came to a building. Looking both ways and seeing no one around, he tried to open the door. It was locked. Cursing, he started to pull a card out of his holster to conjure a duel monster to break it down for him. However, at that moment, Manjoume came up, swinging a set of keys around his finger and smirking.

"Looking for these?"

Juudai smiled weakly. "Thanks." He took the keys and unlocked the door. At least they had gotten in quietly. But it was only the beginning. The hard part was right ahead of them…

* * *

"Juudai, it's four in the morning," Manjoume whispered as they went around the building for the fifteenth time, "We'd better find him soon or risk never finding him."

Nodding, Juudai crouched down by a wall and frowned. He placed his ear against it and listened. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "Johan's nearby!" He hissed, "We have to get on the other side of this wall!"

They inspected the wall for a moment, unable to find an entrance. At first. That was when Juudai spotted what looked like a small crack in the plaster. Upon further inspection, he saw that it was too straight and uniform to be a crack. There was a door there, disguised to look like part of the wall. Quickly, he waved Manjoume over. The two glanced at each other, then leaned against the door, trying to force it open. A few more thrusts and it budged enough for them to slip by.

Once his eyes adjusted to the dim light, Juudai found that they were in some sort of a prison chamber. There were cells on each side of the wall. Most of them were empty. In fact, all of them seemed empty. Slowly, Juudai stepped out into the corridor, and looked around. It was so dark that at first he did not see him. It was only when he heard the clinking of chains that he was directed towards the right cell, and saw Johan.

His heart caught in his throat, and thankfully, so did his words. He managed to swallow them back and keep quiet, as he heard muffled voices from another nearby room. Quietly, carefully, he snuck over to the cell. Manjoume followed him, snagging the keys he found on the wall.

Wordlessly, Juudai took the keys and unlocked the door as quietly as possible. Johan lifted his head slightly at the soft noise, and bit back a gasp. Lifting a finger to his lips, Juudai motioned for Johan to be quiet. The other nodded, watching as Juudai slipped into the cell, bringing the keys with him. Manjoume stood outside, keeping watch. Looking into Johan's eyes momentarily, Juudai felt a wave of remorse wash over him. How could he have let Johan get into such a mess? Why had he been unable to help him? Why…had he not done anything about his initial gut feeling? Guilt filled his entire being. He took Johan's cheek in his palm and fondled it, though he recoiled when the other winced in pain.

"Johan…" He whispered, gently touching the other's hair.

Looking up with forlorn emerald eyes, Johan smiled weakly. "Juudai…you didn't…forget me." His voice sounded tired, strained. It took a lot of effort to speak. And even though it was quiet, Juudai could still tell that he sounded breathless.

"Of course I didn't." Juudai replied, turning his attention back to the task at hand, and unlocking Johan from his bonds.

Immediately, Johan fell from the wall and into Juudai's open arms. He had to bite back a scream when he felt the sudden pressure on his wounds. Thankfully, he managed to muffle it into silence. He tried to stand, but his legs buckled under his weight. He was too weak and tired to even so much as hold himself up. And with good reason too. He had been through a lot.

Having little time to wait for the other to compose himself, Juudai scooped him up in his arms and carried him bridal style out of the cell. Manjoume quickly closed the door and locked it again, before placing the keys back on the nail he had found them on. They had nearly gotten back to the door when the lights above flickered on, and there were angry voices. A group of people surrounded the three of them, suddenly, and they were all armed.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" The leader of Johan's captors stepped forward, his eyes icy and his mouth drawn in a taunt line. "Oh, I didn't expect you to do this, Mr. Andersen. How could you call for help like that?" His words, of course, were sarcastic.

Johan looked away, tightening his grip around Juudai's neck. Just seeing that man again sent a shiver down his spine. Despite himself, he began to tremble in fear.

"Did you really think we wouldn't be expecting this at all?" The leader continued, his tone still even and calm as he approached them slowly, "Did you really think that we would let you make such a phone call with no strings attached? No, we were waiting to see if you would call your rebel headquarters to come get you out of trouble. Is that where these two are from?"

Still, Johan refused to answer. He would not look at the man.

Juudai felt anger boiling inside of him. Not because he knew what the man was saying. Even though Johan had taught him small phrases in Danish, he still had a lot to learn, and did not really know what was going on. All he knew was that these people were scaring Johan, and they had hurt him. He could tell by the look of pure terror in the other's deep green eyes. Instinctively, he held the Gem Beast duelist closer, trying to protect him from more harm.

"Johan," He whispered, "What's going on?"

A beat. Johan slowly lifted his eyes to Juudai's, looking defeated. "I cannot say at the moment."

"Are you going to keep playing the silent game with us, Mr. Andersen?" The man continued, stopping within a few feet of them, "Because if you do, then…" He paused a moment, clenching his jaw, his features hardening in anger. "Then we have no choice!" He finally finished his thought, only it was screamed.

Johan jumped at the sudden outburst. He could not help but glance up, and when he did, he found himself staring down the barrel of a pistol. His mouth went dry, his eyes widening in shock.

"You're going to die, you pathetic rebel bastard." The man seethed through his teeth, his hand shaking as he placed his finger on the trigger, "And you'll be so sorry you betrayed us all."

Even though Johan had frozen up, it did not mean that he was done for. This threatening display was too much for Juudai. For a moment, he could do nothing but stare in shock at the man. Memories of Dark World came flashing back to him in a rush, overwhelming his senses. The adrenaline rushed again, choler and excitement and fear all mixing together in his blood. It hit him so hard that he barely had time to think.

"Just die…" The man started to pull the trigger.

"JUUDAI!" Johan screamed, grabbing onto his neck and clinging for dear life.

Everything seemed to have happened at once, but it was still going in slow motion for Juudai by the time that he snapped. What happened next took them all by surprise. It seemed as though Juudai defied time itself. His eyes morphed quickly from the gentle brown they were to the harsh, cold amber of Haou's eyes. He held onto Johan with one arm and reached out with the other. Before the shot could be fired, Juudai had wrested the gun from the other man so violently, it caused him to grasp his wrist, writhing in pain.

"I won't let this happen again!"

The leader glanced up from his wrist to find that _he_ was the one looking down the very same barrel at the moment. He gasped a little, and turned pale. However, the other occupants of the building were not going to stand for this. They all aimed their weapons at Juudai, ready to shoot if he made a wrong move.

"Juudai, you got a plan?" Manjoume asked, backing up against him as a gun was pressed in his face. Juudai did not answer. So, Manjoume assumed he would have to follow the other's lead. He only kept a tight grip on his own gun and waited, watching out of the corner of his eye to see what Juudai might do.

There was a long period of silence; everything was tense. Juudai continued to aim at the leader, unmoving. The others continued to aim at Juudai and Manjoume. Everyone was sticking to their ground. It became apparent that something had to be done, and quickly. Any wrong move could set them off.

Juudai glanced into Johan's eyes, his own just as fiery as ever. As Johan realized what the brunet wanted him to do, his breath hitched in his throat. He knew he was going to have to let Juudai take the risk. And if it did not work the first time…But he was willing to take the chance. He trusted the other with all his heart.

Slowly, he clung tighter to Juudai and wrapped his legs around him as well for a better grip. It was difficult to hold himself up like that when he was so badly injured, but he would have to manage. Grunting a little from exertion, he winced as a sharp pain ran down his side, and told himself to hang on. He could almost hear Juudai telling him to hang on, as well. And that was all the encouragement he needed to keep going.

It looked as though Juudai was still supporting Johan's weight and would be unable to do anything. But, at this point, Johan was holding himself up by clinging to Juudai's body. This left the brunet free to move. And he took advantage of it. There was only a moment where nothing happened. But then, Juudai swung into action. And he was not slow about it either.

Quickly, gathering up the combined power of Haou, Yubel, and what he already possessed, he lunged, flipping the person diagonally behind him and knocking him to the ground. Around the same time, he seized the wrist of the person diagonally in front of him and flipped them over as well, knocking the gun out of his hand. He kicked the gun up as it flew into the air, and caught it in his other hand. Thankfully, Manjoume had seen this movement about to happen out of the corner of his eye, and had done something similar to the people surrounding him. They had been trained for this sort of thing so it was not too difficult. Still, they had to be careful, and Juudai used his dark powers to erect a sort of force field around them temporarily, so any stray shots would be deflected. He was not able to hold it up forever, but it was something he could do just long enough to gain the upper hand.

Johan's eyes widened a bit as the attackers leapt to their feet and tried to charge at them again. But Juudai was too quick for them. Without even batting an eye, he shot them, and they fell to the ground. Perhaps they had not been mortally injured, but at least they were immobilized. And even if they had been mortally wounded, Juudai did not care. All he could think about was saving Johan.

"We got to get out of here, NOW." Manjoume told him, kicking another one of the captors in the jaw, "We can't stick around and let you have revenge."

Juudai was too busy to respond. He knocked down one of the injured, who was trying to get up and seize him, and ran for the door. Manjoume followed him, covering him from behind. They rushed out into the hall before any of the men could emerge.

"Let's just hope that no one else is in here," Manjoume grumbled as they ran, "Otherwise, we're screwed."

"We're not screwed," Juudai panted, his eyes changing from Haou's golden ones to the double color of Yubel's, "We can get out of here. The entrance is just up ahead." He pointed towards the door.

"Good," Manjoume panted, "I just hope that there's no one else waiting for us with open arms out there."

They rushed through the doorway and out into the cold night air. The guards were just as they had left them, only, there was a pool of blood beneath each of them. Juudai paid no notice to them. However, Johan glanced at them, and was almost sick when he saw.

"Oh, God…" He gagged a little, trying to push down the wave of sickness that had suddenly washed over him. It felt strange to him since he had been in the war for awhile. He had encountered the injured, dying, and the dead for months. And yet it had never really bothered him after the first few times. Though, at this point, seeing it again…It had caught up to him. He thought he was going to be sick.

"Hang in there," Juudai panted, pushing himself harder to get to the plane in time. He gripped Johan closer to himself, dropping the guns on the pavement.

Any other time, Juudai would have cared to see people hurt, enemy or not. But at that moment, he was more concerned about Johan. The instinctive rush he felt, the _need_ to protect his beloved, was just too much for him to really notice much else. He was just grateful that Johan was alive. Just to be able to hold him in his arms, to feel his warm, heavy weight and knowing that he had succeeded in keeping him from death was such a great burden off his shoulders. However grateful he was, though, he was soon reminded of the close call that Johan had had, when they got into the lighted interior of the plane, that was. The moment he saw the bruises and cuts and wounds on Johan's face and neck, and on his body in the places where his shirt was torn, Juudai felt as though someone had hit him in the stomach with a brick wall. He could only collapse in his seat, though he refused to let Johan go.

"This…is…all my fault…" He murmured, looking down at Johan in shock.

Johan glanced up at him, then shook his head. "How could it be?" He said softly, almost inaudibly, "You didn't know…"

A few silent moments ticked by as the plane took off, leaving Johan's prison far below them. Juudai only sat there, holding Johan close as the shock settled in. He glanced over at Manjoume, who got the silent message.

"I think…I'll go check on the pilot," He muttered, getting up and slipping into the cockpit. That gave Juudai and Johan a moment of their own.

Juudai glanced down, locking his eyes with Johan's. They stared into each others' eyes for a few seconds, overwhelmed by emotion. Then, unable to help himself, Juudai leaned down and pressed his lips to Johan's in a firm kiss. The other's eyes widened a little in surprise. Juudai had never kissed him like that. But he did not really blame him after what they had been through.

"Johan," Juudai panted, breaking away from the kiss for a moment to hold him close, "You do not know how scared I was. Do not ever do that to me again. In fact, I'm going to make sure that never ever happens to you again. I'm so sorry…"

Before Johan could reply, Juudai leaned down and captured his lips in another kiss. This one lasted longer than any of their kisses had. Juudai lingered in it, pressing his mouth closer and closer, as though he just could not get enough. After a moment, Johan recovered from the surprise and returned the pressure. He was just as glad to see Juudai. And he was not going to turn this down. He needed the comfort after what he had gone through.

Juudai pulled away again to speak, burying his face in Johan's hair. "I can't let this happen to you again. That's why…I want you…to live with me. Promise me you'll live with me."

"Juudai…" Johan glanced up at him as he mulled over this. He was just in so much shock. How could he make such a decision at a time like this? "I did lose everything…" It was true. His captors had burned his house and all his possessions, except for the clothes on his back and his cards. Thankfully he had hidden those away in his clothes and they had not taken them from him.

"Then move in with me," Juudai pressed, looking pained, "Please. I can't stand the thought of this ever happening again." Once more, he pressed his lips to Johan's. "I love you."

Feeling too tired and weak to argue, Johan nodded and agreed. "Fine. I'll move in with you. Just for awhile. Just until I can get back on my feet."

Juudai did not feel like arguing with Johan either, so he decided that they could discuss it in more detail later. Besides, Johan looked as though he might pass out any minute. His health was more of an issue at the moment. Juudai decided that as soon as they landed, he would take the other man to a hospital where he could get fixed up. He was not bleeding or anything, but he was injured badly. Maybe not enough to be life threatening, as he had survived it thus far, but enough to have to be tended to.

Laying his head on Juudai's shoulder, Johan sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He was so tired. Everything he had been through in the past months just caught up with him. It felt as though he had not had a moment's peace. And finally he was in his lover's arms, going someplace safe. Yes, he felt bad for having practically run with his tail between his legs but what else could he do? He had done all he could do for his country for the moment. Maybe once he recovered he and Juudai could go back and do something. But for the time being, he needed rest. He would do no one good if he was so worn down and weak. He was also very hungry, but the need for sleep took precedence. So, he tucked his head under Juudai's chin and began to drift off.

Juudai held him close, kissing him every so often on the top of the head as he started to go to sleep. He was worried that Johan might not wake up, though he knew he most likely would. Still, he was going to keep a close eye on him. He had come too close to losing him. As he watched the other sleep, Manjoume came back to his seat and glanced over at Juudai, though neither made an effort to talk. Exhaustion was taking its toll on them, too. They had been up all night thus far. Whereas Manjoume would be able to rest, Juudai would have to stay awake in order to watch over Johan. He could only sleep when they arrived safely. But for the time being, he had to keep himself awake with thoughts and plans of the future. He knew that they were not out of danger yet. That had been too easy. That would not be the end of the matter.

All the same, Juudai hoped that they could get some peace for awhile, maybe. And along the way, he hoped to coax Johan to move with him, and marry him. It was getting to _that_ point. And there was no telling what else the future had in store for them. The only thing they could do was prepare themselves as best as they could by strengthening their bond, and waiting. Time itself would tell what was required. But for then, they could rest. And hopefully, things would get better.

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**A/N: O.o Aaaaaannnd my realism scale drops about 20 points. -.- Sorry. It's a bit rushed. I don't want to overemphasize this part of the story. Why? Because I don't want to. D: This story isn't supposed to be fully focused on this aspect of it. I'm building up, ne! I'm just sorry I got lazy with this chapter. DX But I like it so shuddup! D8 Lol jk. Tell me yer thoughts. I just…have reasons for having it done the way it is. Yyyy? You will see. C:**


	5. Chapter 5: Decisions

**A/N: 8D Um…um…this chapter…is about Johan and Juudai's relationship. And…er…I do have a bit of a warning. You see, when I first developed the plot, Proposition 8 had not happened yet. I talked it over with some of my friends and after much thought, I decided not to change too much from my original plan because this is set in the future and who knows? Things can change. Especially with Obama coming into office. So, the point is, it may not be entirely realistic for the moment, but I believe things will change. So, bear with me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own GX.**

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Chapter 5: Decisions

Johan sighed heavily as he strained to get out of the car. Juudai hurried around to the other side and held the door open for him, then reached out a hand, which Johan took gladly. The brunet helped him get out of the car and led him to the door of his house. He was careful with Johan since the other had just gotten out of the hospital after over a week of being confined. Even though they had given him treatment, of course he was still sore and weak. At least he had been released. That meant he could begin the long road of physical and emotional recovery. He was almost afraid that Juudai would be unable to handle such a burden, since he was such a free-spirited person and this would tie him down. But Juudai seemed willing to stick by Johan's side no matter the cost. He cared about him that much, and was willing to sacrifice anything for the other's sake.

Juudai glanced over at Johan as he ushered him inside. He was glad to have Johan under his care. That meant he could keep an eye on him. Besides, he wanted to start a new life with Johan by his side anyway. He wanted them to live together, to be closer. Even though the experience had been less than pleasant, at least it gave them an excuse to live together. And at least he would not have to worry about the other so much anymore. A wave of relief washed over him as he helped Johan sit down on the couch.

Sighing again, Johan sank into the plush cushions, and closed his eyes tightly. Juudai sat down next to him, yawning. He felt sleepy then. They had endured so much thus far. And there was still more ahead of them. But for the moment they could relax.

Juudai wondered momentarily, though, when he should ask Johan again to marry him again. He was growing desperate to do so, especially with the knowledge that Japan was about to make some sort of deal with Europe. Things were already changing, and he knew that if he did not get out soon, then he and Johan would end up in danger again. If they wanted to do the world any good, then they would have to solve the problem from a distance. They would have to analyze the situation before jumping into it uninformed.

"Oh, Juudai…"

Juudai slowly slid his half-lidded gaze in Johan's direction. He looked at him questioningly. "What?"

"…Thank you for everything." Johan smiled wanly at him, his normally bright green eyes dull and somewhat lifeless.

Concerned, Juudai nodded and replied, "You're welcome." A beat. "Are you all right?"

It took a moment for Juudai's question to sink in. Then, Johan quickly nodded. "Yes, of course! I'm just…tired." He leaned his head back on the couch and closed his eyes again.

Placing a hand on Johan's shoulder, Juudai said softly, "You know, if you need to talk…"

Johan cracked open one eye to look at him. "It sounds more like you're the one that needs to talk," He murmured.

"Yeah, well, maybe I do…" Juudai dropped his hands in his lap, staring down at them thoughtfully.

"Well, I'm not too tired to listen to what you have to say," Johan assured him, sitting up a little straighter and gazing at him. "What is it?"

"I'm just a little concerned," He said softly, still staring down at his hands.

"About what?" Johan tilted his head a bit to one side, looking questioningly at the other.

"About what's going to happen to Japan," Juudai admitted, "Things here look like they're changing for the worse. I don't mean to be pessimistic. I'm just trying to be realistic. I mean, I have talked it over with Yubel and she said that I'm right…that things are headed down the same path here as they did in Europe. So, I was thinking that we'd better take some time to recover then leave. As much as I don't want to…" He paused, and swallowed hard, staring back down at his lap. Johan patiently waited for him to continue. "…I feel like…it's necessary. We have to leave. If we have to be drifters, then so be it. I can deal with that. I've been living like that. It's just…I don't want us to drift separate ways, you know? And I don't want to never come home again." He breathed deeply, and let the inhaled air out in a sigh.

There was a lull for a few brief moments. Johan seemed to be soaking the information in, and turning it over in his head. Finally, he nodded, affirming Juudai's statements. "We should leave…" He said quietly, thoughtfully, "I hate to run away but…"

"But we need a plan before we can do anything." Juudai finished.

Johan nodded again. "We need to think about the situation and figure out what we're going to do about it. But for the time being, in order to help others, we have to get out of the situation ourselves. I mean, look at what happened to me. Can we really do anyone any good if we're in that situation? The best thing we can do is like you said. But…where do we go?"

Juudai shrugged, though he had an idea anyway. "Wherever the wind takes us, I guess." He swallowed hard, trying not to look eager. Though, his eyes held that faraway gleam that they always got when he had adventure in mind. Oh, he had a plan all right. He had an idea where they could go. But…he wasn't sure if he should bring it up again so soon.

Johan frowned and looked at him questioningly. Ignoring it, Juudai moved closer to him, and wrapped his arms around the other's waist. Johan continued to gaze at him skeptically, leaning back in his arms so he could look him in the eyes. Juudai did not want to lock his gaze with the European's, simply because he knew that if he did, all would be revealed. Already Johan could tell something was on his mind. That was bad enough. Question was…Would he press for information?

"Juudai…" Johan asked quietly, his frown deepening, "Why are you hiding something from me?"

"I don't think now is the time," He replied, looking away.

"I think now is the time," Johan insisted, taking hold of Juudai's face and forcing him to look back in his eyes. "Seriously. If you have something on your mind, or if you have an idea, I want you to tell me about it."

Sighing heavily, Juudai relented. "Ok, Ok. Look, I didn't want to bring this up again so soon. Especially considering what I think your reaction would be. I just don't think it's fair after what you've already been through. But…at the same time…I think it really would be best for us. I really have thought a lot and I think I've made up my mind. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm pressuring you because that's really not my intent at all. The thing is…I think it would be a good idea if we moved to America. At least for awhile." He bit his lip, trying to push down the nervous anxiety that was rising from the pit of his stomach.

Johan furrowed his brow again. "America?" He cocked his head to one side, looking puzzled. "Why…?"  
Juudai sighed again to clear his mind. "Well, because it's the best place to be right now. There isn't any internal unrest or civil war. They aren't interested in this pact that Europe has proposed. So, maybe we'd be safe there for a little while."

"Juudai…" Johan looked unimpressed, worried, "I don't think that's the best place to go…They have problems too."

"Well, can you think of anyplace better to go?" Juudai asked, grabbing him by the shoulders, "I mean, if we don't get out now, we just might be stuck here! We barely got you out of Denmark. What if next time we're not so lucky? Look, I've done a lot of looking into things these past two weeks you've been in the hospital. And I've talked to Manjoume, too, and he agrees that it's a good idea. Look, he has connections, we have status, you are eligible for political asylum…I think there's something we can do. We can get in! I've already talked with some people over there, and they said they would allow us to enter the country. They said they would _love_ to have us immigrate. After all, think about our status? Think about what we could do for them! There's so many reasons to let us in. Let's not let our only chance to pass us up. And, if we don't like it, once this whole thing is over, we can move back!" Juudai stopped, biting his lip and looking desperately at the other. "_Please_, Johan. I'm begging you."

Johan blinked. "Damn…begging me? Well…" He paused, thinking about it, "I…uh…that's…wow. That's a lot to think about."

"We don't have much of a choice, do we?" Juudai continued, nibbling on his lower lip in apprehension, "I mean, I would do it anyway…if I weren't worried about leaving you alone. I'm never going to abandon you again. So if you don't go, then I don't go. Please do me this favor. Please. It's not too much to ask, right?"  
"Too much to ask?!" Johan exclaimed, his eyes widening, "Oh, no, Juudai. It's not like you're asking me to try to move on away from everything that was my life. It's not like you're asking me to leave the second place I could think of as home. It's not like you're asking me to change everything about my life and risk losing everything all over again. Damn, Juudai…just…damn. I don't know. I'm sorry to be so snappish at you, but this is ridiculous!" He shrugged Juudai off of him and stood, crossing his arms over his chest and pacing around the room.

"Johan…" Juudai said softly, "I'm sorry. I know you're going through a hard time. I know you're facing things that you never dreamed would ever happen. But I'm here for you. You can count on me and trust me! Please…trust my judgment. What more do you have to lose?" As soon as these words had left his mouth, he regretted them. He knew that last comment had stung, especially by the way that Johan winced.

"_God_, Juudai, you really know what not to say, don't you?" Johan hissed, hugging himself tighter and staring down at the floor.

"I'm sorry…" Juudai swallowed hard, "Look, I know…that wasn't the best thing to say. But honestly, tell me your reasoning for _not_ going. Don't you want to try? Don't you want an adventure?"

Johan looked up, shooting him an icy look. "That's all it is for you, isn't it? All fun. All adventure. I'm sorry but I feel like I've changed as far as that is concerned. There was a time I would go to the ends of the earth with you. But I'm scared now. Ok? I'm _scared_. There. I've said it. I know I'm probably not being very nice right now, but I don't ever want to go through that again! I don't ever want to have to give everything up and leave my home and face inhumanities from hell…I don't want a part of me to die inside again. And…I don't…want to lose you." He squeezed his eyes shut, massaging his temples. Sighing heavily, he continued quietly, "I…I…want to go with you. I want to say yes. More than anything, I don't want to be this person I've become. But I just can't handle it like you can. I wasn't cut out for this…I'm tired…because it seems every few months, there's something else we have to take care of…I'm…so sorry…"

Slowly, Juudai stood up as well and walked over to Johan. He slipped his arms around Johan's waist from behind, and rested his chin on his shoulder. "Come on. It won't kill you. There's not more we can lose. We have to go."

He stiffened. "I don't _want_ to."

"We have to." Juudai prodded. "Stop being so oppositional and resistant. This isn't like you."

There was a pause. Then: "I'm sorry…" Johan turned his head to look over his shoulder at the other, his sea green eyes apologetic. "I really didn't mean to snap at you like that or be like that. Like I said, I got scared…But…I guess you're right. I don't want to…but…"

"But?" Juudai urged, squeezing him tighter.

"If you say we should…" He took a deep breath and held it, before letting it out slowly, "Then I guess I should trust you and go with you. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I'm sorry I said all those things. Maybe I didn't mean all of it. You just know how I've been these days…I've been so indecisive and stressed. But…I guess I could try. I guess I should."

"That's right," Juudai said soothingly, rubbing his shoulders and kissing him on the tip of the ear, "If you don't like it, I'll do whatever I can to make things better for you."

"…Ok…" Johan reluctantly agreed, "I'll give it a shot." He smiled wanly.

"Thanks," Juudai returned his smile, and squeezed him tightly around the waist in a bear hug.

"Careful…" Johan warned, wincing. He was still feeling his injuries. After all, he had to recover.

"Sorry," Juudai released him and stepped back.

Turning, Johan stared into his eyes, blinking and looking curious again. "Is there something else you have to tell me?"

Blushing, Juudai glanced away and refused to answer. Getting him to agree to move to America was one thing. That had been hard enough. But this…He wasn't sure if he should try to get him to agree to this in the same day…But, it was worth a shot. He told himself that if Johan did not agree to it then, he would wait a very long time before posing the question again. "Well, I guess that isn't all…" He admitted, toying with his fingers.

"What is it?" Johan stepped closer, putting his hands on Juudai's shoulders and giving him a reassuring smile. "I mean, I understand that you don't want to say anything after that, but I promise I won't bite your head off this time. No matter what it is."

"Ok…" Juudai took a deep breath, "…Remember that question I asked you earlier that you weren't sure about?"

"Um…I'm not sure I recall…" Johan looked at him warily.

"Guess I have to clarify then," Juudai grinned sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his hair. He was trying not to feel uncertain, but after Johan's previous reactions, he couldn't help it.

Johan gave him a puzzled glance. Since when was Juudai so uncertain of himself? It must be…He swallowed hard and tried to calm the wild beating of his heart. Was he really going to…again? "What?" He asked in a hoarse whisper, daring to press for information. Part of him did not want to know. Part of him was dying for it.

"Well," Juudai said slowly, looking up from the floor right into Johan's emerald green eyes, "I know I've asked before, but I think things are a little different now. So, I'm asking again. And if you deny me, then I won't ask for a long time."

"Ok," Johan agreed, growing slightly irritated due to the apprehension rising within him. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. And when Juudai took a step closer, his gaze penetrating down to the very heart and soul, Johan's breath hitched in his throat, and he had to grasp the edge of a nearby table for support.

"Will you marry me now?" Juudai asked in a nearly inaudible whisper.

For a moment, it seemed as time had frozen over. This had not been unexpected on either behalf. Despite the fact that he had been the one to propose, Juudai was still surprised. Perhaps it was because he had not really believed he would say it. But he had. And all that was left to the matter for the time being was Johan's answer. So he waited, though impatient. He bit his lip, continuing to stare at Johan. With every passing second, he felt more and more nervous. There wasn't anything to say, though. Anything he could say was depending on Johan's reply. Which he had not given yet. In fact, it was arguable that he had even registered the question at all. For the moment, the European kept staring at Johan, his mouth slightly agape, his hand trembling so vigorously that the table was almost even shaking with it.

"Juu…dai…" A gasp separated the two syllables of the name. Johan was still trying to compose himself, and perhaps it had been too soon to speak.

"Well?" Juudai asked anxiously, swallowing hard. If Johan did not provide him with an answer soon, he was sure that he would lose his mind.

"I…" Johan's eyes darted around; he licked his lips. "Well…" A beat. Johan closed his eyes and breathed deeply, obviously trying to clear his mind. He shifted a little, and gripped the table with both hands then. "I…mean…I did…lose everything…We do have to leave…anyway…"

"Yeah," Juudai said breathlessly, inching closer towards him, never taking his eyes off of him, "So why don't we make something good out of this situation?" He smiled warmly at Johan, though inside he felt as though he was going to melt into a puddle on the floor.

Johan opened his breathtaking sea green eyes and met Juudai's gaze. Scarlet tinged the brunet's cheeks at the sight. "Well, that is true," The teal-haired duelist said slowly, deep in thought. He paused another moment, then looked back up. "Um…Ah…"

Looking at him expectantly, almost as though he were in pain, Juudai tried to patiently await an answer. He was unaware that the longer he waited, the closer he moved to Johan, forcing him to lean backwards over the table a little to keep from being up against him. Johan grinned nervously up at Juudai, his own face flushing.

"Well…um…" He wasn't sure it was a good idea, but what did he have to lose? It did not mean anything had to change, right? His main concern really had been his status in the rebel army and the fact that they would have to move to America and give up part of their lives to do so. But there was nothing to give up since they had to do it anyway. So why not? "Well, Ok. Yes…I'll do it." He swallowed hard, almost unable to believe his own ears. Had he really just…agreed? He felt as though he were in a daze. For a moment, all he could hear was the sound of the blood rushing in his ears.

The same was true for Juudai. He could hardly believe his ears. Had Johan really just given in? His chocolate eyes widened. Despite his optimism, he really had not been expecting that answer. Especially after the vehement resistance before. For a moment, he was unable to do anything but stare into Johan's eyes, finding himself lost in them. There was silence between them. It was as though they were the only two beings in existence in the world.

It was then that he realized how close they were standing. But he did not back away like he normally would have. Instead, he moved closer, causing Johan to blush. Instead of stepping back, though, Johan straightened up and allowed Juudai to get that close to him. There was a moment where they merely stood close against each other, lingering in the heat of another. Juudai felt the warmth slowly spreading through his body, from his core outward, and it grew to a fiery sensation throbbing through every vein. Lunging forward, he surprised Johan by seizing his face in one hand, while putting the other hand on the back of his head, and pushing him forward in a searing kiss. He pressed closer against Johan, overwhelmed by emotion. For what seemed like the first time, he felt Johan's body pressed closely against his own, felt his heart beating rapidly in time with his, felt as though their souls had become entwined in one.

Although Johan had been shocked at first, he soon overcame it, and found himself returning the affection. He found that he didn't mind it so much, then. In fact, he felt as though he was enjoying it more than he should. He returned the kiss with much fervor, letting his fingers drift to the silky umber locks.

Juudai pressed his mouth closer, lingering in the scent that was indescribably _Johan_. He felt his lungs tightening, but ignored the burning sensation. This would suffice to sustain his life. He did not need anything at all when he had _this_. He could hardly think straight; his mind had been overcome by the haze of intoxication. The whole time, he found himself just giving in to the impulses, finding he wanted more. Perhaps not in the way most people would have wanted more. No, he did not want to go all the way. Rather, he just wanted more emotionally speaking. Something that was truly intangible. He wanted to touch Johan's soul, to hold it close to his heart. Nothing seemed to be able to show that desire, other than the action of commitment. All he wanted was to marry the European right then, at that moment. It was impossible, but he found that once he had gotten the other to agree, he wanted it more than ever. It was enough of an incentive to leave in itself, he thought.

A few heated moments were spent kissing feverishly. Juudai immediately noticed the change in the way that they did share the kiss. Whereas before their kisses had been only soft, momentary exchanges, this one was long, hot, passionate. Johan was clinging to him with all his might, it seemed, his eyes tightly squeezed shut, scraping his nails against the brunet's scalp. Juudai hooked his arms around Johan's waist and pressed him even closer against himself. They continued to make-out, growing more and more caught up.

Just as Juudai was touching his tongue to Johan's lips, he felt something wet fall on his cheek. Opening his eyes, he noticed that tears were slipping down the other man's face. Alarmed, he broke the seal of the kiss, and held him at arms' length.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking concerned, "Did I do something wrong?"

Johan shook his head and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just…so…I don't know the word. So relieved…" He smiled through his tears, and gave a little laugh, "I'm just a little overwhelmed. I'm so happy…But I'm feeling so weak at the same time. Just thinking again what I went through…and knowing how close I came to death and losing you." He reached up and touched Juudai's face lightly, smiling fondly. "Even if I hadn't come close to dying, I still might have lost you from the way I was acting."

Juudai looked surprised. He placed his hand over Johan's, and squeezed it tightly. "There's no way that I would ever leave you. Even if I didn't understand what was going on. Even if I was upset with you. I could still never leave you."

Sniffing a little, Johan just nodded as though to assure himself. He tucked his head under Juudai's chin, burying his face in the other's collarbone. There was a moment of silence, where they just held each other, then a stifled sob from Johan.

"Oh, Juudai…" He clung to Juudai's shirt, his hands trembling, "I'm so glad it's over!"

"I know," Juudai said, swallowing hard. He was beginning to feel rather emotional himself.

"I'm sorry," Johan sniffed again, laying his cheek down against Juudai's chest and listening to the steady beating of his heart, "I've just been really emotional lately…And it's really beginning to sink in…the relief and all. I've been so busy recovering that I didn't really think about it that much. I was too tired…"

"It's Ok," Juudai assured him, kissing him on the top of the head, "I told you that already. You don't have to tell me you're sorry for being human. You can only take so much." He stroked Johan's silky teal hair and held him gently.

"And I…I never imagined that…" He gulped air momentarily, trying to compose himself, though he continued to smile weakly, "…that you would be my fiancé…It's just so much at once…" He gave a little laugh again, running his fingers through his wild hair.

"But it's exciting," Juudai pointed out, "Especially now that everything's all right."

"Exciting but exhausting," Johan yawned, then sniffed again and wiped a stray tear away, "And I think the thing I would like the most right now is to just go to bed and sleep forever."  
"Ok, I don't blame you." Juudai put an arm around his shoulders. "Come on. You can sleep in my bed, if you'd like."

"I don't want to be a burden," Johan protested, "And I don't want to take your bed."

"Even if you refuse, I'm still going to sleep on the couch," Juudai informed him, leading him up the stairs, "So just take the bed, Ok?"

Johan seemed hesitant, but nodded. "Ok." He was too tired to argue anyway.

"Well, have a good night." Juudai leaned over and kissed him on the lips briefly, "And if you need anything, don't hesitate to come wake me up. Ok?"

Nodding wearily, Johan agreed. "Ok." He yawned and stretched a little, then gave Juudai a little half-hug. "Good night." He disappeared into Juudai's room, and shut the door behind him.

Sighing, Juudai trudged down the stairs to make himself comfortable on the couch. He sure hoped that Johan would be all right. From the way he had been acting earlier, though, he was worried. Something might happen to him if he was left alone. Part of him wanted to go sleep next to him, to make sure he was all right. But part of him worried that Johan might need his personal space and some time alone. So, he just opted to go to the living room. If Johan needed him, he would come to him.

* * *

"_Don't try to fight us off."_

_The room was dark; there was a single light bulb hanging over the chair. It reminded Johan of those detective movies where a criminal was brought in a room and interrogated. Only, this was worse. Around him stood faceless shadows of human beings, closing in on him every second. The one who had spoken stepped forward, the light gleaming off the object he held in his hand. Emerald eyes widened in realization of what the object was. He struggled against the bonds that held him down, all to no avail. The person came closer and seized his arm. Johan struggled against him, but he could do nothing with his arms tied securely behind his back and a gag in his mouth. He could not move, could not scream, could not do anything but stare at the object._

_The cold hand around his arm tightened, and he felt the sleeve being pulled upwards. He bit the cloth in his mouth, trying to loosen it so he could talk. It was of no use. Before he had time to do anything, he felt a sharp prick in his arm, followed by a rush of pain._

_He threw his head back, trying to scream at them to stop, only to have it muffled by the rag. Those around him laughed and jeered at him as tears threatened to fall. And they did. He hated being experimented on. He hated the taunting that went along with it. It was almost like he wasn't even human anymore._

"_It hurts, doesn't it? Well, don't worry. The pain is temporary. For now. Too bad we might not see the long-term effects. You could die if your body can't handle it." Gleaming white teeth were revealed as the figure smirked._

_The warm rush of pain seemed to be going up his arm as the substance was carried through his body. The twisting agony grew sharper and sharper, until it had spread all throughout his being, affecting every individual cell. The roaring laughter of those around him filled the room, echoing off the walls as they brought the whips out again._

"_This won't take long…"_

Johan shot up in bed, panting and shaking. He ran a hand through his hair, wiping some of the cold sweat from his forehead. Looking around him, he came to the realization that he was no longer in danger, but in Juudai's house. It did little to content him, though. He was so afraid they would come after him and find him.

Slowly, he got up and paced around the room, crossing his arms and unconsciously hugging himself. He did not want to go to Juudai for comfort again. He had already been too much of a burden to him. Besides, he was embarrassed that he could not take care of the matter himself. He felt as though he could not take care of himself at all. And he really hated that. He really hated the fact that every time he got in trouble, he needed Juudai to come bail him out. And as much as he wanted to go to Juudai for comfort, he felt as though he could not. Though, perhaps he should considering…

He paced around the room for several minutes, deep in thought. He tried to calm himself, but it wasn't easy at all. The flashbacks were coming back to him clearer then. He hadn't remembered these things so well before…Perhaps it was his subconscious memories resurfacing…

Hugging himself tighter as a cold shiver ran down his spine, he tried desperately to put it away from his mind. But it would not leave. He knew he was still in danger. He was a prisoner on the run…It sort of made him feel as though he had done something wrong, even though he had not.

"I can take care of myself," He assured himself out loud, though he really was not so sure. He bit his lip and paced around a little faster.

Hearing the wind pick up a little outside, he felt more anxious. Maybe he was just going through post-traumatic stress. Maybe if he just went downstairs and looked at Juudai, just to reassure himself that the brunet _was_ there, and if he just got some warm milk while down there as an excuse, he would be able to go back to sleep. Yes, he could handle this himself.

He took a deep breath and slowly made his way out the door and down the stairs, taking care to be quiet. It was difficult to see where he was going in the dark, and it kind of made him nervous. After all, he had spent the worst stretch of time in his life trapped in the dark. He felt his heart hammering against his ribs and took a moment to grip the railing, trying to calm himself down with deep, even breaths.

He took a few steps then froze suddenly, as he thought he had seen a shadow moving on the wall. His breath hitched in his throat, and he broke out into a cold sweat, his hands shaking as he gripped the railing so tightly it hurt. Telling himself it was nothing, that it was either Juudai or a duel spirit or something along those lines, he took another cautious step forward. The stair creaked slightly, and he cringed. Glancing nervously back up at the spot where the shadow had been, he carefully made his way to the base of the stairs, and wandered into the living room. Though, the whole time, he kept looking over his shoulder, making sure no one was watching him.

He stopped in the doorway, peering through the cloak of night to try and make out the figure of Juudai on the couch. It was difficult to see, though, so he took a few steps into the room and was still once more. He felt rather pathetic, standing there before the couch, just to comfort himself in knowing that Juudai was there. A heat rose to his cheeks as he was ashamed, and he tried to force himself to turn around before he could indulge in the sight. But, no, he had hardly even looked to see if Juudai was there, even, and he saw that same ominous shadow on the wall. He jumped back slightly, feeling even stupider than before for fearing such a thing. He had been through worse. What was wrong with him? Though it was rather difficult to gain a hold of himself. His eyes flickered in the direction of the couch, where he did catch sight of the sleeping form of Juudai.

A little sigh of relief escaped from betwixt his lips before he could suppress it. He did not feel so afraid of the shadow or the howling wind, then. He reminded himself that he was safe and he was far away from those that could hurt him. For the time being. Of course they had had time to catch up with him, he supposed. Right? Well, he was not so sure. He supposed that he was just being paranoid again. They probably had bigger things to worry about than him. Of course, he was only telling himself these things to try to console himself but…it was not really working when he knew the truth of the matter. He did not feel entirely safe, and that was all that counted.

Crouching on the floor so he was closer to Juudai, he tried to tell himself that it was all right. He could feel the presence of his beloved Gem Beasts—he always did for they were always with him. And yet…it did little to soothe his terrified, broken soul. It was as though there was no comfort, no healing for him. He figured that it was passing, and that it was simply an after-effect of the dream. Yet…he still feared it would not be.

Still frightened, he forced himself to get up and start for the kitchen. Just a glass of warm milk…that was all he needed. He did not need to ask Juudai for help. He was perfectly capable of handling himself. Alas, if only it were so…He was beginning to wonder if he truly was able to care for himself. After all, thinking back, his entire life he had bitten off more than he could chew, resulting in danger and the need for someone to come save him. Just once in his life, he had wanted to do something on his own, to be able to work alone and succeed, but he had failed yet again. He was very capable of helping Juudai if need be, but to work alone…it was not in his nature, he supposed.

Sighing, he heated up the milk and leaned against the counter. The house was still as dark and quiet as it had been before. There was the occasional whistle of the wind, or the scraping of branches against the window, but that was about it. The atmosphere was heavy, eerie. It made Johan feel uneasy.

Finishing the glass off, he started to head back towards the stairs. Just as he was at the base of the stairs, a shadow streaked across his path. His heart leapt into his throat. And, before he knew what he was doing, he had run back into the living room and grabbed a hold of Juudai, shaking him awake.

Juudai opened one eye halfway, yawning sleepily. "Hn?"

"Juudai," Johan hissed, swallowing hard as his entire body quivered in fright, "I don't know what it was or if I'm being paranoid but I don't think we're alone." He bit his lip.

Groaning under his breath, Juudai sat up and stretched, then rubbed his eyes. "I don't think anything's wrong. Kuriboh would have woken me up if there was something wrong."

"Could you just check, please?" Johan asked, clinging to his arm.

Juudai opened his mouth to say something, then seemed to think better of it. He gazed at Johan sympathetically, as though he understood why he was so upset. Slowly, he swung his legs over the edge of the couch and stood. He walked across the room and turned the light on, revealing…nothing.

"What did you think you saw anyway?" Juudai asked.

"A shadow," Johan said weakly, realizing just how dumb he had been. His face flushed in embarrassment. "Sorry…"

"It's Ok. You're jumpy after what happened," Juudai assured him, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry, Ok? I'm sure it was probably just something outside blowing in the wind. Relax."

"I can't…I can't go back to sleep," Johan muttered, holding his head in a hand, "I keep having these awful dreams and I just don't know if I'll get them again if I go back to sleep. It's like reliving that whole…experience all over again."

Looking concerned, Juudai slipped his arm around the other's waist. "You know, maybe you should see a counselor. I mean, before it gets bad."

"No, no," Johan insisted, "I can take care of this myself!"

"Johan," Juudai told him, blinking and looking taken aback, "You can't do this on your own. You're trying way too hard. You _can't_ take care of yourself. I mean, not all the time. You take on more than you can handle. Let me take care of you until you're back on your feet."

"But I—"

"No." Juudai put a finger to his lips, shushing him, "Now, you'll be just fine. You need to sleep. Come on, you can sleep with me."

"I—"

"No. I don't want to hear it." Juudai pushed Johan towards the stairs, determined not to let the teal-haired duelist handle it on his own.

On the other hand, Johan tried to resist, but Juudai was too resolute in his decision. There was not much anyone could do once the brunet had made up his mind. So, he had no choice but to follow Juudai upstairs and to the bedroom. Though, with each step, he felt his heart thump a little harder in anticipation. It was a mixture of fear of the unknown and nervous excitement about being able to sleep in the same bed as Juudai. This last part was more or less one of the thoughts in the back of his mind—it really was the least of his concerns. Though, he was aware of it, but he thought nothing bad of it.

Juudai shut the door and locked it before going over to the bed and crawling into it. He lifted the covers for Johan and looked at him expectantly. No choice. Caving, the European slipped into bed with him. The two lay still for a moment, only looking into each others' eyes. Johan blushed as Juudai moved closer and caused the sheets to rustle. Despite himself, he found that he was curling up against the other, melting into his open embrace. He really did need Juudai at that moment. And it felt so good to lie there engulfed in his arms, his nose buried in his shoulder and he breathed in that subtle, spicy scent characteristic of him. Taking comfort in this, he sighed and closed his eyes, finally deciding it was time to get some sleep.

Juudai stroked his hair gently as he slowly began to drift off, doing his best to keep him calm. It worked, too. He fell into a relaxed state of mind, and managed to get to sleep. Only once Juudai heard his breathing become deep and even did he allow himself to drift off. He had silently vowed to take care of Johan no matter what. And more than ever, he was ready and willing to do so. More than ever, he was determined to get Johan out of there and to safety. He decided that the next day would be the day he made that call. They needed to get on this journey before their nerves got the better of them, and before it was too late.

* * *

**A/N: Ok…so…next chapter will proly be a little mix of things…I'll proly have a few timeskips coming up because, even though I researched it, I don't wanna go into all the minor details. HOW BORING WOULD THAT BE?! D: This is just the backstory after all. C: Oh, and for those of you that I am doing things for...don't worry I haven't forgotten. The only reason I got this done was b/c I found a few minutes out of every day to write a bit of it. I'm still working on the other projects too.**


	6. Chapter 6: Fresh Start

**A/N: Lol Idk if I'm gonna screw it up by doing this but…hahaha time skip, y'all. 8D And uhhh there will proly be moar than one. DX I is lazy. And I wanna get to the good part! DD: Can you blame me? Srsly. XD Anyway…uhhh enjoy…or whatever. Also, this chapter is dedicated to KyoxSakifan because she wanted me to update it very badly and because I haven't been the best to her…putting things off and such. I'm sorry! I'm just a little stuck right now, ya know? **

**Disclaimer: I do not own GX. Wish I did. Then everyone would be together. D;**

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Chapter 6: Fresh Start

Juudai trembled in anticipation, gripping the armrests a little. He could hardly swallow his anxiety. Glancing over at Johan, who was seated beside him, Juudai wondered how he could sleep when things were about to change so drastically. He had been unable to sleep for the entirety of the long trip. Then again, Johan had not been able to sleep for the past few weeks due to his anxiety and fear that someone was after him. At first, Juudai had just thought he was being paranoid. But near the end there, he had been thinking the same thing. Someone's presence had been nearby; he just hadn't been able to put his finger on whom or what it was.

Well, at least at the moment they were away from whatever it had been. They had narrowly escaped, he felt. Currently, they were moments away from landing in an airport in Los Angeles County, California. Juudai made a mental note to thank Manjoume for getting them in. Well, more like getting _him_ in. Johan had applied for political asylum, and had gotten it for obvious reasons. He _did_ have people hunting him down. There was no denying it. And perhaps he would be safe there…Not to mention he had been very prominent in the dueling world so of course they wanted him in. As for Juudai…Manjoume had done some talking with higher officials and convinced them that it would be beneficial for them to consider giving him some permanent status. After all, he had saved the world multiple times, and he was a good duelist as well. So…there they were…on their way. Juudai just could not get over everything that had happened. He felt as though it had to be a dream. But, no, it was really happening.

Glancing back over at Johan, he smiled a little and brushed some hair out of the other man's face. Johan stirred slightly, swatting Juudai's hands away.

"Mm, Juudai," He mumbled, his eyes cracking halfway open, "We there yet?"

"Yeah," Juudai breathed in Johan's ear, causing the other to involuntarily shiver, "We'll be landing in a few minutes." He draped an around Johan's shoulders, smiling gently.

Yawning sleepily, Johan blinked a few times, then focused his piercing emerald gaze on Juudai. The brunet felt his heart skip a beat as their eyes locked, and soon, so did their lips. A few soft, tender kisses were exchanged before Johan finally pulled away to fasten his seat belt and lean back in his seat in preparation for the landing. Smiling wanly, he grabbed onto Juudai's hand, gripping it with all his might. He always hated landing.

Juudai, knowing of Johan's discomfort, leaned closer against him, tightening his grip both on Johan's hand and around his shoulders. Johan smiled again at him as a silent thanks, and tucked his head under the brunet's chin, squeezing his eyes shut. He was so nervous about being in America. He was so nervous about starting a new life with Juudai. But he convinced himself it would be worth it, even though they had given up literally everything. They had to start anew. They had to take this chance.

Johan didn't open his eyes again until the plane stopped moving and the pilot announced that they were in Los Angeles. He shivered slightly, but Juudai calmed him by slowly rubbing his arm, giving him a tiny kiss on the temple as reassurance. Feeling weak-kneed, he stood shakily, with Juudai's help. "Thank God." Were the first words that finally made their way past his quivering lips.

Juudai couldn't help but laugh. He leaned down and kissed Johan's trembling mouth, then reached up to retrieve their luggage. "Johan, you're so paranoid," He teased, earning a pout from the other, "See? I told you we'd be Ok." He held Johan's bag out to him, which the teal-haired duelist took, though he nearly dropped it on Juudai's foot.

"Sorry," The European muttered, blushing. This earned another small laugh from Juudai.

"Wow, you really are all nerves about this," Juudai remarked playfully, "Just relax. We're fine now."

"If you say so," Johan grumbled as they began to squeeze past the seats and make their way through the aisle, "I just wish we already had everything sorted out. I wish we already had our place secured."

"We're close enough," Juudai told him, giving him a little push to make him exit the plane, "Manjoume did a nice job setting things up…Aw, come on, don't give me that look. We can probably get our place within the next week thanks to him."

Johan pouted all the more. He was so jet-lagged and sleep deprived. He didn't know _how_ Juudai could remain so cheerfully optimistic. Especially since he was so exhausted he was about to snap. It hadn't been so apparent when he had been sitting but now that they were moving, he felt so slow, so sluggish, so weak. It was even worse since he had hardly adjusted to Japan's time zone when they had had to leave again. All he wanted was to collapse into a nice, warm bed. But that would have to wait until they could get to the hotel room Manjoume had booked for them. All he wanted was to have a home already. He felt so lost.

Seeing that Johan wasn't replying and seemed a little unsteady on his feet, Juudai grew a little concerned. What if the trip had been too much for him after what he'd been through? He put an arm around Johan's waist to support him as they stepped out into the open, airy space of the airport. "Hey, are you Ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Johan replied faintly, "I'm just really tired."

"Do you want me to get you something to eat?" Juudai asked. They hadn't really had much of anything during the flight. Sure, they had eaten a little dinner but…both had been too anxious to choke much down.

"Honestly," Johan replied, shaking his head, "Food is the last thing on my mind at this moment. The thought makes me sick. I just want to go to bed."

"You should probably eat _something_ though, or you might get sicker," Juudai pointed out, leading the other to go pick up what few bags they had, "And I can't have that."

"I'm already going to be sick from everything that's happened," Johan muttered, staring down at the floor, "It doesn't matter."

"Well, I'm starving," Juudai told him, setting his bag down, "And I think I'm going to go get something. Are you _sure_ you don't want me to bring you anything back?"

Johan seated himself on the edge of a chair, still staring down at the floor. He nodded weakly, looking like he didn't feel so well. He hunched over slightly, his arms folded over his stomach. This made Juudai really worry. Should he just leave the other alone like that when he was obviously not feeling well? If something happened and Johan needed him, even if it was a small thing, he would be kicking himself over it for weeks. And, undoubtedly, Johan would be too. After all, they were in a foreign country, they didn't know anyone, and they didn't have anything. Johan could speak English well but sometimes had lapses. And if he was sick, Juudai doubted he could speak it any better. Not that he was much better. He knew far less than Johan did. They were going to need each other. So, he decided that he shouldn't make Johan mad at him by abandoning him. He supposed food could wait.

Juudai stood by Johan's seat, watching the luggage—and Johan. The other didn't say anything, just put his head down on his knees and sighed. He just wanted to get out of there. Being surrounded by so many people suddenly felt like too much to bear. Juudai, in the meantime, managed to snag their luggage. He kept glancing over at the European, and vaguely wondered if he would be able to get up. Slowly, he made his way back over to him.

"Hey," He said softly, nudging him a little with the back of his hand, "Come on. We can go now." He offered Johan his hand, but the other just sort of stared at it.

Finally, he reached down and grasped Johan's hand and pulled him out of his seat. The teal-haired duelist gripped his hand tightly and slowly followed Juudai. They were quiet—save for the necessary communication for picking up a rental car. It wasn't until Juudai was driving down the highway that anything was said.

"J-Juudai…" Johan's quiet voice shook with effort.

The brunet glanced over at the man beside him, concerned. "What is it?"

"I…I think I'm going to be sick."

Juudai blinked as it registered. "Johan, please try to hang in there. It won't be much longer. Just please try to hold it."

Nodding weakly, Johan gripped the armrests and took a few deep breaths. "Ok."

"You going to be all right?" It was asked just to make absolutely sure.

Johan leaned his head against the window and just nodded, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. Juudai really hoped they could make it in time. If Johan could just hang in there…He hoped that a good night's rest would cure him of this ailment. The last thing they needed was for one of them to be sick. He had to admit that he was getting really nervous about this. After all, he needed Johan for communication purposes. And during this period, communication was critical. Once they settled down he would relax but…he really didn't need misunderstandings at that point.

Johan kept glancing uneasily over at Juudai as he carefully drove onto an exit. Finally, he cleared his throat a little, though he still spoke quietly and weakly. "Juudai…careful…when you get on the road…I'm afraid you'll drift on the wrong side of the road."

"I'm not going to do that," Juudai insisted, even though he _was_ about to go on the wrong side of the road. "I know what I'm doing."

Sighing, Johan told him, "You're doing it now."

Juudai quickly corrected himself just in time. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry," He apologized, "I should know better. I just…was distracted."

"You should have let me drive," Johan muttered, pressing his forehead against the window again.

"You're sick," Juudai reminded him, "There's no way you could drive right now."

"I could do a better job than you," Johan retorted, a bit of a smirk lifting the corners of his lips. Juudai could see that much from the angle that Johan's head was turned. "You're a terrible driver. Every time I get in the car with you, I pray that I'll survive."

"I see you're feeling better," Juudai remarked, "if you're teasing me like that."

"No, I just want to live," Johan muttered, his smile fading. He coughed slightly, then again harder. "Juudai…please hurry up…"

"If you're going to be sick then keep your mouth shut," Juudai advised. He was worried that Johan might be sick in the car, and that would really not be good. Not only would it be a pain to have to pay for that, but it would also distract him, and he really didn't need any more of that. He could barely focus as it was.

Despite all the odds against him, Juudai managed to make it to the hotel alive. He breathed a sigh of relief when they had finally parked. Well, at least he _was_ able to drive. He had expected not to be allowed but…well…he could thank Manjoume for that. Still, he wondered if he _should_ be allowed. Johan was right. He wasn't the best driver. He decided that once they had settled down, the other man would be the one to do all the driving. At least they wouldn't get killed with him behind the wheel. He was surprised that Johan trusted him in the car at all.

Because the European wasn't feeling well, Juudai got all their stuff out of the trunk to carry it up by himself. Normally, he knew Johan would protest but…he didn't this time. In fact, he didn't seem to want to get up. Frowning a little, Juudai opened the door, causing the other to fall out a ways. But he caught him, and undid his seat belt.

"Don't tell me I have to carry you in too," He half-joked as he helped Johan stand up.

The other merely shook his head and leaned against Juudai for support as they made their way across the parking lot. At least they made it inside without any mishaps. But that was when their troubles began.

Juudai set their things down at the front desk, and Johan just leaned against the counter, resting his forehead against his arms. The woman behind the counter finished up her phone call quickly, and then turned to them.

"May I help you?" She asked politely.

Juudai blinked. He opened his mouth, but pulled a blank. He was just too tired to think. Feeling a little embarrassed, he nudged Johan. Emerald eyes glanced up at him, and Juudai sent him a panicked look. Slowly, Johan lifted his head, and attempted to speak.

"We…have…a reservation," He managed to choke out.

"I see. And what are your names?" She pulled out her log and began flipping through it.

"Yuuki Juudai and Johan Andersen," He replied, stifling a cough.

She looked over the pages for a few moments, then stopped. "Ah, yes. I see now. And you're not sure how long you'll be staying?"

Johan shook his head. "No…But we're hoping…it'll be a week or less."

"Ok, well, since prior arrangements were made then that's just fine. You take your time." She turned around to snag a room key for them. And that was when Johan almost lost it.

"Oh, God," He grabbed onto Juudai's sleeve, breaking out into a sweat and panting slightly, "Juudai…please…" He leaned his forehead against the brunet's shoulder, unable to say anything more because he was coughing too much.

"Don't throw up on me!" Juudai hissed, but didn't push him away. He cared too much to do that. Even if he had been thrown up on, that would have been all right.

The woman turned back around and held the key out. Juudai grinned weakly and took it. "If you need anything, feel free to ask for help," She told him.

"Um, thank you…" He said awkwardly; he was barely understandable due to his thick accent. "We will…" He blushed when she seemed obviously confused, but thankfully she seemed to understand after a moment's thought.

Leaning down, he picked up their luggage again, then nudged Johan. The other took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying his best to follow Juudai but lagging behind. Feeling sorry for him, Juudai slowed down and let Johan lean against him again. It was unfortunate that he had to have gotten sick. But it was to be expected, he supposed. He was just surprised he hadn't gotten sick earlier.

Johan clung to Juudai in the elevator, trembling. It took all his willpower not to be sick right there. The sensation of moving upward like that made his head spin. He felt it rising but quickly swallowed it back. Juudai held him close to comfort him. And perhaps that was the only reason he was able to wait until they got in the room before collapsing. Juudai had to drag him towards the bathroom. But in the end, he had to snag the nearby wastebasket and hold that out to Johan, because he couldn't hold it any longer.

"I'm…so…rry…" Johan choked, gagging again.

"It's Ok," Juudai assured him, soothingly rubbing his back, "You're going to be Ok."

"Juudai…" It came out in a small, pathetic whimper.

The brunet did not respond. Instead, he just kept his arm around Johan, supporting him. He was getting really worried since Johan could not seem to stop. He just kept coughing and gagging even when there was nothing left to throw up, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Finally, Juudai propped him against the wall and drew him a glass of water, which he offered. Johan shook his head, but Juudai forced him to take a sip anyway.

"You're dehydrated," Juudai remarked, tilting the cup so more liquid went down the other's throat, "You have to drink."

Johan couldn't keep it down.

This lasted for an agonizing hour or two; Juudai didn't notice this because he was too busy fussing over the teal-haired man. Eventually, he wore himself out and lay sprawled across Juudai's lap, panting and shaking vigorously. It seemed as though the spell was over for the time being, at least. Juudai put the trashcan down and gently stroked a few strands of teal hair away from his sweat-coated face, before offering him another little sip of water. This time, Johan accepted it, and drank a bit before lying back down. All was quiet save for Johan's labored breaths.

"You Ok?" Juudai finally asked softly, gingerly wiping at his mouth with a tissue.

"Y-Yeah…for now…" The European breathed deeply, and sighed. He wanted to get up to clean himself up, but was too weak and his stomach cramped too much. Juudai was just going to have to take care of him. "I…I'm sorry…I…can't get up…"

"It's Ok," Juudai assured him, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly and propping his head up a little more, "I'll take care of you. Don't worry about it."

Gently as he could, he set Johan down to the carpet and took the trashcan into the bathroom, to clean it out. As he ran water over it, he glanced back at Johan, who was just lying there pathetically on the floor. The other lifted his sea green eyes to meet Juudai's, then laughed weakly.

"You must really love me to put up with something like this," Johan remarked, "It's so disgusting but you don't seem to care at all."

"You can't help it," Juudai replied, putting the trashcan aside and beginning to wash the tub out, "It's happened to me before too. And I know you'd do the same for me."

They lapsed into silence as Juudai finished cleaning everything up. Then, he started the water and filled the tub, before stooping down and pulling Johan to his feet. The other groaned in protest but was ignored. Without giving it much of a thought, Juudai began to strip Johan down, so he could give him a bath.

"J-Juudai!" Johan's face turned red as he soon found himself left in only his boxers, and it looked as though Juudai might discard of those too. He stiffened, looking uncertain.

Thankfully, the brunet noticed his discomfort and stopped to ask, "What, you don't want me to give you a bath?"

"I-It's not that," Johan replied, "It's just…I mean…you've never…"

Juudai blinked, looking confused. "I don't see what the problem is…"

"I don't know if I want you to see me like that…now…" The teal-haired man answered weakly. He looked a little ashamed.

And Juudai was still confused. "It's not a big deal."

"To you, maybe not. But to me it is. You've never…seen me like that before and…I don't think now should be—"

Giving him a pointed look, Juudai asked dryly, "Can you bathe yourself right now?"

In response, Johan attempted to stand, but ended up falling back into Juudai's arms due to the pain. He panted slightly from effort and tried again, all to no avail. And yet, he still tried to retain his independence. "I…can take care of myself…"

"Mmhm," Juudai didn't look convinced. "Look, if it makes you feel any better, it's not like I'm going to _stare_ at you. Do you really think I'm a pervert?" He couldn't help but grin a little in amusement.

Blushing even darker, Johan answered in a quieter voice, "Well, no, but…I…uh…"

"Well…" He sighed heavily, "It's your call, though. I'm not going to do something that you don't want me to do. I won't do it if it really makes you that uncomfortable but…I don't know how you're going to do it yourself."

A moment was spent in tense consideration. Johan shifted uneasily in Juudai's lap, and tried to stand one more time. Of course, he was unable to, though he tried with all his might. He was just too weak. Pouting and looking irritated, he finally gave in. Only because he was so tired and just wanted to go to bed. "Fine, fine. Just…don't look…too much…" His face burned.

Laughing softly, Juudai assured him, "I won't. I don't have any interest in that right now, Ok? I just want to make sure you're taken care of. You know me better than that. I wouldn't do anything to make you uncomfortable."

To prove his point, he kept his eyes locked with Johan's as he tugged the underwear off. When the other felt the cool air surrounding him, his face burned all the more, but at least Juudai's gaze didn't flicker downwards. Instead, he kept looking him in the eyes as he gently lifted him and placed him in the bathtub, before sitting on the floor and using one arm to prop Johan up.

"I…I think I can handle it from here," Johan muttered, looking embarrassed, "I can…wash myself…"

"Ok, but I'm going to stay right here to make sure you don't drown yourself," Juudai told him, "And if you need any help…"

Johan did not reply; he only began to wash himself, though he kept glancing over at Juudai nervously. But the brunet kept his eyes focused either on the floor or on Johan's eyes. At least he had that much respect for him. Gradually, the other relaxed. He didn't know why he'd been so upset about this. It should be something that they were comfortable with. But…it had bothered him. Once he had been reminded that Juudai wasn't going to do anything that would make him uncomfortable, though, he didn't mind it so much. In fact, he didn't mind it at all anymore.

All the same, he didn't want to spend too long in the tub so he hurried the bath. It took a little longer because he was weak and aching, but he managed to get everything done in a reasonable amount of time. Then, Juudai helped him out and dried him off, which Johan protested to, but it still happened.

"Um…thanks…" Johan said awkwardly as Juudai helped him dress in his nightclothes, "I mean…really…You did a lot for me."

"Well, duh," Juudai smiled at him, supporting him with a hand on his waist in front of the sink, so he could brush his teeth. "You're my best friend and I love you. Why wouldn't I help you out in every way I can?"

Blushing, Johan leaned back against him and slowly began to scrub his mouth out. He tried not to love the way his body fit into Juudai's but…he couldn't help it. If there was one thing that was proved, though, that was that Juudai really did love him. And maybe he shouldn't feel so uneasy or reluctant about trusting him or doing things for him. He felt a little bad then when he thought about it like that.

He spit a few times and swished his mouth out with mouthwash as he pondered his actions a little more. Then, he sighed. "I'm really sorry for doubting you a lot lately. I'm really sorry I've been such an ass."

Juudai blinked. "You haven't been," He insisted, frowning a little, "Don't talk like that. I understand why you did the things you did. Don't tell me you're sorry for feeling that way."

"But I _do_ feel bad!" Johan insisted.

Knowing he was about to ramble, Juudai just put a finger to his lips. "Shh. It's Ok. Just go to bed and get some sleep. If you want to talk about this, we can talk about it later." He ushered Johan into the other room and gently laid him down on the bed, pulling the covers over him. "I'm going to shower but I'll be out as soon as I can. If you need me, go ahead and call for me. And if you need me anytime during the night, wake me up. Ok?"

"All right," Johan agreed, letting his tired body relax against the soft mattress. He yawned and closed his eyes, jumping slightly as Juudai leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you," Juudai whispered in Johan's ear, causing him to shiver.

"I love you, too," The other muttered, snuggling against the pillows and sighing contentedly.

Juudai left the room, smiling as he turned out the light. At least they were safe for the time being. He allowed himself to relax during his shower, and in the process grew very tired. It wasn't long, though, before he was able to collapse into the bed next to Johan's, and he fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

* * *

Juudai woke up the next morning, planning to let Johan sleep in but, much to his surprise, he found the teal-haired man was already pulling his boots on, fully dressed. Blinking in the bright daylight, confused, he sat up straight and yawned. "Johan?"

The other smiled at him, and greeted, "Good morning, Juudai."

Groaning, Juudai dropped back down to the bed. He didn't feel like getting up. He felt like he was going to die of exhaustion. "It doesn't feel so good," He muttered into the pillow. "What are you doing up? Go back to sleep. You've been sick."

Johan frowned. "I don't want to put things off. Please don't wait because of me. I'll be fine, really. I know you're tired too but I want to go ahead and get everything set up at the house we've chosen."

Sleepily, Juudai opened one eye and gazed at him. "You really want to move that fast? It's not going anywhere. Manjoume already helped us buy it, remember? We can just hang around here for two days before making that drive and that move and picking out furniture and all that. Sounds like such a pain and I'm too tired. You'll only make yourself sicker."

"But," Johan protested, "I feel better! I really do, Juudai!" He crawled on the bed, leaning over Juudai's limp body and staring at him with pleading mint eyes. "_Please_," He begged, "I don't care if I get sick again! I just want to get to our place. Doesn't it excite you? I mean…_we_ have a place together. We can start a new life together! I don't want to lie around all day in bed when there's that to think about. Please, Juudai?" He shook the brunet as though trying to get his point across.

"Nooooo," Juudai groaned, pushing his hands away, "Go away. I'm tired." Of course, he was only teasing.

"I'm not going to leave you alone until you give in," Johan teased back, tugging at Juudai's hand. "Come on! I'm tired too but…"

Rolling over on his back, Juudai smirked and opened one gleaming brown eye. "Convince me."

"What?" Johan cocked his head to one side, raising an eyebrow and looking confused.

"I said, convince me. Give me one good reason why I should get out of my nice, comfy, warm bed and get dressed and _drive_ all the way over there." Of course, he emphasized the fact that he would be driving. He laughed when Johan hesitated.

"I'll drive and you can go to sleep in the car," Johan finally responded, shifting a little on the bed.

"Nope, not good enough." Juudai shook his head, still smirking. "You've got to do better than that."

Pouting, Johan eased himself down on the mattress next to Juudai, and propped his chin in his hand as he thought. "Hmm…Well…I'll buy you lunch."

"What are we talking?" Juudai lifted his head up, looking vaguely interested.

"Fried shrimp?" Johan guessed, grinning weakly, "Or lobster? I don't know. Whatever you want."

"Mmm, that could be _part_ of the deal." Juudai laid his head back down, resting his arm comfortably behind it, and smiled lazily up at Johan.

"What more do you want?" The European asked, blinking. What more could he offer? He had said that Juudai could sleep, he had told him he would buy him lunch…Well, there was one other thing he could think of, so he suggested, "How about a duel?"

"A duel…as a reward or a duel to get me out of bed?" Juudai asked, his interest piqued.

"As a reward," Johan replied, "You have to come with me regardless."

Tapping his chin with his finger, the brunet mulled over this for several agonizing moments. It was obvious he was doing it on purpose, to aggravate Johan. He loved messing with him sometimes. "Well…" He began thoughtfully, "That just about makes up my mind. But I'm missing _one_ thing that would totally do it for me."

"And what's that? An assurance that you won't have to do any work?" Johan was really stumped then. He shouldn't have been.

"That'd be great but that wouldn't be fair to you." Juudai flashed another heartwarming grin before hooking his arm around the other's neck and giving him a half-hug.

At first it seemed random but…then Johan stopped and thought about it. He blushed but found himself leaning in anyway. "Is this…" He paused. Instead of finishing his sentence right away, he just gazed down at the brunet, his eyes half-shutting as he leaned in closer, tilting his head a little to one side. The next second, he brushed his lips to Juudai's gingerly, then again with more pressure.

Juudai reached up and wrapped his arms around Johan's neck, returning the kiss with as much gentle enthusiasm as he would allow himself. Johan kept each hand planted firmly on the mattress on either side of Juudai, and soon found his knees had followed suit. He leaned down farther and farther, until he was nearly lying on top of the other, but did not think anything of it. And Juudai didn't think anything of it either. It was just a kiss to them. Granted, it was far more passionate than it had been before but…they were finding that that was the case as of recent. Everything they shared was growing more fervent, more passionate.

After a moment of making out, Johan had to pull away to gulp air. He stared down into Juudai's dark brown eyes again, his own sparkling in mischief. "Was that what you wanted?" He asked, his chest still heaving.

"I'd like some more," was all Juudai said, smiling fondly up at the other.

"I don't have a problem with that." Johan leaned back in, capturing Juudai's lips in yet another heated kiss.

Juudai massaged the other's lips with his own, nipping at them playfully. In response, Johan gave Juudai's lower lip a tiny prod with his tongue. It wasn't anything nasty, though, they were more or less just playing around with each other. But neither really minded when Juudai thought Johan was serious, and parted his lips just as Johan was licking gently again, so his tongue slipped in. Both blinked and stared at each other, a little surprised. But, they just went with it. Why stop if they'd already started? Juudai closed his eyes again and allowed Johan's tongue to explore his mouth. A moment later, he slipped his own tongue in the European's mouth, and mapped it out as well. He figured they probably shouldn't be doing this since Johan had been unwell the day before but…it had only been from exhaustion and anxiety, so he just brushed the matter aside.

Slowly, Johan was coming down lower and lower, his arms shaking too much to hold him up. Juudai accepted him into his arms as he eased down, allowing their bodies to melt together. The brunet rather liked the warm weight on top of him, and eagerly wrapped his arms around the other, holding him tighter and closer. In response, Johan curled his arms around Juudai's neck, letting his fingers entangle themselves in the rich, dark brown locks, and deepened the kiss.

They remained like this for several peaceful minutes until Juudai playfully flipped Johan over on his back, so he was lying on top. The Gem Beast duelist made a small, angry noise in protest, though when he opened his eyes, they were dancing. He could feel Juudai's lips curving upwards in a pleased smirk, so he lightly kicked at his foot and broke the seal of the kiss so he could speak.

"Don't…be so proud of yourself…" He panted, narrowing his eyes and smirking wider, "you just caught me off guard."

"No, you just let me," Juudai teased back, caressing the back of Johan's head in his hand. Leaning down, he pressed his lips against the other's jaw, and trailed kisses all the way down his neck.

Johan dug his fingers into the back of Juudai's shirt. Their grip around the fabric tightened as Juudai pressed his mouth a little harder against his neck and collarbone. Then, reaching up and cupping Johan's face in his hands, the brunet lifted his head and stared into the other's eyes, smiling lovingly down. He sighed contentedly and pressed his forehead to Johan's, still fondling his cheeks and stroking them with his thumbs.

Twisting strands of brown hair around his fingers, Johan smiled back, and asked softly, "So, are you going to do it now?"

"Mmm, I still don't think it's a good idea but I guess I'll have to make an exception here." Juudai murmured, letting his lips graze Johan's ever so delicately, "I want to do what's best for you but…I want you to be happy too."

"So does that mean I convinced you?" Johan looked hopeful.

A heavy, mock-exasperated sigh. "Yeah, yeah. Fine." Juudai acted as though it were a pain to sit up, though he was smiling as he did so.

"Good," Johan laughed softly as he jumped up as well. He made it across the room before Juudai had even gotten to the edge of the bed. Seizing Juudai's clothes, he threw them at him, then laughed again as they fell over his head. "Please hurry! I don't want to waste another second."

"All right, all right," Juudai grinned, placing the clothes down on the bed. "I'm up already. Just let me throw this shirt on and we can go down to get some breakfast."

"You're going in your pajama bottoms?" Johan asked, blinking.

"Yeah, I'm lazy. So sue me." Juudai tugged the T-shirt he slept in over his head, then pulled on the black one he was going to wear that day. "Mmk. Ready. Let's go."

Johan laughed and shook his head. "You're not even going to comb your hair?"

"When do I?" Juudai asked, smirking as he stuffed the room key in the pocket of his sweatpants, "It never bothered you before. I don't see why not. You're neater than I am." As he walked past the European, he reached up and ruffled his wild teal hair until it was all out of place. "There. Now I don't feel so guilty."

Johan pouted, following Juudai out as he smoothed his hair down again. "So just because I comb my hair makes me a neat freak?" He joked, "Maybe you're just a slob."

"Heh, you can live with it, can't you?" Juudai shot Johan a coy smirk from over his shoulder, causing the other to blush furiously.

"Y-Yeah…" He blushed a darker shade of red as Juudai sent him that look again. "Juudai, stop giving me your bedroom eyes!"

The brunet laughed softly. "Sheesh, Johan, you're so much fun to torture. You know I don't mean it."

"I know but…it still…bothers me." The teal-haired man huffed.

"Whatever." Juudai entered the elevator, and Johan just followed him.

As soon as the doors were shut, Johan felt a pair of strong arms snaking around his waist, pulling him close. He blushed again as he felt Juudai's warm body melt against his own; every curve was fitted together, like pieces of a puzzle. He would have said something but knew if he did, Juudai would only keep it up. After all, he was in a playful mood and if Johan showed any sort of discomfort or faux displeasure, then it would only encourage him to carry if further. So he kept his mouth shut. Though, he did wonder why Juudai was suddenly so attentive. Maybe he was just relieved that they were safe.

Juudai stood there silently for a few moments, just kept his hands clasped on Johan's stomach as they waited. Then, unable to resist the urge, he leaned down and planted a few hot, open-mouthed kisses down the other's exposed neck, earning a small moan.

Unable to refrain, Johan whined, "Baby, stop." He tried to crane his head so his neck was out of Juudai's reach. But he couldn't really do that when the other had such a tight hold on him.

"You know you like it," Juudai teased, resting his chin on the other's shoulder and tightening his hold so that Johan could hardly breathe.

"I mean it, Juudai," Johan warned, squirming in his grasp, "We can't do this now. Not here."

Sighing heavily to indicate he had given up the fight, Juudai released the other, just as the doors opened. A pink streak still resided across Johan's nose even as they walked out into the breakfast room. Juudai smirked to himself, proud of what he had done. He ignored the look that Johan sent in his direction and grabbed some cereal, determined to enjoy his breakfast.

And just like that, he dropped all advances on the teal-haired man. He could be infuriating sometimes, he really could be.

"Well," Johan huffed, sitting across from him and looking less than pleased, "Anything else you want to put me through today?"

"Depends," Juudai replied, resting his chin in his palm and chewing thoughtfully. Then, seeing that Johan was still flustered, he looked a little more apologetic. "Did it really bother you that much? I was just playing…"

Johan sighed. "I know. But…well…" His face turned redder.

"What?" Juudai curiously tilted his head to one side, blinking. He didn't understand what the big deal was. He had no idea why Johan had gotten so freaked out about it. To him, it meant nothing more than just joking around. Sometimes, he could still be a little clueless.

"N-nothing." Johan took a sip of his coffee and averted his gaze, obviously embarrassed. This confused Juudai all the more.

"Tell me," He demanded, leaning forward in his seat, "Come on. Please? If it upset you there has to be a reason why. And I want to know. Please?"

"I don't think we should talk about it." Plain and simple. Point blank. It should be easy enough for the brunet to get the hint. Right? Wrong.

"Come on. I want to know," Juudai stubbornly pressed, "If you don't have a good reason…"

"I do but I don't want anyone to hear." Johan replied, his face turning pink again. He sank a little into his seat.

Juudai glanced around at the few scattered individuals nearby. "Mmm, we're talking quietly and I doubt they know Japanese. Come on. Please tell me."

Johan sighed. It was his turn to give in. After all, Juudai was relentless when it came to things like this. If he wanted something, he didn't give up until he got it. Sometimes it was a good thing but…other times it was a pain. He could never hide anything from the brunet. Not only because it was so hard but also because their connection allowed Juudai to instinctively _know_ when Johan was keeping a secret.

"Fine, fine," Johan muttered. He paused to take another sip of his coffee, then leaned back in his seat, slouching more than he usually did. Usually it was Juudai who exhibited this sort of slovenly behavior. Johan was a bit more refined as far as table manners were concerned. "It's just…I…" Another pause. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth and ran a hand through his teal hair, his eyes on the ceiling as though contemplating what to say next. "…I really don't feel comfortable discussing this here…not this subject but…" He looked back into Juudai's expectant chocolate gaze. "Geez…I don't know if you thought about it. I really don't think you meant it that way but…" How could he say it? How could he tell Juudai this when it had been meant in such an innocent manner? Better yet, _why_ was he even _thinking_ like that? This only served to embarrass him further.

"Go on," Juudai prodded, taking a small bite of cereal and smiling encouragingly at the other. His smile faded as Johan cringed.

"I feel so…dirty…for thinking this," Johan told him, shaking his head, "It's just…I know you meant it to mess around with me but it just came off…kinda…sexual…" He cringed again, his face heating up even more.

A long pause. Juudai just stared at him, shifting uncomfortably. He finally swallowed, though it was rather hard to do so. His mouth had suddenly gone dry. "…Oh…I see…your point…" His own face burned. "I…didn't mean it like that. Never crossed my mind, actually. I'm sorry." He looked embarrassed.

"It's Ok…I understand you didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry I took it the wrong way." Johan quickly snapped his mouth shut before he said anything else that would lead to further discomfort.

Juudai found himself sneaking glances over at the teal-haired man as he ate. He seemed so…nervous. True, it had been humiliating but…he was already getting over it. So why was Johan still upset? He could feel that Johan was uneasy and had something weighing on his mind. He wished he knew what that was. All he knew was that Johan wasn't telling him everything. What was he hiding? Well, it could be approached later, he supposed. For the time being, maybe it was best to change the subject.

Clearing his throat a little, he asked, "So…what all did you want to get done today?" He coughed again. His mouth was still dry so he took a quick mouthful of orange juice.

"Huh?" Johan lifted his sea green eyes from the table to meet Juudai's. Obviously, he'd been deep in thought. "Oh…Well…I was hoping we could go to our house today and drop some of our things off there. And maybe start looking at furniture." He smiled wanly.

"Ok, that sounds reasonable enough." Juudai replied, "But you're going to have to do most of the communication because I'm out of it today and you know English way better than I do."

"Ok, I can do that." Johan leaned his cheek on his hand and half-shut his eyes, smiling a little. "But you're going to have to get better at English soon. I can't be there all the time and you're going to have to get a job."

Juudai groaned. "Why did you sound so happy at the mention of me getting a job?"

"I just find it amusing," Johan replied, stirring some more cream into his coffee before lifting it to his lips, "because you're not the type to be tied down to anything. So I don't see how this marriage and staying in one place with a job is going to work out."

"Please tell me you're joking." Juudai swallowed hard, and placed his hand over Johan's, causing the other to look at him again. He was a little concerned that Johan didn't take him seriously. Squeezing the other's hand, he continued. "I want to make a commitment to you. I want to show you how much I love you by doing something so hard for me. But I'm going to be straight up with you right now by telling you…" He paused, taking a deep breath before dropping the bomb. "…I'm not getting a job."

Johan nearly spit his coffee out. "J-Juudai!" He gasped, quickly wiping his mouth with a napkin. He stared at the other, his emerald eyes wide in disbelief. "Do you expect _me_ to support the both of us? My career's practically down the drain! I'd have to start all over again! I'd have to go back to school!"

"No, no, no! That's not what I meant! Calm down." Juudai squeezed his hand tighter, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. "I mean…I supported myself by what I did earlier…having a few off-on jobs and traveling the world and all. I don't plan to give that up."

"B-but…I don't think you could stay here if you left the country so frequently!" Johan protested. He opened his mouth again, only to be shushed.

"Now, wait a second." Juudai held a finger up. "Don't get upset just yet. Manjoume and I have made arrangements. And in my case, it can be excused because of the nature of my work. Don't worry. I'll take care of you. And I don't plan on leaving you to fend for yourself. You can try to jump back into the Pro Circuit too. We have connections. We can work this out. Sure, you might find yourself at home alone for extended periods of time but…it's Ok. I have a plan."

Johan shook his head, his eyes still wide. "You're crazy," He breathed, shocked. Well…that was why he loved Juudai. He couldn't help but be somewhat awed by it.

"So, do you trust me?" Juudai looked at him with hopeful eyes. "It's the only way this is going to work. If you trust me and I have your support."

Johan took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and grasping Juudai's hand. There was a long, tense silence as he thought. He looked a little distressed and rather like he might say no. Juudai bit his lip. What if Johan did say no? What would he do then? Well, all he could do was cross his fingers and hope.

Finally, Johan opened his eyes and breathed a heavy sigh. "I'm not sure about your plan but…all right. I'll trust you. But…I expect you to contribute some income. Understand?"

Juudai nodded. "Of course I will. I'm not going to leave you hanging like that." He paused momentarily, then glanced at the clock and sighed. Standing, he picked up his plate and cup and tossed it in the trash before turning back to Johan. "Well, if we want to get this done, we should get going now."

"Ok," Johan agreed, standing as well. He took a moment to throw his trash away too, then he followed Juudai back up to their room.

Even though he had said he would trust him and they had dropped the subject, Juudai couldn't help but feel as though nothing had been accomplished. He felt a strange sense of uncertainty from Johan, and he didn't like it. They had always trusted each other before but since marriage was the issue at the time…expectations seemed to have changed. He began to wonder if he should have just left their relationship the way it had been, but quickly shook it from his mind. No, he wanted this too much. He would work to win Johan's trust all over again if he had to. Johan, however shaky he was on the matter, was really trying to trust him. The other really wanted to please Juudai and he could tell. He just hoped that things would go off without a hitch. But things were never easy, especially things as complicated as this. And as much as he tried to push it away, he was getting a nagging feeling that things were not going to work out as planned. Still, he tried to be optimistic and just focused on the present. They had to get their house ready. That was all that mattered at the moment. That was the only thing that was important.

Maybe it shouldn't have been.

* * *

**A/N: X.x I wanted to make it longer but then it would've been twice as long, lol. Ok, you guys I have a question. Since I'm such a dork and I LOVE freaking LOVE it when couples go shopping (I know I'm such a tard DX ) I wanted to spend a bit of next chapter describing how they were setting things up at their house and blah blah blah all the cutesy little details (well maybe not all of them but bah.) Of course there'd be moar cute, fluffy blah blah spiritshipping moments. Um but the issue is…would you be utterly bored if I did that? I don't want to be boring…Please let me know. XD**


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